The Empty Grave
by ZahvayTheFallen
Summary: Johnny kidnaps someone. But what happens when this captive is hellishly more strong-willed than he expected?  R&R, please. JohnnyxOC.    Extra Genres: Adventure, Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Horror.   M: Rape  described , Strong Language, Suggestive Content
1. Chapter 1

[_The idea in general for this story was something I kind of stole from Fanfiction user I-am-the-Mathgoth. Please, please forgive me and anybody who is reading this, GO FUCKIN' LOOK HER UP! I'M SERIOUS! JESUS CHRIST, HER WRITING IS FAN-FUCKIN'-TASTIC!_

_Anyways.. I'm bored of my other stories and having trouble with angstiness. Ya know, common teenager shit. I'm almost fourteen. That means I've been on the site for almost 2 years… Wow. Enjoy The Empty Grave!_]

The Empty Grave

I leapt away from the insane youthful man, my arm split almost in half, it felt like. I could see the bone. Suddenly, a roundhouse kick to my stomach crippled me and I fell to the floor.

A sombre face appeared over mine, dark hair almost touching my bloody, scratched forehead. He grabbed my hands and clipped shackles on, twisting my butchered arm even more. My blood flowed profusely from the carnage that was me, making me woozy and I dropped my head back onto the floor, breathing heavily and fighting to get enough oxygen.

He then clipped shackles on my legs, and my eyes flickered to his face. He was rubbing his smooth jaw with leather-gloved hands, smirking slightly.

'What's so interesting?' I managed to wheeze out.

'You're not screaming or fighting. Usually it's one of the four- anger, sadness, promises, or apologies. You aren't performing an act of any.'

'Want me to clarify?'

'Yes.'

'I'm not angry, I don't really care. Sadness? What's there to be sad about? And I have no promises to make, nor apologies, as I don't know you.'

'Interesting.'

I squinted my eyes and bared my teeth in a snarl.

'In pain is a given, though. My arm is torn to shreds if you have not noticed.'

'Oh, yes, I noticed. You are actually quite interesting.' He looked me over carefully. 'I am sorry that I chose you randomly to die.'

'Don't be. I want to die.' He smirked again, interest flashing in his eyes.

'Why do you want to die?'

'None of your business, I'm afraid, sir.'

He laughed. 'Oh, none of the formality foolishness. I am Johnny, but you may call me Nny, since I like you.'

I coughed, bringing blood to my mouth with a salty, metallic tang. 'I don't like my name. Call me what you want.'

He leaned over me, peering at my face. 'I'll call you Blood, then.'

'Why Blood?'

'It's what you're covered in, and it's what will splatter the walls when I kill you.'

'Get on with it then, Nny.'

'No, I like you. You will stay with me for a while.'

'Why?'

'I should keep you as something like a pet. That would be quite fun. I haven't tried that before, as I once had a rabbit, but I nailed it to a wall when I was in a bad mood.'

My shocked, disgusted expression must have amused him, because he smiled evilly.

'I'll take you to your cage, then, Blood.'

He slung me over his shoulder, my exposed flesh scraping against itself roughly. I barely bit down a screech of pain as the agony lanced through my body.

I was then thrown into a room. For a fuckin' _stick, _this guy was strong. He came in and undid the shackles, whistling a happy tune, as though this were his favourite thing to do.

Come to think of it, it probably _was._

He left, slamming the door behind him. A click indicated it was locked. I just lay there, staring up at the ceiling. I wasn't sure if others were around me, but the rotting flesh smell made me a little too scared to find out. Fear managed to make its way through my system, and my heart pounded irregularly..

Forgive me, but it appears as though I haven't introduced myself…

Nny appears to want to call me Blood, which is fine, as I hate my real name. I won't tell you it. Ever. I have black hair, green eyes, and I'm something like 5'4 last time I checked. I don't even know my weight, I just know I'm not a stick, but not fat.

Anyways…

I was walking around having a bit of an anxiety attack, which is common, due to clinical depression. I'm eighteen and ran away from home when I was fifteen. I was walking down an alleyway, brooding, writing in an angsty diary of mine when this guy appeared. He looked like the common Goth, with his dark hair over his bloodshot eyes which reflected dark insanity.

I had placed my book in my pocket with my pen, backing up suspiciously, my black hair swishing in front of my face irritatingly.

He had stopped. 'Do you think I look weird?'

I immediately thought, _What the hell kind of a question is that for a potential rapist?_

'You.. You look like a Goth,' I had replied.

He nodded. 'Mm-hmm. What are you thinking?'

'I'm nervous because I don't know why the _fuck _you're asking this retarded shit.'

'That's enough.'

Suddenly, I felt a sharp pain on my head and I fell forwards, blacking out. It was all too fast- I don't particularly know what happened. My guess is I was hit.

Lying on the dark room, I was finally brave enough to sit up and look at my arm. It wasn't as bad as it felt, a knife slash went down it and the bone was merely broken, not shattered. With whatever limited medical knowledge I had from watching House and shit, I could set it and fix it with something lying around.

I was beaten badly, a scab on the back of my head and my pants slashed to bits with knife marks.

I looked at my left hand, the arm that wasn't broken, but slashed with knife marks, of course. I was going to have little X's and lines all over my body for life.

The funny thing I noticed was any sexual part of me was untouched. My chest was fine, along with my crotch area. Anything else was slashed to bits. My back, my stomach, my arms. My face was attacked not as badly as the rest. My two tiger stripe tattoos on my cheek were fine.

I stood up, looking around with disgust. I was in a dimly-lit room, with no corpses. The rotting flesh scent was probably just from _everywhere._ I knew without a doubt from the blood stains on the walls that I wasn't the only one who had been destined to perish in this hell. The concrete floor that I lay on was freezing, and the dark, vacant room obviously had nothing to help comfort a cold human. I stood up, my arm protesting angrily.

I felt my way over to one of the corners, and curled into a ball, a small sob escaping me. Hell, I was _scared._ I'd wanted to die for a long time. This guy was going to do it. I should thank him, but I knew I would be tortured endlessly before it happened.

I stiffened and started spasming, the anxiety too much for me. It wasn't a seizure, but I didn't have anything to be violent at. At home, I could take a pillow or a paper towel or an apple and destroy it to fix my anger. Here, it was an empty room where I could lie on the floor and go insane.

I rocked back and forth, holding my arm in what felt like the right position. I closed my eyes, tears of fear and frustration squeezing out, and tried to fall asleep and escape this nightmare for a little while.

…

My eyes shot open when I heard the lock click, and I tried to jump backwards, slipping on my own blood and cracking my head on the wall.

I heard a slow noise.

_Cree-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ak._

The door opened, squeaking ominously, and I almost started hyperventilating in fear. My heart pounded, and adrenaline pulsed through me with a vengeance.

I heard wails and screams from behind the door, and Johnny's voice came ominously to me.

'_Heeeeere, kitty-kitty-kitty…'_

I steeled myself for more pain, but a light I didn't know existed flickered on, and a weird beaming grin crossed Nny's face the second he saw me curled up in the corner.

'Come here, Blood. I want to show you something.'

I remained motionless, glaring over at him balefully.

'Being brave, are we? Well, I could just gouge your eyes out so that you can never see again, rather than quickly come see what I wish to show you.'

I got up, very woozy from the lack of blood, and Nny took a thoughtful expression. 'Oh, right, you bleed, don't you? We shall have to fix that.'

I snapped, 'No shit, Sherlock. Why don't you just leave me here to rot?'

His eyes darkened and he glared at me. 'I don't know. Be polite before I change my mind about that.'

I looked away, not saying anything, as the door closed and locked. The light was on now, and I looked around. The room was quite empty, except for an assortment of blood stains everywhere and an odd contraption that looked like it was for restraining, or rape.

_(A/N: You know those torture devices in the Middle Ages -I think- that people used to pull people's limbs off with a wheel thing? Or the thing where the laser goes up from the bottom to burn someone one in half? Yeah, like that, except without a wheel or laser.)_

I crawled closer to the device, carefully looking it over with some interest. I couldn't escape with it. I couldn't kill myself with it. There was no way I could tackle the skinny bastard myself.

Conclusion: device was pointless. Avoid it in the future for possible beatings and/or rape.

I sat in the room for a while, when Nny finally returned, bandages, rubbing alcohol, cotton balls- etc. Medical supplies in general.

He pointed to the contraption. 'Lie on that.'

A strike of fear shot through me. I couldn't just _willingly _restrain myself. But what if it let me survive? With a resigned snort, I managed to drag myself to lie on the contraption.

'Do tell me how painful it is after. I like knowing.'

'You're a sick bastard.'

'I know.'

He grabbed my arm none too lightly and snapped it into the shackle on the machine. The rest of my limbs were free, so I lay thinking of ways to fight him if he tried to attack or rape me.

As I lay there, he hummed as he worked about my arm. He stitched it and I screamed somewhat while he did that until he duct-taped over my mouth. After that, if I screamed, he'd rip the tape off, insert blood and what tasted like vomit, and cover over my mouth again so that I couldn't swallow nor spit.

Since I'm retarded and can't get a hint, I struggled wildly and he stabbed me in the arm with the needle.

After that, if I struggled, he'd brandish a knife and cut a score in my arm. I stopped screaming.

He poured rubbing alcohol on after that, which wasn't as painful as the deep cuts in my arm, which he poured that on too.

Then, he bandaged my arm to the point I was almost half-mummy. It would be useless for quite a while, it appeared, as the bandage was stiff enough to keep me from most movements.

After that, he motioned for me to come with him. I wouldn't bother telling him that my blood returning would take a couple days, so I just stumbled to my feet after he unclipped the shackle and followed him best I could with the room spinning wildly.

'So what is it you wanted to show me?' I said, rubbing my temples and hissing irritably through my teeth at the throbbing pain that danced through my body.

'I want you to see someone.' That couldn't be good.

He opened a door, not waiting for me. I stumbled through, holding my head as dizziness had a party with my mind.

When I finally looked up, I was sure loss of blood was making me hallucinate. All the people who'd been dicks in my high school were in this room.

'Have you been… Following me?'

Nny turned and gave me his dark-inexpressive-what-the-fuck look. 'No. I don't do that. I'm assuming you know these people? I just found this room not long ago, and I wanted to see what you thought of these lovely contraptions.'

'They're… Evil.'

'The boys? Yes, quite. They were all in a group when they decided it would be amusing to irritate me whenever they saw me.'

His pupils dilated, and he began grinning strangely. He cackled evilly.

'So I caught them all! Now they're here, right here, and will never escape!'

He stepped over to one of the guys and grinned in his face. 'Where's your friends now? You can't push me around as soon as I cut your hands off!'

He picked up a knife from the floor and slashed the boy's hands off. The guy screamed in pain, then shrieked at me, 'HELP ME, YOU RETARDED BITCH! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING JUST STANDING THERE? !'

I was in shock, watching his wrist stumps spurting blood and the hands twitching on the floor.

Johnny's pupils were still dilated, and he danced around the room, slashing up various boys and a few girls with glee, laughing maniacally as blood began to stain the whole floor, splattering onto the walls and getting mostly on, of course, Nny.

I unfroze slightly and managed to fall to my knees, cutting them up somewhat on the rough floor. I couldn't throw up, I couldn't scream, I couldn't cry. I could merely watch as all the people I hated most were killed.

Suddenly, Nny reached a certain person, and I moved. My lips formed words.

'Wait a second, Johnny.'

He glared at me over his shoulder, his curved sword-knives already in position to mutilate this particular person.

I stumbled open, as this particular dark-haired person's wide eyes grew wider than I could ever believe possible.

I was almost nose-to-nose with the particular subject.

'Hello, Lamar.'

He looked around. 'You gotta help me get out! They're- they're all dying! He's going to kill me!'

I smirked, as I sensed Nny's irritated tension grow.

'I've waited a long time for this,' I said.

I turned to Nny, absolutely sure of what horror I was about to commit.

'I want you to release him.'

'No.'

I sighed. 'This will be less fun.'

I picked up a baseball bat, tilted awkwardly in my left hand as I was right-handed and that arm was useless for a while longer yet.

I didn't break Lamar's locks off- hell no, this boy was responsible for _all of my clinical depression._

I grinned and laughed evilly like Nny had.

'You deserve this, you son of a bitch. You can feel _outside_ what I felt _inside._'

I gave him the first bash across the head, and turned to glare at Nny, who was giving me an absolutely shocked look, his eyes wide with dark, sketchy circles around them. I guess his prisoners had never come across their worst enemy before.

Lamar's face was bloodied, with a large split on his cheek visible, dripping blood. He struggled in his restraints, and I laughed.

'Oh, no, _we_ won't kill you. We're gonna have a little fun.'

Nny stepped in, and interrupted me. 'I actually do plan on killing him.'

'Not you. Someone else.'

'Who?'

I tapped my head and smirked. 'Inner voice. I'm a little crazy, and this fucker let everyone know after he broke off our engagement to go to a cheap-trash whore. He's the cause of my angst.'

I turned back to him, a fake pleasant smile on my face. I bashed his head around four or five more times, then said sweetly, 'Welcome to hell. Have a nice stay.'

…

_[So yeah. First JHTM fic… Not very good. Please pardon me for the utter shittiness of this. This was me taking some real-life angst about a BF (this isn't actually what happened, just embellished by… not a lot) and putting it into actions. Anyways, from now on, it will be about our heroine learning to know our not-so-heroic hero.]_


	2. Chapter 2

After my weird display, Nny had beaten me savagely and thrown me into my room. I had a black eye and several fresh knife marks. I sat, staring into space emptily and trying to ignore the pain lancing my every pore.

Suddenly, the door slammed open and Nny walked in, breathing hard and having a reptilian expression of inhuman rage.

'_You!'_

He grabbed me by the front of my shirt where I had been sitting and staring vacantly into space, shaking me violently in the air, my limbs shaking like wet noodles.

My eyes were wide as I tried to focus on his face, contorted with nonsensical rage.

'_Tell it to stop talking!'_

'_Tell what? !'_

'_The voices! Doughboy, nail bunny… All of them! Especially _yours!'

He then punched me across the face and dropped me, and I cracked my skull on the floor, listening to the sound of him stomping angrily out of the room and locking the door. I moaned in pain, and rolled on the hard, cold concrete with the tender bruises all screeching their protests at once.

I managed to drag myself to another corner that wasn't covered with my blood and cry quietly for a bit. I felt no urge to go home, but I had to escape lest Nny killed me.

The light was so revealing. I didn't want Nny to see me.

I could destroy the light switch.

I got up, my body crying out and causing me to let out a loud gasp of agony. I almost changed my mind about the light switch, but I didn't want Nny to keep hurting me.

I tottered over to it unsteadily, and began prying at it with my good left hand.

The wood around it was rotted and old, so the switch came off in my hand. I threw it at the light which still flickered, and missed. I staggered across the room and tried again.

…

This went on for a while, something like an hour, until I heard footsteps and tried desperately once again.

With a loud crash and a bit of a popping noise, the light went out. I made my shambling walk to my unbloodied corner as quickly as possible.

Johnny opened the door, and a voice that sounded deceptively sane called, 'Blood? Blood, where are you?'

He probably tried the light switch, because I heard cursing and an angry muttering.

'Blood, did you break the light switch?'

I said nothing, and tried to keep my terrified breathing quiet.

Suddenly, a flashlight turned on, one of those mini ones you would keep in your pocket. It slowly moved from corner to corner like a search light. My adrenaline was mounting steadily until I was sure I would throw up.

Finally, the light reached me and I squinted my eyes shut, trying to make myself as small as possible and squishing myself into the corner, although it hurt so much I wanted to sob.

'Blood. Blood, look at me.'

I opened my eyes unsteadily and looked at him, fearful that he may hurt me. He had turned the flashlight upon himself, showing that he was clean of any weapons.

'Come here, Blood.'

I got up unsteadily, and wobbled my way over to him.

I refused to be within five feet of him, however, and stopped before I reached him. He beckoned me with one finger, giving me his usual dark look and walked out of the room, disappearing to a corner to the left. I struggled to keep up in the labyrinth.

People screamed and cried for me to help them, but their cries could not reach my blood-deprived brain. I saw horrors that would haunt me as soon as I could understand exactly what they were. People cut in half, people taped up and slashed with knives, people upside down, people burned, people…

People. All people, all people that looked like the trashy stuck-up pieces of shit that taunted anybody who bothered to walk by them.

I saw them, but didn't see them. I was too focused on the steel-toed steps of Johnny as he got farther and farther away. Idly, I wondered how he walked so quickly with cloven knee-high boots. It had to be difficult.

I stepped over bodies, past buckets of blood, and countless torture instruments. The air was usually cold, but whenever I stepped by a heater, I would be hit with a blast of fetid rotting flesh that I could taste in my mouth.

I finally caught up to Johnny, in another room. He was standing there, looking around and muttering to himself.

This room was essentially the same as the last one, except it had a bloodstained, nasty-looking blanket on the floor with sandwiches on a plate.

He walked over to the plate with his strange graceful walk, and picked up a sandwich. He bit into it and said around a mouthful of food,

'Here's your new cage, since you messed up your other one. You're closer here so that I won't forget.'

He looked me up and down. My black eye, my scars and torn clothes were painfully obvious. I looked like a zombie.

'Oh, yeah,' he pointed idly over his shoulder to another door. 'Bathroom. Not very clean, so you could contract something funny if you're not careful.'

(_A/N: For some reason, I stopped writing here for something like an hour and drew a picture of Nny saying the phrase above. Will put link to it on DeviantArt this chapter or the next.)_

'Nny?' I said carefully.

He turned to me. This was the first time I had truly addressed him for any reason besides the obvious. 'What?'

'I can't walk. So don't get pissed next time you ask me to go somewhere, the trip to this room practically killed me.'

He gave me an odd look. I guess his captives asking for things nicely was something new. Johnny shrugged, and made an odd noise of contempt. I think he didn't know how to respond, so he threw his crust into a corner, grabbed another sandwich and left. He locked the door behind him.

As soon as he was gone, I went and collapsed on the bed and inspected the sandwiches. I checked for rat poison, spit, etc, but they appeared fine, so I ate one distastefully, mulling over the things I had seen that day.

Then I remembered the horrors I had seen and stumbled to the bathroom, vomiting everything into the toilet.

I leaned back onto the floor of the disgusting bathroom, shaking and pale. I should free those people. But I couldn't for fear of my own life.

Pathetic humanity. Sometimes I wished I had been born as something else.

I sat around pondering multiple things for a while, then I realized I had nothing to do. Go figure. You're in hell and being tortured daily by a raving mad serial killer, and you're _bored._

I mentally slapped myself in the face.

I got up and talked to myself quietly, scolding myself, praising myself, whining to myself. I figured that if I could hear a voice besides people screaming in pain and Nny's, it would lower my chances of insanity.

I paced the room, murmuring again and again things I already knew. Songs and words flew through my mind, so fast I couldn't understand.

I needed air. I wanted to go walk.

I went to test the door, and pathetically tugged on it. It was definitely locked, and definitely a strong door.

Miserable, I kicked weakly at the door and went to sulk on my nasty, bloody blanket. I didn't want any sandwiches. Sitting on the blanket with my wounds scabbing over, I was very tired, but refused to sleep for fear Johnny would leap through the door and beat me when I was unaware.

I was so tired…

…

_Tired…_

…

_-Darkness-_

_Darkness is in the mind of one who nurtures the darkness. It grows, and grows, until it can no longer be held. It gives you a feeling of pressure in your chest, so much that you want to rip it open to release this terrible feeling. The darkness never leaves once it infects you, and will never give you any mercy. The pain is just a part of the darkness. The changes made to your very existence are just part of it._

_The darkness will eventually, someday, consume us all._

…

I woke up to nothing. The light was still on, flickering slightly. Bugs had taken to crawling about the sandwiches.

Eerie screams and wails floated through the cracks of the silence. I remembered waking up to a particularly loud shriek.

I stood up, feeling much better than I had before I fell asleep. I kicked at the door a bit, and tried to open it. Nothing. I was so bored I wanted to see if I could turn myself into a spider by using my mind.

Suddenly, the door clicked and swung open into my face. I grunted in pain, staggering backwards.

'Ah, Blood, hello.'

I stood up straight and regarded him calmly. I had no fear, suddenly. Maybe it was the loss of blood, or the slightly regained blood, but he suddenly just didn't seem scary.

'Hi, Nny.'

I took him off guard, I guess, with my straightforwardness.

'You. Come here.'

He beckoned me, and I followed without complaint. I almost _was _a pet, the way I followed without complaint. Utter obedience with a few beatings. How could I be so weak? It wasn't weak, was it, if it was my life being threatened?

I pondered this as I followed Nny through the many halls and such.

_Weakling! He's going to kill you!_

My inner voice was chit-chatting. Lovely.

(_A/N: -by the way, A/N stands for Author's Note, if anybody didn't know- I have an inner voice. Yes, that may sound weird, but my depression is quite literally so bad I have a voice that tells me I'm weak and should kill myself. It's not quite literal conversation, just words and pictures that are separated from my normal mind. It's weird psychology. All you need to know is that our main character's got one too.)_

I ignored it, and kept on walking.

Suddenly, Nny stopped at a particular door and walked into a room.

It was actually quite nice, the usual walls but with bloodstains at least slightly scrubbed. The floor was clean, with nicely varnished hardwood. There was a little ugly old-looking TV, with a couch and a stove for cooking. A pot was bubbling on top. The room smelled like cheese.

Nny turned to me.

'It appears I am having a rather… Sane moment. I will say that I am never actually sane, but right now 'they' stopped talking, therefore a good mood is upon me. I figured I should ask who you are and why you are living in my chambers, without being restrained or tortured.'

He looked me up and down. 'You were beaten, it appears.'

I sighed. 'If you really don't remember me, I'd rather you went insane again. I mean, you don't remember beating the living hell out of me and keeping me as a pet?'

He laughed. It was still his usual cackling, maniacal laugh. It was only slightly different.

'Oh, yes, of course I remember that, I just don't remember exactly when this occurred, nor why. You see, I've been feeling dreadfully off lately. I'm too moody and half the time I find another _corpse_ I don't remember draining of blood.'

Then I noticed it.

The _wall._

Covered in blood. Buckets of blood.

Nny must have caught my open-mouthed expression, as he turned around and cackled.

'Hahaha! They _all_ find it disturbing. You're the first pet, per say, but all of those I bother bringing here to relieve of blood have that very same stupid expression as you.'

This annoyed me. I wasn't _stupid._ Nny would be the only person who could stand unperturbed at the sight of gallons of blood.

I stared at my hand, which was in claws. I didn't make fists, I made claws, since I wasn't very strong and did more damage with my nails. I didn't know how long I'd been there, but at least a week, I thought, but maybe since I couldn't see the sun my sense of time was fucked up.

He noticed my annoyance, and leaned forward with an amused expression, leaning his head on his fist.

'So, what do you think of humanity?'

I looked up from my open hand, relaxing it slightly. 'What?'

'You heard me.'

'I hate it,' I replied without a second thought. It was true- full of all the fucks and idiots who thought they were _better._

'Interesting… Most just yell and scream some more when I ask questions. You haven't done any of that… You comply without question. What brings this on?'

'Instinct. I know that if I were beating the living hell out of someone I hated, I wouldn't stop just because they asked. I'd either beat them into submission or to death. So being submissive is far easier.'

He nodded idly, staring straight through me to the stove. 'Your logic is much more intelligent than any of the fucks I capture. Do you know _why_ I kill them?'

'Can't say I do.'

His pupils dilated slightly, which appeared to be his sign of insanity. 'Because they're all miserable fucks! Every last one! Each time I go into public, I get called stupid, evil things! 'Wacky.' 'Nerdy.' 'Faggot.' Half the time, they're even uglier than me! So I kill them! They deserve it, the way they treat others, the pieces of shit!'

I looked at my bloody shoes. 'You're the one at the Taco Bell, the mall, the café… Not surprised, really, seeing all the people here. But you're never _caught._'

Nny nodded when I looked back up. 'I'm invisible. Nobody knows about me. I still _exist, _of course. I can feel hunger, and pain, and the urge to take a massive shit.

'I'm just never caught, and I'm not sure why. I can't die, either. Oh, I've tried, I've tasered myself right to the brain with enough power to kill an obese whale, yet I didn't die.'

'How?'

He cackled, and spasmodically twitched his hands, which were in claws. 'Forgot to charge it! There's always some reason or another- some way that I just didn't die!'

I sighed. 'I wish I had the bravery to kill myself. Considered it. Begged myself to. Never happened. I admire your guts, yet hate the ones strung across the walls.'

He smirked. 'Quite the poet, aren't you?'

'I try.'

We both laughed, but I knew in the back of my head… In no time, this would be hell all over again.

It always happens, whether you're in chains or not.


	3. Chapter 3

'Free me, save me from existence. Solve all the problems, whatever they may be, and bring light to the minds of all that are tortured like I. Free the souls of the damned, free the souls of the souls of those buried alive in their own misery, swallowed by the blackness of pain and hurt.'

I looked at Johnny. 'Gothic, ain't it?'

He nodded. Nny looked like he was going to go into a maniac phase again.

I got up and left the room. He had given me permission to go anywhere _but-_ he put a lot of emphasis on this- the door with the 'Keep Out' written in blood on it. If he found me anywhere near it, he said, he'd kill me without any qualms to his act.

I decided to go visit Lamar again, because my angstiness was on the roll with anxiety as a twin.

Every door looked the same, though, so I was… Let's just say, I saw some stuff that I didn't really like. To the point of vomiting and passing out for a few minutes every time. (About four.) Eventually, I listened for girly screaming on the inside and unfamiliar voices to save myself from the horrors.

'Fuck my life, fuck my life, fuck my life!' I yelled angrily, running down the corridors. How far could this damn hall _go?_

Nothing. Still nothing. I was getting really annoyed, annoyed enough to just go beat up one of the prisoners.

Then I tripped over one of the corpses I had carefully been stepping over, and twisted away like a snake from a fire, shuddering and disgusted.

Then it rolled over, empty eyes focusing on mine.

I screamed.

…

Johnny beat the girl across the face again and again, trying to wake her up. He'd heard her shriek, assuming one of the prisoners had gotten loose and was attacking her. Turned out the little sissy had tripped over a body he'd left lying around and passed out in disgust or fear. Maybe both. He didn't care.

Annoyance swirled with other fevered emotions in his mind, along with the thought, _Why not just kill her? Her blood would be pretty on the wall._

'But then it would dry and change colour,' he growled.

He hit her, harder than the rest of the times, then realized that would probably just keep her out of it. He sighed, and slung her over his back, careful of the arm he'd broken and slashed open, idly noticing the bandage was crusted with dried blood. He'd have to change it.

Nny didn't want her on his bed, no, she'd get blood on it and then he'd have to burn it. Of course, blood didn't bother him, just sleeping in his own sins seemed a little weird. Then again, he didn't like sleeping. Sleep was too _human. _Took up so much time in a world where time was everything. Time was life. Time was essence.

Time was precious, not to be wasted by self-induced unconsciousness. No, he wasn't one of the homeless idiots on the street putting themselves out with morphine so that they could forget they existed.

The girl on his back moaned. _Damn, what the hell was her name again,_ he thought.

_Right. Blood. She apparently won't tell me her real name because she doesn't like it._

Remembering was so hard. The screams of the fucks he tortured seemed to be bothering him a bit too much these days. He kept forgetting things more and more often, what with the Doughboys and Nailbunny all fighting over whether or not he should kill himself.

He wondered if he should, but having Blood around him made him feel good. Not a Devi sort of good, but a way only Blood seemed to be able to.

He didn't _love_ her, no, that was for the weak. He did, however, quite like her. She seemed to share his interests in death and hating humanity, which he found absolutely fascinating that she wasn't as crazy as he was somehow.

It seemed, though, that if he kept her with him long enough, he'd rub off on her.

Johnny reached her room, and noticed, annoyed, that the accommodations were less than what he would stand for. He made a mental note to not forget to get a mattress, even if he was in the middle of a depressive streak. It wasn't a good place to wake up in, alone.

He supposed that he could bring her along to see his work. Yes, that is what he would do.

The young man walked across the hall from that room and opened a door which lead into another hall, making progress like this. The odd thing was, no matter how much was wrong with him, Johnny always, always remembered how the halls were patterned. A blood stain here, a vomit puddle there, a foot nailed to the wall (he wasn't exactly sure why) and other things like that.

He entered a room with a couple teenage girls and their boyfriends chained to electric outlets. Whenever he pulled the switch, they would be electrocuted violently.

'Please! Stop this! I promise never to do it again! Please, just let us go!'

He laughed and cackled with glee as he danced gracefully about the room, electrocuting them almost to a rhythm only he could hear.

_Buzz. Buzz. Zap. Shriek. _Repeat.

'Aaah, what a lovely song!' he laughed.

Then, he heard a gasp from behind him, and he turned around, eyeing the noisemaker suspiciously.

Oh, it was the girl. Blood.

_(A/N: The way he turned around was the pose he took on the cover of Book 1. A lot of the actions and expressions he does are references from the book series.)_

…

I was awake now, to Johnny laughing and singing loudly as he electrocuted multiple people. I hoped I was still out of it, because I had no idea exactly why I was in a room having Johnny torturing people.

He grinned, wide eyes locked on mine.

'Aaaahhh, Blood, you're awake. I found you unconscious in the hall because you were a little scared by a body… So I wasn't quite sure what to do with you. I decided you could come see my work.'

My cheeks were throbbing and probably bruised. 'Were you beating me again?'

'Oh, I was trying to get you to wake up.'

His pupils were little pinpricks against his bloodshot eyes, and I backed up nervously, cutting my hands on the splintered, bloodstained floor.

_(A/N: I finally finished the JTHM pic. -joy- Here's the link, remove the spaces: __http:/sunwingthewolf .deviantart .com/art/__ Johnny-The-Homicidal-Maniac-193431366 ) Remove that bracket, too)_

Suddenly, Johnny's arms moved wicked fast and with a little _pop_ the world suddenly looked fuzzy.

I looked down to a sharp pain in my arm, seeing a little dart sticking out. _Really,_ I thought. _Fucking tranquilizers. What else does this guy have?_

That was my last thought before I blacked out… Again.

…

_Bam. Bam. Bam._

I snarled and grabbed the fist which was pounding my face left and right. My nails dug in, and I angrily squeezed, drawing blood.

Then I noticed it was Johnny, and we were in that room of his again. I was on the couch, and he was in a slightly awkward position, knees beside my waist, hitting me repeatedly across the face.

A relieved look spread across his face. I gave him an odd look, and then he looked angry, but not quite. It was easy to see that he wasn't.

'God, you shouldn't have been out that long! How weak _are _you?'

I coughed. 'Apparently very weak. Get the hell off me, please.'

He then noticed how awkward and inappropriate the way he was kneeling on me seemed.

I sat up, looking around. There was the _wall,_ which still made me cringe to see. There was the stove, with something else that smelled like spaghetti bubbling on top.

I was irritated, and got up, pacing the room. My mind was flying a thousand miles a minute.

Johnny asked, 'Blood? What are you doing?'

I looked over to him. 'See, when you chain someone like me to a wall or cripple them temporarily, they get pent-up energy and very, very annoyed. Therefore, I am in a bad mood at the moment and would appreciate it verily if you could find me something I could draw on. I am aware that the book you dragged me here with is somewhere in my room, but it is strictly for _writing,_ not _drawing._'

He gave me an odd look. 'You're an artist?'

'Yeah, kind of. I was trying to make a career out of it when, like, you know, I was captured by someone, _definitely_ not you.'

He laughed at my sarcasm. 'Lovely sense of humour. I guess I'll see what I can do, since I like artists.'

I narrowed my eyes at him. Weird.

'Maybe I should you on a trip with me above ground sometime,' he mused.

I turned around, a bit of excitement lighting me up.

'-But, of course, a toe out of line, and I kill you. And I told you before, I can't get caught.'

Hope extinguished. Being… Out of here for a bit would be nice, though. Some fresh air, rather than the musty, nasty smell of the bowels of hell.

My lungs ached to feel clean, rather than full of the sin that clouded the air in this place. I wondered if Nny would forget about my existence eventually, leaving me free, so much that I could just walk out the door.

'…And then I fell off a bridge,' I said loudly.

I turned to look at Nny, who looked as though I had said, 'I want a fluffy, fluffy kitten.'

'Sorry,' I said. 'Mind on retard mode. Excuse me. I'm gonna go back to my.. 'Living room.' Ha, ha.'

Nny shook his head. 'No, you're staying in this room for a while. The Doughboys are quieter when you're in here, and I don't really appreciate their company all that much anymore.'

He gestured to a corner where two Styrofoam models lay. The Pilsbury Doughboys, except disturbingly painted. They smiled eerily, gazing into space with something like awareness, yet not.

Next to them, a rabbit was nailed to a wall. Must have been what he was talking about when he first was considering keeping me as a 'pet.'

He turned to me. 'You said you have _them_ talk to you too.'

I shook my head. 'I don't have actual objects. Just the one voice. Tells me to kill myself a lot.'

'That's what the Doughboys do.'

I shrugged. 'We all have our problems.'

My stomach suddenly snarled furiously. Annoyed, I contemplated punching myself in the stomach. God, I really _was_ going insane.

Johnny stared at my reaction to my stomach growling. He asked, 'I have some skettios on the stove, if you want some.'

I really, really didn't like pasta, but I was hungry enough to eat the dead rabbit on the wall. Actually, scratch that, I felt like throwing up after even thinking that. Icky, icky dead rabbit.

'Whatever. Sure,' I replied.

I went to one of the corners to sit. I didn't like sitting in the open space. I refused to sit next to the wall.

I looked at the room. It had changed slightly since my last visit. A coffee table was between two couches, both facing the coffee table. The ugly TV was now moved to be to the front of the coffee table (the point of view upon entering the room) and the bloody wall was to the left. The Doughboys and Nailbunny were at the corner to the top right, close to the stove where Nny was currently standing, staring at the pot absentmindedly. A cupboard was to the right, with the only clean weapons I'd seen in that house spilling out of it.

Johnny walked over to this cupboard, shoving weapons aside and saying 'Fuck!' loudly when it appeared as though he had nicked himself on one unintentionally.

He pulled two bowls out, and walked over to the pot, looking at his hand where he had cut himself, as blood oozed out slowly.

He poured whatever the hell the concoction in the pot was into the bowls, and I got up and headed over to the couch.

He put the bowls on the coffee table, flicked on the TV, and sat down across from me.

Johnny was about to pick his bowl up and dump the contents into his face, but I held my hand up.

I said, 'May we praise God for this… Whatever the hell- it is.. Um, and his Lord Holiness-'

I cracked up, and fell backwards onto the couch laughing. 'Hah! HAHAH! Yeah, _right!_ God! I make myself laugh sometimes!'

Nny laughed too, not nearly as much as me, but maybe he was Christian. I, myself, hated Christianity due to the fact God could not exist with the way he left us to live in the Realm of Suck.

I picked up my bowl, and spotted an eyeball. I shrugged, plucked it out, and tossed it idly aside.

Yeah, I was definitely insane.

…

_Third chapter down. I'm honestly getting frustrated because this story has no good baseline. Okay. Nny captures someone and builds a relationship. Whatever. Fun, fun. But Jesus, I can't think of anything else! I mean, a romance between them would be weird this early, if ever. Got ideas? Please PM me (take note I changed my pen name because I hated my old one) or leave a review with comments and/or ideas._


	4. Chapter 4

_(*Annoyance* I'm happy that people are enjoying the story, I have three people on the alerts list. Might not seem like a lot, but I'm glad I've got three watching the story rather than none. What annoys me, though, is only one out of these three people reviewed- WHEN TO SUBSCRIBE TO MY STORY, YOU HAVE TO CLICK 'REVIEW.' I'd rather a simple 'Great! Keep on going!' Rather than 'Doi-ii, too lazy to type four words..' Yeh, I know, I'm being a little mean, but man, I'm having some 'dreadfully troublesome days lately.' My moods are a lot like Johnny's, except I don't actually own a gun, sadly.)_

I wandered through the corridors, casting a dark, depressed gaze down. I wondered about multiple things at once, my mind unable to move as quickly as it usually did in times of anxiety.

At that moment, I was nor content nor sad- I was just neutral. No feeling. Cold and empty, so much so it was beginning to scare me.

I let out soft noises, listening to the quiet hallways bounce the echoes.

It had been two weeks since I callously plucked a human eye out of my soup. Johnny was out, and I was working on memorizing the chambers so that I didn't get lost anymore. I had learned Lamar's location, barely alive.

I forced him to eat and drink daily, so that I could keep him alive enough that I could torture him. Nny was disappointed that I showed no interest in any of his other torture subjects.

I realized, suddenly, that he still hadn't gotten me anything to draw on. My hands itched to make something creative so that I could criticize myself.

I was currently meandering through the Wicked Emptiness, as I liked to name the areas rather poetically. The place was, wicked, of course, and empty. Blood spattered the walls and floor like every-fucking-where in this whole damn place, and reeked of death. The thing was, Nny didn't use this area, except to store the items he found on the people he killed, such as money, clothes, and whatnot.

It wasn't like he stripped everyone naked, he just took clothes that he liked and stored them away. Some were female, some were male. It was odd. They were always black, of course, knowing Nny.

I wandered through the hall some more, and then got bored of looking through the many doorways to see boxes strewn, money or clothes spilling onto the floor.

Then I realized, I needed some clothes.

I stepped into one of the rooms, and kicked clothes around. I really liked Nny's knee-high, cloven, steel-toe boots. I didn't see any, though, so I just took some leather shoes. I was currently in my shitty bloodstained shoes that I had arrived in.

Wandering about the room, a lot of the clothes had some rip or another, which bothered me to no end.

I made an irritated noise then picked up the leather shoes and left the room.

I stepped into another one, which was just full of men's clothes. Next.

This room was full of women's apparel, and immediately upon entering the room I found a black twin-tailed trench coat which I found worthy of being a treasured possession.

I found some black skinny jeans, realizing suddenly I had to have lost a lot of weight and look practically anorexic from the way Johnny tended to underfeed me unless I went and scavenged for myself.

I found a common teenage girl shirt, with a white rabbit outline cartoon on the front. It was all I needed to be worthy of going outdoors, besides washed and brushed hair. I was considering just cutting all of it down to my shoulders so that it wasn't such a pain in the ass to look for an unbloodied comb that didn't have a cockroach on it.

The hall was so goddamn silent, it was starting to creep me out. Clothes in hand, I left, heading to my 'room' to change.

Me being me, I had cleaned the bathroom. Who knew that underneath the orangish dirt, blood, and mold, it had actually been a sparkling white bathroom?

Slipping out of my old, torn clothes, it felt good to rid myself of them.

I looked at my naked, exposed skin critically in the mirror. I was covered in little, thin pink lines, all over my paler complexion (because I had been indoors for God-knows-how-long.)

I ran my fingers idly over the X's and lines, wondering how many of them there were. I considered counting them.

My face was scarred, too, but not as noticeably as the rest. My arm was practically healed, but I still had to wear those bandages. I changed them once a week, (or every 6 times I slept) since Nny tended to neglect little things like gangrene.

I got annoyed with my matted carpet of black hair, and pulled out scissors, chopping it with one clean snip.

It fell nicely just above my shoulders. I was pleased. I looked for the comb I usually kept and dragged it through my hair.

I looked like a Goth, my eyes sunken and dark. I wasn't Asian, but born somehow with black hair anyways.

I pulled the shirt on, over my head, and the pants on as well. Slipping into the trench coat and black shoes, I felt very good, looking in the mirror. I was very dark-looking, indeed, and I liked it.

I grinned at myself and left the bathroom to go irritate Lamar. He was quite alive, and I had changed his restraints to shackles so that it would be easier to beat the tar out of him whenever I felt like it.

I fed him things like cat food, and if he didn't eat it, I forced it into his mouth.

'Hey, buddy,' I said, grinning widely when I stepped into the room.

His head hung low, and he looked up with a dull, almost catlike expression since he had very yellowish eye colour.

I walked over and kicked him. I'd broken his legs so that he couldn't walk not long before.

He let out a small noise. He didn't shriek anymore, just sat in dull submission.

I was about to kick him again, harder, when he said something.

I said, 'What?' and he repeated it again. My old name.

I kicked him and said, 'That's not my name. Blood is my name, and you better not forget it.'

He looked up at me mournfully. 'I know I was wrong, the way I left you for that girl, and cheated on you, and treated you like shit. I knew you cared, and I thought that would never run out.

'But you know this isn't you. When we were together, you would never hurt a fly. What changed? And where? _Why?_'

I was uncomfortable. 'I was always this way. I just didn't realize it until you practically _killed _me.'

I snarled at him, 'You don't deserve any more of my attention. You can just sit here and die for all I care, you little shit!'

I left, feeling bitter and angry, punching the wall as I left.

Nny ran into me as I stormed down the hall, carrying art supplies.

'Hi-'

'Don't feel like talking, Nny.'

He looked annoyed that I had just blown him off, and followed me. I didn't acknowledge him, but I could hear his steel-toed cloven steps behind mine.

I opened the door to my room, and noticed a couple new things- a bloodstained couch, with a long blood streak across the floor from it being pushed to the wall.

A mattress had taken place of the nasty blanket, with the blanket draped haphazardly over the said mattress in the best effort of making a bed that Nny could muster. (Of course it wasn't actually a new mattress- it had the signature bloodstains of every-fucking-thing in this damn hell.)

I stopped, noticing the canvas. The beautiful, perfectly perfect canvas, with a stand and paints.

I just stared at it, until Johnny bumped into my back, spilling all the stuff he was carrying.

I turned around to look at him. He didn't seem fazed.

'There. Now maybe you can quit whining about not being able to 'express yourself' or being comfortable.'

I stammered, 'Um, th-thanks, Nny, I mean it, but honestly, you didn't need to go to all this trouble.'

'Yeah, I did. Now maybe Nailbunny'll stop complaining about me 'treating you badly.' He's constantly drilling that I'm not nice to my guests.'

He got up to leave, kicking the various art supplies he had been carrying to the side.

I wondered if he had really felt bad for me, or just wanted to do something to make himself feel better. Lately, he had been very angst-filled and angry. I once went into the room with the two couches, which I called the 'kitchen' nowadays, to get some food because I hadn't eaten for two sleep-periods. The second I stepped into the room, I noticed he was sleeping and tried to be quiet because he usually hit me or stabbed me if I woke him up.

Unfortunately for me, when I got out a box of Mac N' Cheese that wasn't bloodstained, I went to get a pot and made a very loud _clang._

My back prickled with his sudden laser-hot, furious stare.

I turned around slowly, to see his pupils little pinpricks against his bloodshot, angry eyes, I remembered- disturbing. It looked almost like his pupils were going to suck into his eyes and cause an implosion.

He had leapt off of the back of the couch, knocking it over and landing on the floor in a crouching position. From there he had scuttled over to me, now turned around and trying to scoot away from his reaching, gloved hands.

He'd wrapped his long fingers around my throat and squeezed tightly, rattling me back and forth. I gasped and choked for air, my face growing red from lack of air.

When he decided not to choke me to death, he beat me senseless. Do you know how it feels to be _kicked _by_ steel-toed, cloven boots?_ It _HURTS!_

I tried to block myself from his blows. I had learned early that if I fought back, screamed, or ran, it just made it all worse.

Then he started punching and kicking me at the same time.

That was about three weeks ago- he had muttered an apology once, then disappeared often, leaving me to my own devices. I didn't know where he went, exactly, but I knew it was through the door that he had warned me against in the beginning of my stay with him. It said 'Keep Out' or 'Stay Away' written in blood. I was pretty sure it lead to outside. Where else would he go? He usually came back with supplies or food, like this time around.

I shrugged, and talked to myself as I wandered over to the canvas. The paints beside it were tempting, but I craved something simpler- merely sketching.

I turned back around, and of course, Johnny had gotten everything- an array of new pastels, pencil crayons, paints- you name it, he had it. I guessed that he had been an artist before his insanity thing. He'd never mentioned it, but it seemed logical for him to know the tools of the trade like that.

I picked up one of the like, five or six sketchbooks and a pencil. I went to sit on my bed, flipping open to the first page. What to draw?

I stared at the empty, white paper for a long time.

Then I decided to draw Johnny, since he was the first and last thing on my mind. Not in a lover way, mind you, but in a fearful way. Plus, I had to know where he was, since I depended on him for food, like a puppy.

I wondered how, exactly, to draw him. A little silly cartoon, or a dark depiction of his personality? What about his constant interchangeable expressions?

I couldn't decide. I decided to just draw some lines, connect them, and try to make something out of it.

…

I was finished the drawing. It had taken several sheets of paper abandoned, along with some frustration and wall-punching.

I'd completed it and was satisfied an hour before, but it turned out Nny had locked my door without my knowing. I'd gotten very annoyed and kicked it. I was hungry and irritated, not to mention really craving a walk in the fresh air.

I went and sat on my bed, pulling the shoes off and massaging my slightly sore feet, as the footwear was the tiniest bit too small.

I pulled the trench coat off, too, and lay back, under the blanket. It felt nice, secure. I rolled to face the door as it felt safer with my back to the wall.

I closed my eyes and tried to drift to sleep, save myself from the hunger and cold for a while. My arm hurt a bit from the position that I was in, but it was probably a week before it was safe to remove the stitches and bandages. Besides, pain was nothing nowadays. A little twinge was something I could laugh at.

I thought about all my pains and experiences since starting to live with Nny.

_Hell, I like him anyways, _I thought, as I drifted off to sleep for a while.

…

When I woke up, Nny still wasn't around, that I knew of. I crossed my room and bashed at my door angrily and screeched, _'NNY!'_

'_Johnny! Johnny.. Whatever the fuck your last name is! Come here!'_

I heard a thumping of hurried footsteps and my door flew open, Johnny breathing hard and spattered in blood. '_What? !_ What's wrong?'

I stopped, my mouth open and my arm hanging in midair.

'Um… I wanted out.'

'You… That's it? You just wanted out? _Really?'_

'Yeah..'

He gave me a disgusted look and punched me across the face, then ran off.

I rubbed my sore jaw, not really comprehending what the hell just happened at all.

Whatever.

I ran off into the dark to go be insane for a little while, and make some Skettios. Mmm.

…

_Please review. It makes my day filled with a tiny bit of sunshine. Also, Blood won't call Nny to kill you if you review. In fact, she may convince him to give you a little hug. Or a slap. Whatever tickles your fancy._


	5. Chapter 5

(_A/N: This giggling thing? Happens to me sometimes. It's disturbing, and it's happening atm, or, at least, trying to. Enjoy Blood's happiness while it lasts. Oh, and I figure I'll bribe you for more reviews: if I get 5 (or 6 if I'm in a bad mood) reviews, then I'll tell you the first letter of Blood's real name. Happy? Capiche.)_

…

'_I see a red door.. And I want it.. Painted.. Black.'_

'_No colours… Anymore… I want them… To turn black.'_

I sang this loudly as I ran through the halls, giggling maniacally. The lack of fresh air was getting to me, I was running into things on purpose and laughing like an insane clown on every drug you ever heard of.

I ran through rooms laughing at the captives, even kicking a few of them.

Until, of course, I eventually ran into Johnny, knocking him over and surprising the piss out of both of us.

He was winded, and choked out, _'Blood?_ What in _fuck's_ name are you doing?'

I just lay on the floor, giggling with disturbing glee.

Johnny stood over me, with a very uneasy expression. He tapped me with his foot.

I squeezed between ticklish girly squeals, 'It's… It's…'

He sighed, cutting me off. 'Your body. It's rebelling because you haven't walked around enough. God, this is something only you would do to yourself. You lock yourself in that _room_ with that… That… Voice- yes, I hear you talking to it- and never walk around enough. You need to get the fuck _outside_ before you stab yourself through the hand with a pencil or something.'*

(_A/N: I-am-the-Mathgoth reference! Go read her stories now!)_

I sat up, trying to stifle my laughter. 'I- know- the… Energy… _HAHAHAHA!_ It caught in my chest… And…'

I sobered suddenly. 'Sorry about that. I'll be going now.'

I got up to toddle off and be bored somewhere, but Johnny grabbed me by the shoulder, taking me completely off guard. It took all I had to not turn around and break his nose, because he had never touched me before unless he had to. Most of the time when I was touched, it was a dead body or a captive.

'Come on. We're going outside.'

…

Nny had been ready to just slick his hair back with some blood (you couldn't see it in his black hair) and charge out the door, but even if I was going insane, I still cared about appearance.

So I went and got ready, teased my hair a little, brushed it and made note to buy a toothbrush after rinsing my mouth with water.

(_A/N: It's 1:19 AM and the whole above section of this chapter is probably terrible. I was in a very good and bad mood.. Rereading it… God, that's terrible. Please ignore above section if possible. Will be sleeping soon to spare you from further torment. Thank yew~)_

When Nny and I walked out of the labyrinth, he looked tense and annoyed. He opened up the door with the blood written on it, and gestured up the stairs. 'After you.'

I saw the flash of a knife slid into his pocket, and I gulped. I wasn't going to try running.

I walked up the stairs, getting the first addictive breath of fresh air that I had had in probably one or two _months._

I wanted to run like the wind and get the hell away from Johnny's gaze burning my back, but I couldn't. Why?

Well, you know already he was carrying a knife. If I ran, he could throw it, and he had proven to me already what disturbingly good aim he had. He also was a lot faster than me at running when he was angry, which he had also proven when he was beating the shit out of me and I ran.

No, it was easier to appreciate this once-in-a-hell-time opportunity and just be happy.

At the top of the stairs was the cleanest part of this house that I'd ever seen. The floor was well-varnished, and the only truly weird things were the boarded windows and knives in the wall. No bloodstains, nothing. You'd just think that Johnny was a bit weird. Not a bloodthirsty, depraved maniac.

I opened the front door, hearing the lock click open. Weird. Johnny actually bothered with locks. Stepping outside, I also noticed a car. A very, very crappy car, to the left of the house. I would have missed it sitting there in the shadows if I weren't so used to scanning my environment quickly and paying attention to detail, as I needed that in Johnny's torture chambers to survive. Not only Johnny was insane and out to attack me in there.

I looked up at the moon, which, of course, my life being super cliché, was full.

I felt good, and Johnny walked up beside me and stared up at it too.

'This makes more gothic poetry come to my mind,' I said.

'It is… Beautiful, I suppose. I stopped paying attention to these smaller things one hell of a long time ago. Now come on, we have places to go.'

I looked over to him. 'We do?'

'No, not really.'

I shrugged and started down the block. 'Wait a sec,' Nny said.

He jogged into his neighbour's yard, and climbed silently up to the second-floor window with disturbing catlike grace.

He opened the window and crowed into the room, '_HI SQUEE!'_

I heard a loud noise that sounded suspiciously like a _squee!_ of fear. I managed to squeeze out a little giggle at the weird noise.

Johnny jumped down from the window, landing on the grass quietly.

We walked down the street in silence, and I watched my shadow lengthen and shorten under the street lights. The pavement glistened slightly with rain from probably earlier that day. Some puddles dotted the sides of roads, reflecting the night sky.

Noir was talking, however.

'_Enjoy this while you can… He'll lock you away eventually. He'll forget about you. He'll leave you to rot, alone.'_

I murmured, 'I'm not in the mood for angst. Go away.'

'_You know my words to be true..'_

I locked her up in my head, feeling her anger, which was my anger at the same time.

…

Johnny and I arrived at a small club.

We stepped inside, cheap perfume and smoke filling the place. I let out a hacking cough, and Johnny shot me a look that said, '_Suck it up, princess.'_

I gave him a glare and tried to ignore the tickle in my throat. Colourful lights and shitty music blared in the background, giving me a headache after the constant darkness of Johnny's dungeon.

We sat up at the counter, and Johnny asked somewhat irritably, 'Do you want a drink?'

I shook my head, giving him a weird look. 'No, I don't drink.'

He made a grunt of acknowledgement and stared into space. A female bartender walked up and squealed, 'Oh! Hi! How are you, like, doing? It's so great in here, isn't it?'

I tried to politely hide the fact that her perfume was destroying me by covering my face with my hand.

Johnny gave her an angry look, and I saw a flash of fear cross her face.

'Oh! I guess I'll like, see you around then!'

She scurried off, and I breathed a sigh of relief and regretted it as I inhaled again.

I got up, casting a look over my shoulder at Johnny, who was watching me walk off. I knew he would have an eye on the exits. It hadn't been my plan anyways, I just wanted to walk to a darker corner away from all the giggling feminine bartenders in the surroundings.

By the dance floor, there were some tables that had obscene things written on them. I took the one in the darkest spot possible, and sat, watching the movements of the dancers as the bad music blared.

A guy walked up to me and asked, 'Is this seat taken?'

I shook my head.

He pulled a chair from another nearby table and sat.

'So, what's a pretty thing like you doin' all alone on a nice night like this?'

He had black hair (like everyone else in the club) and blue eyes, suggesting he was actually a natural blonde. He wore a white shirt, red jacket, and black jeans.

I replied, 'I'm not alone, technically. My… friend dragged me here.'

'Oh.'

I stared at the table, reading all the disgusting things and drawings, which commonly seemed to be genitalia. Lovely place.

'So… You're new here?'

I nodded. 'I tend to… not go out much.'

'I can tell from your skin. It's super white.'

Suddenly, one of the lights fell on my arms for a moment, and a fleeting look of shock crossed his face before he regained his composure.

'Sorry, I couldn't help but notice… Your arms are covered in scars.'

I nodded again, and mumbled, 'I'm in a bit of an abusive relationship.'

His face fell. 'Oh, so you have a boyfriend?'

'I tend to avoid him, so no, not really. He kind of… lives near me. It's a little unavoidable.'

'Why don't you call the police?'

'I…' I couldn't think of an excuse, and panicked a bit. 'I…'

Then, he made a reason for me. 'Stockholm's syndrome?'

My mouth still open from my spaz attack, I said unintelligently, 'Huh?'

'Where you develop feelings for your abuser, mistaking a lack of beatings for kindness- you feel as though you identify with him and don't want to cross him.'

I nodded. 'Err, yes, sure.'

Another awkward silence ensued.

'Do you want to… hang out with me sometime?'

He pretty much said, _Let's have sex._

I wanted to, just to escape the hell, but I knew that I would never be able to have a relationship again after what I had been going through recently. I mean, less than two hours before meeting this guy, I had someone screaming for me to help them as they vomited blood and sobbed.

'I'm sorry… I… Can't. I have problems.'

'I could help.'

'No, I don't think you could. I'm sorry. You seem nice.'

He nodded. 'It's okay. I have to go, I think someone's waiting for me. I'll see you around.'

The guy got up and left, but paused. 'By the way, what's your name?'

I paused. I couldn't tell him my name was Blood, and I didn't want him to know my real name.

'My name?'

'Yeah.'

'I'm… Red.' Close enough to Blood.

'I'm Alec.'

With that, he walked off into the smoky haze and into the crowd of dancers. Weird guy. I wanted to leave.

I got up and made my way through the heaving mass of people over to Johnny at the front of the bar, still staring into space.

'I want to leave,' I said.

He nodded. 'I was waiting for you. Actually was about to come get you.'

Nny got up and we stepped out the door, and I was thankful for the clean air in my mutilated lungs. I swore I was breathing out purple smoke.

Johnny said, 'I need to go by the 24/7 and get a cherry Fiz-Wiz.'

I had no idea what the hell a fiz-wiz was, so I just said, 'Okay.'

We sauntered our way past multiple buildings until we reached one that was less dingy than the rest. 'Right here,' Nny said. 'Do you… Need anything?'

I shook my head. The smell of that club had made me feel sick.

I walked over to underneath a darker alley thing at the side of the store where it wasn't all lit up. I think Nny just somehow _knew_ I didn't feel like running anymore. It was disturbing how he read me like that.

Suddenly, I heard a voice and a sharp pain on my throat. Arms gripped me and I stiffened.

'_Don't_ move, and I won't kill you.'

It was that Alec guy. I recognized the voice.

I stayed still, until I noticed his hand ever… so… slowly… lifting up my shirt. He slid a hand inside, and my heart pounded in fear, and I wanted to scream for Johnny, but knew I couldn't.

'_Get away from me!'_ I squeaked.

He just laughed lustily. I could feel… _it…_ poking me in the leg, making me shake in terror.

Alec's hand fell to touch me between the legs, and I shuddered, not in pleasure, but in absolute disgusted violation.

'You know you like it,' he whispered. I could smell alcohol on his breath as it heated my ear. He panted heavily, and I was shuddering in fear and revulsion all over.

'Please… Stop,' I yelped.

I only heard a disgusting little laugh, and it seemed my words spurred the pervert on even further.

I closed my eyes as he felt me up and down, but suddenly the knife was pulled from my throat. Was he going to stop?

No, he wasn't.

He spun me around for a rough kiss, and I tried to resist, even with the knife cutting the back of my throat. He tried to force me to the ground, and I struggled, greeting a stab to the side. I collapsed and he started pulling my pants down. I was under the sudden realization that I was…

A virgin. Still a virgin. I was going to lose my virginity to a rapist.

Suddenly, I heard a strange hissing noise and the noise of glass breaking, along with the splatter of liquid.

Moments later, the weight was off me and I heard a scream of pain from Alec.

'_Not so tough with your _dick_ off, huh!_ ? You little _fucker!_ Maybe _this _will teach you to teach people with some _respect!'_

Another tortured scream, and I opened my eyes_. Nny!_

I rolled to the left and crouched, and could only watch in satisfaction mixed with horror as Johnny ripped Alex's genitalia to shreds with a broken bottle. I looked behind me to see reddish liquid under the light and some glass.

Johnny then poised the glass over Alec's throat.

'If you scream, I will kill you. I am taking you with me, and do not scream or your life will be gone in an instant.'

I saw Alec's terrified blue eyes shimmer, and he nodded soundlessly.

Nny slung the rapist over his shoulders and stiffly walked past me.

He turned his furious gaze on me. 'Hurry the fuck up!' he snarled. Feeling foolish, I got up, pulled my pants up and fixed my belt, trying to make myself look more presentable as I hurried after Johnny. He was running now, Alec's blood dripping onto the pavement but being washed away by the tiny drizzle of rain that was now starting.

I followed as quickly as possible, the back of my neck smarting where Alec's knife had cut it.

…

Soon enough, we were 'home.' I followed Nny inside, and he dropped Alec on the floor where he moaned and lay pathetically.

Johnny turned to me. It was dark, and I couldn't see his expression.

'Are you okay?' he muttered.

'…Sort of,' I said.

I still felt disgusted. I could still feel his hands groping me, touching me where I'd never actually been touched before.

I shook my head, tears threatening. 'I need to go… I need to be alone for a while.'

With that, I opened the door to hell and went to my room, locked the door, and sat on my bed, weeping.

…


	6. Chapter 6

A month after the incident with Alec, Johnny was still torturing him, enraged with his filthy act. Since then, I'd been constantly in thought, and quiet. I rarely ate, and often Johnny would restrain me and force food into me.

I didn't cry, I didn't struggle. Nny had tried beating me into response once, but I'd just sat and took it until he stopped.

I was tired and slept most of the time. I didn't get into weird moods anymore, I just drew little things I never finished. It was like that one, simple, obscene encounter had sucked the art out of me.

I remembered, vaguely, how I had been so scared of Johnny raping me when he never had. Obviously by his reaction to Alec, he really, really, _really_ didn't like that sort of thing.

I got up, unlocked my door for the first time in a month, and stepped out into the hall. It was silent. Dead silent. Ha, ha.

I wandered through the halls until I made it to the 'kitchen.'

I stepped in and saw Nny standing by the stove, cooking something. His face lit up (or twisted into something like a semblance of grim happiness) slightly when he saw me out, for once.

I walked over to the cupboard where all the stuff was kept, and rummaged around.

'What are you looking for?'

'Knife.'

'Why?'

'Want one.'

'…Why?'

'Because I do. Get off my back.'

I found the object of my desire, and left, Johnny's irritated gaze burning a hole in my back.

I made my way back through the halls to my room.

I stepped over to the canvas, and looked at it. I picked up a cup for rinsing brushes, and went to sit at my bed.

I stared at the knife, the smooth, deadly edge, appreciating its lack of rust or wear. It was practically brand new. I stared at it for a long, long time.

…

Thirty minutes to an hour later, I gritted my teeth, and brought my pain to the front of my mind.

I made a quick, deep slash to my arm, letting the blood drip into the cup.

Noir was laughing with glee. '_Yes, yes! That's it! Give in to the pain… The agony… Let it flow! Let it flow in the red nectar. Revel in the pain, Blood.'_

'Shut… _UP!'_ I screamed at the voice in my head. My arm was bleeding more than planned, and I watched numbly as it continually flowed in a red river, down my arm, down my fingers, and in a little red waterfall into the cup.

It hurt like hell, but I didn't really feel it. The bandages from when my arm broke were long gone. I hadn't done this in so long. But when the angst builds like that, the pain is too much. You get desperate.

The cup was almost full. I staggered across the room to get another one.

I didn't feel like sitting on the bed, so I just watched as blood slowly began to crust around the wound. The flow was slowly stopping, but definitely not quickly. I watched as that cup filled, then another, and another, when it was finally slowed enough to fill just half a cup.

I just sat there, looking at the carnage dripped all over the floor, my arm, which now hurt with a vengeance, and burst out in tears.

Why did something so little like that guy touching me bother me so much? I'd seen so much more, so much worse..

It was just… I didn't know.

I was so weak.

I managed to teeter my way across the room and collapse on my bed, smearing more blood on it.

I'd stopped crying, and was staring numbly at my door.

Johnny was in the doorway.

Furious.

'What the _hell_ are you _DOING! ?'_ he shrieked.

He took the knife from the floor and flung it into the wall, picking me up to stand eye-to-eye with him.

'_WHAT_ in _FUCK'S_ name were you _doing! ?'_

I mumbled, 'Cutting myself. What's it look like?'

'_Why?'_

'I.. I dunno.'

He shook me furiously, and I grabbed him by the shoulders, my nails digging in, probably drawing blood.

My mouth moved, and said as my throat burned with sudden anger, in a voice that wasn't mine, _'Fuck… Fuck… Get the fuck AWAY!'_

His eyes flashed with anger, surprise, and warning all at once, and I growled in the back of my throat, baring my teeth.

'Blood, come with me.'

I struggled to loosen my hold on him, my fingers refusing to bend to my will. I succeeded after a few moments. 'I'm… Sorry.'

He had merely turned around and left already. None of the blood cups were kicked over, I duly noted, as I followed the clicking of his steel-toed steps.

…

After a long walk through the maze, unnecessarily long, we arrived at the kitchen room thing. Nny must have been walking in circles on purpose.

'Why here?' I asked Nny.

'Obviously I need to keep a watch on you 24/7 if you're going to start doing stupid fuck-up shit like this.'

I went and sat on one of the couches, glaring at him. 'Last time I checked, you were a murderer. You don't give a crap about little things like people getting cut.'

This obviously hit a nerve, and his hands turned into fists as his gaze turned into a burning-hot glower.

He swiftly crossed the room and hit me across the face, and I leapt from my seat on the couch, clawing his neck and biting into his shoulder, trying to knee him in the crotch.

Before I could accomplish that, he threw me off and I cracked my skull on the floor. I lay there momentarily, stunned, as he kicked me.

I rolled away from the blows and leapt again, punching him in the stomach and then across the face.

This served nothing except to anger him more, and he grabbed both of my wrists so that I couldn't move. I buried my teeth in his arm and his grip only tightened, cutting off blood flow.

I saw the other arm start to come around with a sedative needle in hand, (where did he get those things?) and I jumped to the side as he tried to jab me, making him drop it.

He threw me to the couch, and pinned my limbs down until I stopped moving.

His bony knees dug into my leg, and the pressure of his arms on my wrists was starting to hurt.

It reminded me a lot of when I'd first been attacked by him, and I was on the floor, with his hair dangling into my face like it was now.

Except, this time, I recognized the expressions that crossed his face, and his body language.

He slowly got off of me, looking for any warning that I would attack him again.

I lay there, glaring at him, breathing hard. He was breathing hard too, in exertion. I probably wasn't an easy girl to pin down like that.

I sat up slowly, trying to watch to see if _he_ would attack _me._

He didn't. He just stood there, trying to regain his composure. I felt sick, shaking all over.

I knew Johnny was going to get me for this one.

Instead of reacting, he went, turned on the TV, turned off the light, and focused solely on the flickering little set.

I collapsed to face the inside of the musty couch, my arm throbbing and new bruises throbbing.

I fell asleep that way, not realizing how tired I was.

…

When I awoke, Johnny was still staring at the TV.

As I sat up, his gaze flickered to me for the barest of moments, and he mumbled, 'You snore.'

Suddenly, my stomach did a weird flip-flop, and I staggered over to a corner to vomit. I noticed I felt too-hot and my head hurt.

Since when could you get sick in hell?

Johnny didn't even notice. I wondered idly if I puked on him if it would make him stir, or he'd just be like 'Ah, I get splattered with bodily excrement every day.'

Probably would. Bitch.

I staggered over to my couch and collapsed onto it, mumbling to myself feverishly.

Johnny looked up a couple times before I passed out again, no emotions reflected in his eyes.

…

I drifted in and out of consciousness for that whole day. Johnny tried to force food into my mouth at one point, but I bit him and he left me well alone after that, returning to stare at the TV disconnectedly.

I threw up a couple more times in the corner, each time mostly dry heaves. My head hurt so much it felt like it would split in half.

That concluded Day 1 of my illness.

…

Day 2 of my illness was worse than Day 1. I threw up less, but felt worse. Johnny seemed slightly more concerned than the day before, which wasn't exactly gratifying as by 'slight,' I mean very, very slight. He looked up once an hour rather than once every two hours.

I wondered how he went so long without blinking. It was disturbing and entertaining to count how many minutes he went before he blinked.

Nothing else happened in Day 2. No force-feeding. Johnny's fingers looked sore from me biting them.

…

Day 3 was when I finally was better enough to do stuff besides staggering to my corner and throwing up. Johnny had apparently gotten sick of the room smelling like, well, sick, and cleaned it up.

When he noticed I was sitting, watching the TV, he put the sound on. It turned out he'd been sitting there for two days just listening to my snoring.

'Johnny?' I asked.

He grunted, his gaze unmoving.

'…Never mind.'

I got up to leave, but he looked up from the TV, and pointed to my couch.

'Sit.'

I sat.

Bored, I tapped my foot on the floor, which annoyed him. Had to stop that. Twiddled my thumbs. That annoyed him too.

'Can I have my sketching stuff?'

'No.'

'What am I supposed to do?'

'Sit there.'

I tried.

It worked. I spaced out.

…

I sat there, deep in thought, until I realized my slightly downward gaze had been directly on Johnny's ass would be located in the shadows for, say, an hour?

I hissed loudly and stared at the TV instead, where Johnny had been watching an old horror flick without sound. It was in black-and-white and looked like something I'd regard as utter garbage.

I mouthed song lyrics as I stared at the TV (rather than Johnny's ass) until Johnny looked up.

I met his gaze. 'What?'

'You were singing.'

'No, I wasn't.'

'I heard sound coming from you.'

'I was mouthing song lyrics. I wasn't singing.'

'You were singing 'Seven Days of Lonely.''

I reddened, and realized, I _had_ been singing. I hated singing in front of people- especially…

I dared not think _friends._ Johnny wasn't a _friend-_ he was something else. A companion? No, I was unwillingly with him…

I pondered this until he rolled over and faced the ceiling, his eyes closed. He wasn't asleep, I knew, since Johnny didn't like sleeping. Also, he wouldn't just leave me to my own devices like that when he was keeping watch on me.

I waited a while, and saw that he was completely relaxed in the flickering TV light. I lightly slid off the couch, watching to see if he moved.

He didn't.

I stepped around the coffee table to his side, and sat on it, watching him speculatively as he slept.

Nny wasn't exactly an enjoyable person to be near, but I liked him anyways.

I watched him sleeping peacefully. The dark circles under his eyes were far less defined. His hair fell limply onto his face and he breathed quietly, a soft rise and fall of his chest.

I was so tired of it all. Everything… Meaningless. The killing, the fighting, the punches always thrown.

I wasn't happy, I knew, but I wasn't just unhappy, or sad- I was _miserable._

I didn't entirely know exactly why. I would have been working meticulously to fix myself if I did.

I wanted to stop feeling sad. I wanted to stop hearing voices. I…

I wanted to _die._

Nny mumbled things in his sleep, using an unrecognizably soft voice. I smiled, and watched his fingers twitch ever so slightly as he dreamed.

Watching Johnny's sleep seemed to make things so much better. In comparison, what I had been through was nothing. He had far more to deal with than me. I shouldn't be whining.

I was taken by an irresistible urge to see what he felt like.

Tentatively, I took my hand from resting on my lap and uncertainly hovered it over his.

Slowly laying it down, I watched him carefully. Nothing. His eyelids fluttered slightly and he grumbled, but Nny remained asleep.

His skin was cold, and tightly stretched over his bones. He didn't have rough, calloused hands, but they weren't soft either. It held the feeling of being between adolescence and adulthood. My guess was that Johnny's age was nineteen to twenty-one.

He mumbled some more, and his jaw clenched. Fearful that he would wake, I jerked my hand away. I wondered what I had done wrong when he muttered, 'No.'

I placed my hand back on his and he relaxed. His mouth twisted into a small, wry smile.

His eyes opened, and I ripped my hand away again.

He smiled, looking at me.

'I wasn't sleeping.'

Nny got up, staring at me. 'Why… Why were you touching me?'

Fearing a beating, I turned away and whispered, 'I- I'm sorry. I… I didn't mean to!'

'Of course you meant to. Everything is done with some intent.'

I stiffened, waiting for the inevitable blows. Nothing happened.

Instead, Nny did something utterly unexpected.

He sat up, got up, crossed the room and turned on the stove, ignoring me completely. He wasn't angry. He wasn't upset. He didn't care at all.

I wondered why I wanted to touch him. I wasn't attracted to him whatsoever (that I knew of) but I was curious from the way he spent his days beating the shit out of people.

The light from the stove cast a curious orange glow on his pale face. He looked a little strange. Well, I mean, he _always_ looked strange. I mean, stranger than usual.

I stopped staring, and walked around the room, walking to sit in front of the blood-spattered wall.

It was interesting to me, rather than repulsive as I had seen it so many times.

'_Beautiful,'_ Noir commented.

Noir was one of the three voices in my head. One never spoke, but existed. The other was Zavé, the more animalistic part of me that sent pictures of violence through my head. Noir was my depression, constantly trying to get me to feed her by being miserable.

_(A/N: 'Noir' is 'black' in French, if you didn't know. It's pronounced 'Noh-wahr.')_

'Shut up,' I replied.

'_You can't expect me to not express a semblance of happiness when encountering such wondrous art.'_

'It's not art. It's the blood of the dead. Show some respect, you spiteful shadow.'

She was quiet.

I sat, staring at it until I couldn't anymore, paying attention to the shades of blood, the patterns.

Getting up, I could swear I heard a noise behind it. I turned around to see nothing.

I went to lie on the couch, feeling irritated and depressed.

Nny stepped over, with bowls of something that looked kind of like Mac N' Cheese.

'Thanks,' I muttered.

I dug in, eating halfheartedly. I was in deep thought and still not feeling so hot.

Then I burned my mouth and spat the food back into the bowl, sticking my tongue out and yelping .

Nny looked up from his bowl and choked, collapsing in a coughing/laughing fit.

I realized how stupid I must have looked and withdrew my tongue.

Johnny continued laughing, a strange sound to me. He'd never laughed except for when he was killing someone. It wasn't a warm, happy sound, no- more like a choking noise accompanied with much hissing and heavy inhaling.

He looked ridiculously different as he straightened up suddenly, regained his composure and began eating again like nothing had occurred.

Weird guy.

…

_Sorry, this chapter was a little slow and I'm losing some of the drive to work on this story… Eesh, I'm having issues lately, I may have to change schools due to my ex boyfriend harassing me constantly… Suicidally depressed yesterday and almost had to go to the hospital. Will keep trying, though._

_Jeezus, almost forgot. DUN DUN DUN- The first letter of Blood's name is..._

_K. It is.. K.  
_


	7. Chapter 7

About a week after the hand incident thing-

'You're so fucking annoying!' I growled. This was directed at Nny as he barged into my room for the sixth time, waking me up.

'I _told_ you we were leaving for a while today, and you decided to sleep. God, I hate that word. It's such a waste of time- sleep.'

'Wait- we're going out?'

'Yes. Pay more attention. It's pissing me off how much you space out. And, also, be more polite to me. Even if I have been a little less touchy recently, that doesn't mean I won't beat you senseless if I get annoyed.'

I sat up and saluted him. 'Yessir.'

He rolled his eyes and sighed, then left my room.

So, we were going somewhere, huh? I guess he thought I was capable of escaping now that I had memorized everything _and_ picked the lock to his closet.

I never really realized how disturbing Nny's 'die-aries' would be. Did you? Probably just me, then.

Anyways.

I got ready to leave, dragging the comb through my hair, swishing my mouth out with water and scrubbing emptily with a newly acquired toothbrush.

I tended to not shower. I'd usually just spray myself with disgusting amounts of the dead's perfume. Apparently Johnny kept that shit.

_(A/N: Hey, guys! Thanks for reviewing/subscribing. Got any guesses on Blood's real name? Anyways.. I actually made a Twitter account, under the name 'ZaveWolf.' Please follow me, if you want. It'd be great! Anyways, I'm wasting story space.)_

I pulled on my trench coat and shoes, then walked through the halls, looking for Johnny.

Wandering through the rooms, I didn't divert my gaze from the captives anymore. Their pain disturbed me still, yes. But I couldn't do anything about it.

'Help me!'

A scream to my left.

It was one of the captives. He was hog-tied, untouched by Johnny as of yet.

I crouched down and patted his sweaty head.

'Oh, I know, it hurts. Nny will end it sometime, you just have to wait. And here's a tip- swearing at him makes it more drawn out.'

I left the room after that, the incredulous gazes of every person in that vicinity on me. I almost laughed at their surprise.

I nonchalantly wondered if I was insane- I would _know_ if I was insane, wouldn't I? Or would I think I was just different?

I shrugged to myself. I was still the same besides the scars.

That's all that really matters, right?

Walking through the rooms, I had to kick various things out of my way, whether it was a dead body, a live captive, or one of the hundreds of Nny's torture instruments.

Noir made little comments as I walked through the rooms, but I was in a good mood that she couldn't penetrate, for once.

I finally arrived at the kitchen, where Nny was waiting, tapping his foot impatiently.

'So where exactly are we going?' I asked.

'I don't know. We need to go somewhere.'

'…Who told you this?'

'Nailbunny.'

Ah. His little voice told him.

'So we're just going to get into the car and go?'

'Pretty much.'

'When?'

'Now.'

…

So, I had insisted that we eat first, but we were in the car and Nny was driving. It was a shitty, shitty gray car. Of course bloodstains were everywhere in the damn thing- it never disturbed me at all anymore.

Now, if I saw a _butterfly,_ that would be something.

I snickered at my thought, and Johnny gave me a weird look.

We were on some long-ass, abandoned highway, with nothing but dried grass all around- you know, like you see in the movies.

I stared out the window, seeing nothing but grass and the dusky sky.

'Hey, Nny,' I said.

'What?'

'What month is it?'

'I don't know, I think it's August.'

I remembered it being around the beginning of February when I was first taken.

Seven months was a long time. I wondered if anyone had looked for me.

Probably not. My mother had died a long time ago- I think. I wasn't certain of much of my memory anymore. I'd found some weird things in my room that I didn't remember, like paintings made of blood.

My dad hadn't been caring, and I had no siblings, nor friends.

Somehow these thoughts didn't cause overwhelming despair. In fact, none of it really mattered. My single instinct nowadays was to follow Nny's commands and stay alive. Anything else took second place. Stuff like Lamar- I had stuck a feeding tube into him to ensure he stayed alive during my trip- was still important, but not as important as my life.

I curled up into the chair and went to sleep, deciding that annoying Nny wouldn't be a good idea.

…

_-Life-_

_Life is pain. Life is worth all that you can find in the eye of the beholder. To a depressed, angry person, it is nothing. To someone content, it is everything. Be thankful that you can see the colours, be thankful that it exists. Although it is worthless to someone like me, I know that the less intelligent see it as something complicated and full of mystery._

_Hold on to that delusion._

…

'_NO!'_

I woke up suddenly, saying loudly, 'What? What? What'd I do?'

Nny looked over at me from the road. We were in the middle of a dumpy downtown place with drug addicts looking like they'd been catapulted onto things. They were lying on trashcans, draped all over the street, and, of course, smoking drugs. It was night.

Nny ran over a couple and kept on going, and responded to my question after a few more moments.

'I didn't say anything. You were talking to yourself in your sleep.'

'Who yelled?'

'You.'

'Oh.'

I contented myself by staring out the window for a while.

More homeless druggies piled in the streets comically. It would have been funny if it wasn't so pathetic.

Suddenly, we pulled into a parking lot.

'Why are we stopping?' I asked.

'We're staying here for a couple days, until I get an idea of where we're supposed to go.'

''Kay.'

We both stepped out of the car and into the shittiest motel I'd ever seen in my life.

I wrinkled my nose in disgust at the smell of the city, and stepped into the lobby- big surprise! Another druggy, but less desperately poor.

'Give me a room.'

'First class is-'

'No, I want just a room.'

'It costs money.'

'I don't have any.'

'No money, no- _GAAHH!'_

Before the bum could finish his sentence, Nny had whipped out a knife, stabbed him through the chest and taken a key from the desk. 'Come on.'

We stepped into a hallway, walked down it, then went up a shitty elevator that set me on edge. It was shaking and shuddering like it would break any moment.

I hung onto the metal handles in it for dear life, Nny looking slightly alarmed as well, but not as obviously as me.

With a _ding_ that sounded like the angels singing, the doors squealed open and we stepped into a mildly less filthy hallway.

Nny read the key number. '…415.'

We walked down the hall. 401,402- We counted up from there.

When we arrived at 415, he clicked the lock and swung the door open. I almost gagged. This place was actually worse than Nny's house, somehow.

There was a shitty (ha, ha) bathroom, a musty bed, and a window that looked like it was covered in three inches of dust, with moth-eaten curtains.

I saw a cockroach and Nny picked it up by the antennae, cueing me to shudder in disgust.

'Ahh, Mr. Samsa, I see you chose to follow me all the way here. For your repugnant persistence, I'm afraid I must kill you again.'

With that, he squished it between his fingers.

He went to sit on the bed, and I just sat in a corner, feeling tired and quite disgusted. I was used to Nny's living conditions, thinking they were the worst it could get.

Well, maybe, after you get used to the blood everywhere and stuff, everything seems worse.

Nny stared into space, mumbling idly. I noticed another door in the shadows, and stepped through it.

Another room, with something like a kitchen in it. It had a stove, or something- It was too filthy to correctly distinguish it out from the flickering light.

I walked out of the kitchen-nasty-place-thing back into the main area. Nny turned his head to look at me, and said, 'You know, you can go outside- but if you don't return, I will find you.'

I nodded.

…

Out in the streets, it was shitty and smelly. I was pissed off, as bums tried to grab me from all directions to drag to a building and rape.

After the thing with Alec, someone without a gun was nothing.

A high guy smoking something that smelled like weed called to me, 'Hey, baby! C'mere for some fun!'

His other high buddies laughed. I flipped them off and kept walking.

I grew more and more annoyed as the druggies continued talking to me. I burst into the nearest 24/7 store, pacing up and down the isles angrily.

The male cashier was actually somewhat clean. 'Hating on the bums, huh?'

I looked up and nodded. 'Yeah.'

'Need something?'

'No, not really, I'm just looking, thanks.'

_And, I have no money,_ I thought. _I'm a bit of a klepto, so I'd just _take_ it. If Johnny can't get caught, that means I can't, since I'm with him practically 24/7._

I went to leave the store.

'Safe travels,' the guy said.

'Thanks. Hopefully you'll fly this coop soon enough.'

I stepped out into the unpleasant streets again.

I wanted to go to a bar and hang out, maybe meet some people, but that required money. You couldn't steal a drink, sadly, unless it were a liquor store, but hey- the times I drank were around other

Another homeless guy grabbed my ass as I was in thought, so I turned around and punched him in the face, knocking him out.

I checked his pockets, and he had about fifty dollars. Yummy. I could go get drunk and forget about how shitty this city was for a while.

So, I stood there for a while, contemplating, until I saw another guy approach me, staggering drunkenly and hiccupping as he laughed. I darted off into the shadows of the buildings, eventually walking out when the moon was high to look for a bar.

Of course, everything was crappy in that area, mostly abandoned.

I sighed, shoving my hands into my pockets as I wandered along the street. I really wanted to get drunk- forget everything for a little while. Who knew how long Nny would be dragging me along with him?

I finally found a dimly lit little shit shack, a few dejected patrons at the counters.

I sat on one of the stools.

An old guy with a beard cleaning glasses asked me, 'You need somethin', honey?'

I nodded. 'Strongest of whatever you got, please.'

'Five bucks.'

I handed him a five, and he handed me a shot of something.

I downed it quickly. It tasted like sour cat piss.

'Can I have five more?'

…

When I woke up, I was very, very hungover. My head pounded like hell, and I moaned, sitting up just in time to puke all over the pavement.

Come to think of it, where the hell _was_ I?

'Shit- _shit!_' I cursed. If I was lost, all hell would break loose as soon as I found Johnny again. He wouldn't believe that I was inebriated and got lost, if I took too long finding my way back.

Angry, I looked around. I was in some random alley, next to a Dumpster. No landmarks. I remembered vaguely being told to leave the bar because I was too drunk.

Trying to think made my head hurt. I stood up, and puked again. I felt absolutely shitty.

I stumbled my way down the alleyway, probably still looking drunk.

What was the motel name?

Well, I remembered Johnny killing the front office guy. Maybe they'd made note of it in the papers.

I saw the first homeless guy.

'Hey- Hey! Can I talk to you?'

'Blehh?'

'I have a question.'

This was greeted by a rambling of curse words and vulgar statements. I moved on. Talking to the bums would probably not help anything, except maybe throw me off course.

I wandered down the road, searching for familiar landmarks- nothing. Everything was different. It was just too dirty to tell one place from another.

I approached a less stoned looking bum.

'Hey.'

'Whaddayouwant?'

'Did anybody die at a motel recently?'

'Probably.'

'What does that mean?'

'Happens a lot.'

Ffuck.

…

I wandered about the streets, angry and confused for a good five hours, approaching multiple bums and getting mostly the same answers. I'd puked multiple times, and had to sit down from the throbbing headache and dizziness.

I collapsed into an alley for the sixth time. Nny was definitely pissed by now.

Fuck.

…

_Someone removed me from the subscription to this story… I am disappoint._

_Anyways… This is a load of horse shit, this chapter… Zzz, I really need to sleep. I'm tired._

_Got any more guesses on Blood's name?_


	8. Chapter 8

Someone grabbed me roughly by the scruff of my neck, and I yelped, shaken from my sleep in the dirty alleyway abruptly.

'_Get into the fucking car._'

I knew that voice. Oh, no. No, no, no, no…

I couldn't get into my seat fast enough, and was struck hard across the face, then thrown in.

I heard the door on Nny's side open and slam.

Looking over fearfully, I could see his infuriated expression. His jaw was clenched tightly, his knuckles white on the steering wheel as he floored the pedal.

I hunched over, my arms crossed tightly over my chest. My heart hammered, knowing what was coming.

…

We arrived back at the hotel, and I was ripped from my seat in the car. I followed his quickly-paced steps through the front doors, which he pushed open so hard the hinges broke.

He pressed the button to the elevator, and looked like he was about to shoot lasers from his eyes when it didn't arrive fast enough. He took this out on me, by kicking me in the shins. Steel-toed boots- very painful.

When the elevator arrived, I didn't move quickly enough for his taste, again, and was thrown in.

I got up off the floor painfully just as the door opened, and stumbled out quickly before Nny could hit me.

I practically ran down the hall after Nny as he made it to our room.

I stepped in after him and he slammed the door behind me, locking it.

'Sit on the bed,' he hissed.

I obeyed, hanging my head submissively and looking up at him.

He stepped behind me and cuffed my hands, then my legs.

I was thrown onto the floor, and he brandished a knife.

He made the first slash, and the first kick, out of hundreds.

'I _told_ you not try to escape.

'You'll learn your lesson, now.'

…

I lay, beaten, in the corner, where Nny had left me when he was done punishing me.

I spat blood out, barely able to summon enough strength for such a simple action.

_I screamed, 'I'm sorry! It was my fault! I got lost!'_

'_Lies! You're like the rest of them, filthy fucks with filthy mouths, spewing only shit!'_

_Another kick, and I screamed, earning a punch across the face and a deep stab from the knife into my leg. I sobbed, over and over, 'I'm sorry! I'm sorry, Nny! Forgive me! Please! I'm sorry!'_

_More stabbing. More kicking. More punches._

Flashbacks of the beating kept coming to my eyes. Nny would beat me for hours, torture me, then, just when I thought he was done, it would turn out he had been taking a break and it would start all over.

Nny was very familiar with the human anatomy, so there was no chance of me bleeding out. Utter agony was all that could occur until Nny tired of me.

Nny was busy cleaning the various things he had used to beat me. I didn't know where the hell he got the weapons he carried, but he had some really strange stuff.

A studded club, a mace, a whip- if I didn't know any better, I'd think he was someone with a strange fetish.

I coughed, a gargling dry heave that brought forth much blood from my emaciated body.

'Nny?' I whispered.

He looked up from his gory work.

'What?'

'Sorry.'

'Shut up.'

I did, and shivered on the cold floor.

I lay, silent, bleeding, for a few more minutes, then blacked out.

…

I woke up on the bed, tied down. Oh, how sexy.

Nny noticed my waking, and leaned over me.

'Why did you try to leave, after I told you not to, and warned you to the consequences?'

I couldn't talk loudly. 'I didn't try to leave. I was feeling down and got wasted.'

'You actually think I would believe something like that? Really, Blood, I thought you were above such common human lies.'

'I-it's the truth.'

Punch across the face.

'You will pay for these lies and your cowardly escape attempt.'

And so the second beating began.

…

I drifted between my savage thrashings in passing out, losing blood, and trying to convince Nny that my words were the truth.I was broken. Useless. My bones weren't snapped, but my spirit was.

Every time I woke up, it was hell- again, and again, and again.

Now I knew why the captives had cried for me to save them. I had laughed.

I had.. _Laughed._

Laughed at their pain… Their agony…

What if they had children? What if they had someone they loved to return to?

What if they were kids? Or infants? Innocent, pure, small beings, untainted. They didn't deserve that pain. Only the shit-infested beings who were older and foolish could deserve such pain.

I lay on the floor, hating myself, hating Nny.

Hating everything.

Nny noticed I was awake.

I was angry. I spat out some blood, then snarled, 'Yeah, I'm awake, tough guy! Come fucking beat me again! I dare you!'

He laughed. 'I remember when I first caught you, you were completely unresponsive. I assumed your difference was intelligence. It wasn't- it was lies. _LIES!_ Now, you're really showing your true colours!'

'That's what happens when you're being beaten constantly by a simple-minded _shit_ who can't see the truth!'

I lost count of the beatings after twenty-three. Sorry.

…

The next time I woke up, I wasn't beaten again. Nny was brooding, his head on his fist like a very non-muscly Michelangelo.

I could summon the strength to sit up and collapse against the wall.

My body screamed with fiery passion, and I swore at myself.

Nny's gaze flickered over to me.

'I… I…'

He stopped, shook his head, and went back to brooding. I was so _hungry._ I was _parched._

'Nny…' I choked out.

'What?'

'I really… I really need something to drink… And eat.'

He nodded, getting up without any anger to go to the kitchen and get something for me.

What the hell? He wasn't angry?

_It must be one of his moods,_ I thought. That was the only way it would make sense.

Soon, I smelled bacon, and heard it sizzling.

My inner instincts flared, and I got up, trying to stumble to the scent of food, until Nny stepped in carrying a plate and glass of milk.

His eyes widened. 'Whoa! What're you doing?'

_(A/N: If Nny seems OOC, I've been reading Invader Zim Zim/Tak fics for five hours. They were all very fluffy, and Nny may seem… Zimmish for a while.)_

He put the bacon and glass on the floor in time to rush forward and catch me, ignoring my cracking scabs, which were oozing blood.

'Food,' I groaned.

'Oh.'

He pushed me back into a standing position, and stood back to watch as I pitifully sat and tried to guide the food to my mouth.

My brain was disconnected, as I had lost a lot of blood, and no nutrition for the past… Really, really long time. A good two or three weeks. I remembered distantly Nny injecting me with stuff, so he probably gave me something to keep me alive.

Nny continued watching as I managed to bite off a small piece of bacon, chew it, and swallow, then drop it as I concentrated on the chew-and-swallow part.

'Do you… Need any help?'

'No… I'm fine.'

'Okay.'

I continued trying, and managed to completely swallow a slice of bacon.

I leaned backwards onto the bed's side, frustrated.

'Are you _sure_ you don't need any help?'

'Fuck, fine, go the hell ahead.'

He stepped over, and guided bacon strip after bacon strip to my mouth.

I felt weak and stupid, but the salty meat's scent overpowered my embarrassment.

I finished my bacon, and he stepped away again.

I tried to pick up the milk, succeeding and bringing it to my lips.

They were dry and cracked. I tried to take a sip, getting some of the milk in my mouth and most leaking down my chin.

I wiped myself off irritably, and Nny stepped over to assist me again.

He tilted my chin up and almost expertly poured the life-giving liquid into my mouth slowly.

'…Thanks,' I muttered, grudgingly, when I finished.

'No problem,' he replied.

'I have a question, Nny,' I began.

'What?'

'Why… Why aren't you beating me again?'

'I decided…

'I believe you.'

I gave him a small smile. 'I was hoping you'd come through eventually.'

'Yes. I was being quite the… Stereotypical human, wasn't I? A shortsighted shit that won't see past his own ideas…'

'Yeah, pretty much.'

He laughed at my straightforward answer. I managed to force some sort of strangled noise of mirth from my lungs.

I tried to stand, and almost fell forward again.

Nny grabbed me before I fell, again.

'Stop doing that.'

'Okay.'

He placed me on the bed. I sat there until Nny said suddenly, 'We're changing places- I'm sick of this fucking motel.'

I nodded in agreement. 'When are we leaving?'

'Tomorrow.'

'Are we going anyplace certain this time?'

'We're not going somewhere that is as shitty as this place, that's for sure.'

I looked around. '…Hey, was there always a TV in here?'

'I dunno.'

I looked back to last chapter, and replied, 'No. I guess Sam got really annoyed and needed a filler.'

I then flipped the sky off, which boomed, '_Hey!_ _Fuck you, too!'_

…

Nny and I had both been confused out by the bizarre sky-voice, so we turned to the TV and watched it for a while. Did you know some retard has a TV show which is an angry, ugly monkey staring at a camera for hours?

I got up, looking away from the TV, and said, 'I'm gonna make some soup.'

Nny looked over to me and nodded, then continued watching the monkey.

I stepped precariously into the ugly, nasty little kitchen and picked up a can of tomato soup.

I went to open it, using Nny's can opener. It was difficult to concentrate on staying on my feet and opening the can at the same time.

The lid, however, had not popped up. I wrestled with it, and managed to pull it up.

But my left hand slipped, and cut the webbing of my finger between my middle and index finger. Not a little cut, a very, very, very large cut that hurt more than most of what Nny had done.

I gritted my teeth, and punched the wall with my right hand, which went straight through.

I heard a hissing noise from the other room, which was probably Johnny.

He stepped through the doorway to see me frantically attempting to find something for covering my wound.

'Fuck it, Blood! What'd you do _now! ?_'

I looked over at him. 'Oh, yeah, because I cut myself on soup cans for fun,' I replied sarcastically.

'I remember the time that you _did._'

'It was a _knife._ Big difference.'

He grumbled, 'C'mere.'

I followed unsteadily. I still wasn't very good on my feet.

He walked into the bathroom, and I followed.

I watched him pull out a needle and thread.

'No. You're not touching me with that, Nny.'

'Why not?'

'Are you fucking kidding me? It's been two weeks and you've beaten me every time I was conscious for a couple hours, except for now.'

'Do you want that to _continue?_'

'No.'

'Then shut the fuck up and let me do this.'

I sat on the floor, next to him. With this, he picked up the bottle of rubbing alcohol and poured it on.

I shrieked in pain. The initial pain I thought had been bad. Compared to this, that was nothing, a mere little tickle.

'I'm _sorry,_ okay! ? Quit screaming like a little girl!'

I clapped my good hand (my right one, for the stupid ones with bad memories) over my mouth to stifle my noise.

He picked up the needle and thread, causing fear to run through me.

'Do you really need to stitch it?'

'Yes. The cut is too deep to heal on its own. Do you need me to strap you down, or will you comply?'

'I'll try and stay still, I suppose.'

With that, he grabbed my hand and began the first stitch. It wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be, but I really disliked the feeling of the thread in my skin.

Zavé mumbled, '_He's making you uncomfortable. Attack him. Rend his filthy body, for using you like a child's plaything.'_

'Shut up,' I mumbled to my voice.

'What?' It was Nny. I ignored him.

'_He beat you incessantly, without reasoning, merely his selfish delights. He must _pay!'

'Zavé, I swear to _God…_'

(_A/N: _Zavé _is pronounced ZAH-VAY, not ZHAVE. Just clearing that up, because I HATE it when people can't say it correctly.)_

The final stitch was done, and I got up, Zavé's words resounding in my head.

I turned to Nny.

'You enjoy… My pain.'

'What?'

'You like seeing me scream. Watching me bleed.' I motioned to the floor, where my blood had collected. 'You want to see me bleed. You take your _sick_ pleasures in my _agony._'

'I apologized for hurting you, didn't I?'

I snarled, 'What about the _scars! ?_ I'll have these on me for _life!_ Every day, every night, every time I see my reflection in a window, I'll be reminded of your abuse!'

Suddenly, he got up, sighed, and did something totally unexpected.

He gave me a little hug.

It wasn't like, a big bear hug, just a little hug. The first hug I'd gotten in… _years._

A tiny little hug, so insignificant, yet from Johnny, it was infinitely important. Johnny didn't _hug._ He killed, beat, and laughed at you.

I stood there, stock-still, shocked, when he left the bathroom, punching the wall angrily on the way out.

…

_(A/N: Was that too fluffy? I don't know, I just kept getting this story vibe that Nny should give a small, insignificant apology that meant a lot to Blood. And OH MY GODDDD! This story has SEVENTEEN reviews!_

_;_; Seriously. Thanks, so, sooo much._

**Kawaii miku 13: Yes, you get many hugs from Nny and Blood. You're the Mac to my Cheese, too! :heart: (and so is everyone else!)**

**Prisoner of Pain: Thanks for the messages and tips! ^_^**

**D.G. Blackwolf: I like your name. It has 'wolf' in it. And thanks for reviewing and staying loyal to the story!**

**(ANON) : Thanks for reviewing, whoever you are. O3o**

**Ley the Homicidal Maniac: Sorry, none of those names were right. Since everyone reviewed: here's another letter: K-I.**

**Sugar Caki: Thanks! I was hoping Nny's interactions with Blood seemed well-polished… (even though I hardly edit these things, I type 'em out, read them over, then slap them on the site)**

**Invaderrusty221: Thanks for the review! And thanks for sending this to your friends! Did you know that this story has over FOUR HUNDRED hits? This is easily my most popular story, and it has the smallest word-count per chapter!**

**TheBrokenChild: Did you know that after reading your review and touching message, that I wrote Blood raging at Nny for you? ****J Hope you enjoyed it!**

_Anyways… Thanks for reviewing… What'd you think of the chapter and fluff?_

_Sam, out!)_


	9. Chapter 9

Walking down the hall, me and Nny were having some lovely conversation.

'Wow, this place actually_ is_ less amazingly shitty. Good job, Nny.'

'Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just don't _bleed_ everywhere in this place.'

'That was your fucking fault.'

We argued back and forth, until we unlocked the door to our room.

There was two beds, rather than one, this time. I could actually sleep comfortably. Yippee.

I went to sit on my bed, staring at the hand that I'd cut on a soup can. The wound was rather ugly, but healing somewhat. Nny's crappy stitch job had made it look kind of screwed up. The sewing wasn't very even, and would probably create a raggedy scar once it was fully healed.

Nny went to sit on his bed.

'Hey, Blood.'

'Yeah?'

'What do you think of humanity now?'

'I still hate it. I hate it even more, if that's possible.'

'I thought you'd like it more, considering the nicer ones could help you escape.'

'There's always diamonds in the rough, but think about it- a tiny sliver of diamond in millions, nay, _billions_ of tons of dirt.'

'Did you really just say 'nay?''

'Yeah.'

'…Well, what do you think of what I do?'

Weird question.

'I think it's… Evil, somehow, but good in another. You kill the bad people, the evil ones- except for when you're being a lazy shit. Then, you just grab a random fool meandering along the streets.'

'Yeah. Since Edgar, I don't like doing that any more.'

I didn't know who Edgar was, but I didn't ask.

'What do you think of this trip?'

'It's sucked.'

'I don't mean how it's been, where you think we should go. I don't know where we're going.'

He crossed the room from his bed and knocked on my forehead.

'I _know_ you're in there. Tell her where to _go._'

I slapped his hand away, and snapped, 'What are you _doing! ?'_

'Whenever you're asleep, it talks. It talks through you, and says things.'

'Like what?'

'Oh, lots of things- begging me to stop hurting you, because you're its vessel. It tries to tell me where to go, and talks about blood. Always blood, yes- no, not _you, _Blood.'

I nodded. 'I talk in my sleep. I don't actually have an evil-'

He grabbed me by the shirt front, and shook me wildly. '_No! _You know you can't control it!'

Nny was getting rather manic.

Suddenly, the phone rang, and Nny threw me to the bed in shock. (He has weird reflexes. Don't ask me.)

'Someone's phoning? What? Nobody phones. Never. Wrong numbers don't even happen.'

He picked it up.

'…Helloooooo?'

Silence. I heard a small voice in the phone.

'Okay.'

More voice.

'Yeah, sure, whatever.'

More chit-chat.

'I haven't got all fucking day. Come on.'

The voice sounded more fevered and angry now.

I left to sit in the bathroom before it became full-blown yelling.

…

Fifteen minutes later, the yelling stopped, and Nny opened the bathroom door, looking tired and cross.

'Inspection thing… People are looking for you.'

'Eh?'

'The authorities are looking around to find you. _Apparently,_ somebody recognized you as a missing person, alerted the police, and now they're searching this whole fuckin' city.'

'Oh. That's… Nice?'

He raised an incredulous eyebrow.

'No freaking out? No kicking me in the pips and running?'

I couldn't respond. I simply didn't really want to leave. It was odd.

'I think I'm insane.'

That was the only answer my brilliant mind could conjure.

'That's irrelevant.'

'I mean, I'm insane because… I don't really care about leaving anymore.'

'…What?'

I shrugged.

This greeted an awkward silence, until a knock on the door made us both jump.

Nny shot me a look. 'Stay here,' he growled, and went to answer the door.

I heard the squeak of the main door opening, and some conversation.

Arguing, after that.

'I don't want you searching my room!'

'Why not?'

'I am a citizen and have my rights to privacy!'

'Sir, we will have to restrain you if you do not compose yourself. You will be charged with failure to comply to authority.'

Nny growled quite audibly.

I heard footsteps, and the bathroom door opened.

A black police man turned, saying 'She's-

'AGGHHCHK!'

He fell forward, a knife sticking out of his back.

The next policeman was soon thrown in as well, still alive. He had brown hair and yellowy-brown eyes. That's all I remember until Nny put masking tape over his face and ripped his intestines out.

I watched him, until he turned and snapped, '_What're you looking at? Huh?'_

'I'm… Watching.'

'Yes, because I'm so _fascinating. _What, you want this to happen to you?'

'No, not entirely.'

'Go somewhere else, then.'

'Okay, then?'

So, with that, I went and sat on my bed, then lay back and stretched.

The policeman's muffled screams were disturbing my relaxation. How annoying.

'_Is this really what you've degraded into? Listening to a doomed man scream in agony?' _Noir sneered. '_I thought you told yourself that you were better than that.'_

'Shut up,' I sighed to my inner voice.

'_You know I'm right.'_

'Go away.'

For once, I couldn't throw her into her mental prison.

'_You're sick. Tainted. You're stained with blood only you can see. You are pathetic and weak, dissolving further and further into mental collapse.'_

'Is this really what I'm destined to be?'

Zavé interrupted. '_No. Noir wants you to think that way. Sure, you're probably insane, but you're still a good person. You just know better than to interrupt Johnny.'_

'Am I really insane? Shouldn't I know I'm insane?'

Noir hissed. '_Yes! You're insane! The filthy wolf creature lies! Only I know the truth. '_

'But… I don't _feel_ insane.'

'_You aren't if you don't feel that way,'_ Zavé replied.

'_Yes, you are! Filthy, lying beast!'_

I heard the two scrapping in my head until I sat up, screeching, '_Shut up!'_

They were quiet.

Nny came into the room, covered in blood and carrying a saw. I didn't know where it came from and I didn't want to know.

Blood dripped from his hand that wasn't holding the saw onto the carpet.

'Nny, you may want to clean your mess.'

'Why were you yelling?'

'It was the…' I tried to think of something his disturbed mind could grasp. 'The sleep voice. It was talking.'

'_Huh?'_

He went to grab me and I hissed, 'Hey! I like this shirt! Wash your damn hands, you filthy slob!'

Nny stopped in his tracks, surprised. 'Quit being so rude, Blood, otherwise you're going to end up like the fucks in the other room.'

He grabbed my shirt front, to my displeasure, and was almost nose to nose with me.

'I know you're in there. Why are you talking so much? And why to me?'

I didn't know what he was talking about.

Suddenly, Noir replied, '_Fuck you, you mindless shit. I know you're out there. You're destroying my host!'_

I echoed, 'Noir says, 'fuck you, you mindless shit, I know you're out there, and you're destroying my host.''

He smiled. 'What're you gonna do about it, _Noir?'_

'Nothing.'

'So why are you within Blood?'

'Technically, I'm not. She was _born_ with my existence. I'm simply her less desirable traits grouped into one dark voice.'

'So you're her pain?'

'I'm everything bad that's within her. You have something like me, the Doughboys, I believe, except the voices are split in two.'

I stopped echoing Noir. 'Nny-'

'What?'

'You're hurting me.'

He let go of my shirt, which had been lifting me off the ground and hurting the back of my neck.

Noir hissed. '_I want to talk to him!'_

'Shut up.'

'What?'

'Noir, not you.'

The whole encounter with my evil voice was leaving me more and more tired by the moment. During particularly emotional and irritating clashes like this, it left me physically tired.

That, and, my sleeping pattern was fucked.

'I'm going to sleep, Nny,' I said.

'I want to talk to Noir.'

'She doesn't want to talk right now.'

'_Well,_ I could make her talk.'

I lied quickly, 'She can't because I'm tired.'

I could almost feel her angry blows. _'Tell him what I'm saying! You're worthless! Stupid! You don't know anything!'_

I lay on the bed, covering my head with a pillow. I could feel Nny's stare, but ignored it.

I fell asleep eventually.

…

'_She's fascinating. You know you enjoy her company- If you killed her, you'd have her in eternity once you eradicate yourself.'_

'You're annoying, Mr. Fuck.'

I could feel my hands twitching. It happened a lot around Blood. I knew she had an _evil_ thing inside her, and I loved the thought of seeing her lifeless-

No.

No, I couldn't do that. She was nice to have around. She made me food. She talked to me.

She made me smile for the first time since I'd first started killing.

Nobody did that. Nobody had ever made me smile for real.

Nobody made me laugh, nobody made me cry, nobody made me _think_ besides killing.

She was asleep. Her voice was in her. I didn't like it- it wasn't like Mr. Fuck and D-boy. I wasn't sure how it was different, it just was.

I returned to the policemen, and grinned.

The blood was disgusting, yet fascinating to me. I didn't really like it, though. I just… Thought it was interesting, really.

I completed sawing the dead men's limbs off, and double-bagged them in black trash bags. I would dispose of them later.

Mopping the blood up, I whistled a merry tune.

Until, of course, Mr. Fuck interrupted.

'_Why don't you just kill yourself?'_

I sighed. Unbeknownst to Blood, the Doughboys still talked to me even though I had left them behind. I couldn't stand it. I hoped that by leaving, I could reach someplace where they were 'out of range,' in a sense.

Blood knew none of this, of course. Otherwise she might guess where I was going.

I didn't _know_ exactly where I was on my way to, I just kept jumping from city to city.

I wondered, idly, why I'd hugged Blood. Why would I do that? What was the point?

I guessed I just wondered what it felt like. I'd never hugged anyone before, and Blood didn't seem to be one to slap me away and scream like I'd seen in crowds.

I went to lie on my bed, feeling exhausted. I hated sleeping. Detested it. It was such a waste of time, sleep. Pathetic humans spent half their lives sleeping.

I sighed, rubbing the bridge of my nose. I was bored of this hotel already.

Getting up, I went to turn the TV on.

I stared at it for a long, long, time, unblinking.

…

When I woke up, Nny was staring at the TV again.

'Don't you have any hobbies?' I mumbled, rubbing my eyes.

He looked over to me. 'Yes.'

'Besides mutilating people as horribly as you can.'

'No, not really.'

'Didn't you used to draw?'

'…'

'Didn't you?'

'I gave up on that an extensive time ago.'

'Why?'

With this, he got up, and growled at me. 'I don't know, and I'm not sure I want to. '

I sighed and sat up, patting my hair back into place.

'Oh, yeah, we're changing places again.'

'Already? We've only been here for a day.'

'I know, but the people will probably get suspicious about the policemen anyways.'

I nodded. 'Yeah, probably, I guess.'

'I have to dispose of these fucks first, then we'll be going.'

'How are you going to 'dispose' of them, as you phrase it?'

'Window.'

'Are you fucking kidding me?'

'No.'

I watched him drag the three bags, one by one, across the floor. He shoved them out the window with an audible grunt.

'Thank God it's night and you're wearing gloves,' I mused.

'Are you kidding me? I've killed lots of people in public. Nobody notices- anyways, it's time to go.'

He went to leave our room, and walked down the hall.

I followed him.

We stepped into an elevator, much less rickety than the old one. He seemed to be in a good mood, and relaxed.

The elevator opened, and he slinked out. I tailed him as the doors to the hotel opened.

We were in the parking lot now, the moon lighting the ground ever so slightly- just enough to see. I saw the bags, a little ripped. Some blood was escaping them and leaking down the walk.

I stepped tentatively over the trail of blood and continued following Nny to the car.

He unlocked the door, I got in, and we drove off.

'Hey, do you have a Matchbox 20 CD?'

'Yeah.'

'Can we listen to it?'

'Sure, whatever.'

…

_(Yeeppp, this chapter took a while. I know. Bleh, bleh, bleh… _

**TheBrokenChild: Sorry, I'm not becoming a vegetarian… Aand, you are definitely a disturbed individual. I LIKE IT.**

**Kawaii Miku 13: How can you be too lazy to log in? It takes, like, 15 seconds. Anyways, you're the BLOOD ON MY PANCAKES! Beat that.**

**Ley the Homicidal Maniac: Kristopher is K-R, not K-I. And here's another letter, 'coz I feel like it: K-I-E.**

_Nobody else reviewed, so I has nothing to say.)_


	10. Chapter 10

'_Nny! Wake up, you fucking idiot!'_

I shook him awake for the fourth time.

'Fuck!' he yelped upon waking.

'You fell asleep again. Do you want to pull over?'

'No, I'm fine.'

I could see he was annoyed at his lack of consciousness control.

'You really should pull over. We could crash.'

'I won't fall asleep again.'

'Are you sure?'

'Yes.'

The CD player suddenly blasted _Unwell_ by Matchbox 20, surprising the shit out of both of us. I shut it off.

His eyelids drooped.

'Are you sleeping, are you sleeping, brother Nny?' I sang.

'Shut up!' he snapped.

'Do you want me to drive?' I offered.

'No.'

I stared straight ahead. We were on another one of those highways, where it seems endless except for the occasional lonely car passing us.

I looked over at Nny, who looked very tired, but not quite falling asleep.

'C'mon, Nny, you're tired. Go to sleep.'

'I don't want to.'

'When did you last sleep, anyways?'

'A couple days ago, for a few hours. You were sleeping, so you didn't know.'

I had an idea, all of a sudden. 'Hey, Nny.'

'Yes?'

'You know how you always ask me questions?'

'Yes.'

'Can I ask you some?'

'Like what?'

I thought. 'Why do you hate humanity?'

'Hmm,' he mumbled.

Then he seemed to remember. 'The fucks that poison everything. They live only to save their own lives, worthless day after day. Things like money- paper and coins. What gives it value? The sole belief of those foolish people, obsessed with their realities.

'In essence, they all just want to believe they are more special than everyone else in one way or another. In truth, we're all the same save our appearances. Goths are under the impression they are more extraordinary than the rest of the human race because they mimic each other in the hundreds, thousands, possibly hundred thousands, for a fake love of darkness. Actors and actresses think they are special because they get to be on a TV.

But a TV is special why? It is merely wires and projectors. A contraption of mankind that has no use except for entertaining the useless shits that stain everything in our world.'

It had been a long answer.

I sat, contemplating it for a moment, until Nny inquired, 'No more questions?'

'I have more. I'm just a little brain dead right now. Car rides tend to do that to me.'

'Well, I think a gas station is coming up. I can get an energy drink there.'

I nodded, and curled my knees up onto the seat, lying back a bit. The clock read 11:41 PM.

'Are you tired?'

I nodded. 'Mm-hmm. Somewhat. It seems like your sleeping opinion has infected me, though. I don't try to sleep when I'm bored anymore. I don't like it much at all.'

'It appears I infected you with an indifference to the sight of gore, as well.'

'Yeah, definitely.'

I saw the light of a gas station appear on the lonely highway.

Johnny pulled into one of the booths, and stepped out.

'You want anything?' he asked.

'No thanks,' I replied. I wasn't feeling so hot. Probably lack of sleep.

With that, he closed the door and skulked into the store.

I sat back, and closed my eyes, revelling in the silence. It was almost like a security blanket, knowing I could hear anyone and anything that came near me.

Suddenly, a choking feeling encompassed me, and I spasmed. What the hell?

I opened the car door and puked onto the pavement.

Fuck. I was sick again. I _hated _throwing up. It was disgusting. Vile. I'd rather slit my throat than make myself throw up.

I remembered, idly, the time before Nny and I had left the house. I'd been sick, throwing up, but too tired to recognize the feeling.

At the moment, I was wide awake and feeling spectacularly shitty.

I saw Nny's silhouette on the driver's side of the car, and it opened.

'Nice puke,' he said. 'What happened?'

'Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention. I'm bulimic.'

'Somehow, I don't believe you.'

'How very observant.'

He gave me an amused little smirk. 'So, what actually happened?'

'I think I just ate something bad. I feel better now.'

'Well, thanks for not splattering my car. If you think you have to blow chunks again, please kindly inform me.'

'Will do.'

He got into the car. 'Oh, yeah. I got you an energy drink and some chocolate- since I know you like that stuff- but I think you don't want it right now.'

I made a noise of disgust. 'Definitely not.'

Humming softly, my mood was kind of happy as the car started up. It was weird- I just wished the night wouldn't end, so that I wouldn't get into a bad mood. Drive forever, purely content.

A yawn interrupted my contentment. My stomach was hurting less now. I had probably just eaten or drank something I shouldn't have.

'Well, you're happy,' Nny remarked.

'Yes, actually,' I replied. 'I'm just in a strangely good mood right now. Please do try to avoid ruining it by, I don't know, brutally mutilating a kitten.'

'I wouldn't brutally mutilate a kitten more than I'd ruin your good mood. It's infectious.'

So, with that, Nny and I passed the time by singing '99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall.'

…

The song was finished. It took an hour, and a few laughing fits when I made a fake British accent or started singing like a girly-girl.

We were passing through some random town. It was nice.

'Hey, Nny, why don't we go someplace besides a hotel?'

'Why?'

'I don't know. I think the pompous fools preening themselves consistently in our presence when we walk down the halls is getting a little boring.'

'Yes, it is quite funny, isn't it?'

'They're all like, 'Oh, they wear black and are thin. That must mean they're stupid or gay!''

'Common leaps of logic in our society. Quite pathetic, every time.'

I laughed. 'I hate humanity, but love how much they amuse me sometimes.'

'Anyways, where are you suggesting we go besides a hotel?'

'I don't know. How about a _motel?_ That'll really mix everything up.'

_(A/N: I actually had to look up the difference between a hotel and a motel. Apparently, a hotel just has indoor corridors that you have to use to enter your room, where a motel does not. That's it, and a letter. Hmm.)_

'Sure, whatever. I just want to get someplace before you puke all over my car.'

'It's not going to happen. I feel fine now.'

We pulled up to a place, and walked up to the front desk and took a key. The desk clerk guy was asleep.

Nny and I went up the elevator, and into our room.

Suddenly, Johnny looked annoyed.

'What?' I asked.

'I don't feel like being indoors right now. I'm too awake.'

I shrugged.

'I'm going to go for a walk. Do you want to come?'

'Sure,' I replied.

It was funny, we'd barely been in the room for five seconds.

I felt much better after my modest vomit expedition. My head was more organized, so I could think with a lot more clarity.

As I stepped into the warm summer night air, a feeling of coldness within me brushed lightly through my system. I was feeling… unemotional. Blank.

_(A/N: My dog, Sierra, is dying. She has to be put down… She has cancer and a type of spine arthritis. She's in a lot of pain, and will only last a couple months without euthanasia. In honour of her… Well, you'll see.) _

Nny walked beside me, looking thoughtfully at me.

'What?' I asked tiredly.

'What's your real name?'

The question had taken me completely off guard, and I stopped. 'Come again?'

'What is your real name?'

'I thought I told you that I hated it.'

'You did. I'm curious.'

I grumbled. 'You have to tell me your last name if you want my real name.'

'My last name was the source of much discrimination when I was a child. I'm not telling you.'

'I'm not telling you my name, then.'

I started walking again, and he fell in line beside me.

A silence followed, until he reluctantly said something.

'What'd you say? I didn't hear,' I replied.

'If you tell me your full name, I'll tell you mine.'

'My first name starts with K,' I ventured.

'I'm not guessing.'

'Come on.'

'Katrina, Kathy, Kailey, Katy, Kaitlin-'

'Nein. Okay, let's try K-I.'

'Kimberly, Kiley, Kit, Kirsten, Kathy, Kitty, Kiki, Kristopher?'

'Kristopher is K-R… Anyways, nope. K-I-E.'

'Kite, Kiefer, Kiele, Kiersten, Kieran…'

'Nope.'

'I don't have anything else.'

'I'm…'

Reluctantly, I mumbled, 'Kiera.'

'Kiera?'

'Yes.'

'That's a nice name.'

'No, it's not. It's like a fucking dog. And it also means 'Dark Lady.''

'Kiera is a pleasant name. So, what's your last name?'

'My last name is Artemus. It means 'of the moon.''

'Dark lady of the moon?'

'Yeah.'

'Why'd your parents name you like that?'

'Because I always was a bit of a weird kid. I didn't cry as a baby, and always tended to gravitate towards darker things. The funny thing is, my nickname actually used to be Blood, as I liked blood, a lot.

'So… What's your last name, Nny?'

'Chogan.'

'What's wrong with that?'

'The meaning is 'black bird.' I had black, messy hair as a kid, just like now. People couldn't get enough of messing with it. And 'Johnny' means that God is gracious. Since I don't believe in that shit, the Christian fucks would constantly tell me I was ungrateful and was going to hell.'

'You're Johnny Chogan,' I began, and he replied, 'You're Kiera Artemus.'

We kept on walking, until I realized it the ground wasn't very silvery anymore. I looked up, and couldn't see the moon or the stars.

Then the first fat raindrop hit me in the face, and I sputtered.

Johnny laughed at my expression, and we started running as the drizzle turned into a downpour.

He slipped, and I grabbed his shirt collar on instinct and pulled him back to his feet, surprising both him and myself.

'Thanks,' he sputtered.

'No problem,' I responded.

We came up on a park, where a lone bench was with an umbrella structure over top of it.

Nny and I quickly dove in, my teeth chattering and I shivered uncomfortably. Johnny being Johnny, he just sat there, wringing his shirt front out.

Suddenly, I heard a noise, like a squealing cry.

'What was that?' I asked Johnny.

'I don't know. It sounded like a feral cat or something.'

I got up, looking for the source of the sound. It was almost pitch black, and impossible to see more than a few feet ahead.

Suddenly, I saw a little yellowish blob on the pavement in front of me.

'Hey- Nny, I found something.'

'What?'

'One second.'

I picked the little blob up, and felt wet fur. I walked back over to the umbrella structure, carrying the furry thing.

In the flickering light of the structure, I could see a little puppy nose, eyes, and four paws.

The dog's eyes opened, and it let out a little howl of misery.

'What the hell?' Johnny said.

I noticed a red bandana around its neck, with a little square of paper sticking out. I pulled it out and read it.

_This is Sierra,_ the note read._ We can't deal with her and couldn't find her a place to stay. Please keep her and give her a good home._

_Sincerely, the Karriella family_.

'They left a dog to wander in the pouring rain?' I gasped in disbelief.

'Apparently. God, why couldn't they just drop it off at a shelter?'

The little puppy let out a squeal of despair again, and I hugged it close.

'Hush, baby,' I whispered to the bundle of wet fur.

Johnny was watching me with interest. 'What are you going to do with it?'

'Well.. I guess I could keep it.'

'Without consulting the man of the house?'

'You're hardly the _man of the house._ You let me do whatever the hell I want besides going outside.'

The little animal whimpered again. 'Come on, Nny. You like animals, don't you?'

'I'm allergic to cats.'

'Well, you like dogs?'

'I used a dead one as a pillow once.'

'Nny-'

'Fine, fine, keep the damn dog, but it better not come any-fucking-where near me, or else I'll mutilate it.'

I nodded, rubbing the little creature's head.

'Are you a boy or a girl?' I mused.

I quickly checked, and announced, 'We have a female on our hands.'

Johnny muttered, 'Whatever. Let's go back.'

I nodded, bundling the little creature into my jacketless arms as best I could.

_I really should have worn a fucking coat,_ I scolded myself.

Zavé loved the animal baby. '_It's a puppy! How sweet!'_

Noir was disgusted. '_What the hell are you doing? Put it back!'_

I ignored both of them. This little animal already had me wrapped around her tiny paw.

She let out a little whimper, and I cooed to her. Johnny was giving me strange looks.

'I never knew you had a motherly side.'

'I don't.'

'Explain this, then.'

'I like puppies.'

'Most people don't pick a random puppy off the street and decide to keep it. They dump it somewhere else.'

'I'm not most people.'

'True.'

He sighed. 'Here, I'll hold it-'

'Her.'

'Her… I have a jacket.'

With an expression like sour milk, he placed the furry bundle into his jacket and hugged it for warmth.

Sierra's head popped out, watching me with an intelligent light.

'I think she likes me,' I commented.

'Whatever,' he grumbled. I didn't think he liked the dog much.

Well, he'd have to deal with it. I loved her already.

…

_Rest in peace, Sierra, stand strong, light soul. I love you, and so does the rest of the family… We'll always remember you, and someday when I die, I know you're going to be there waiting for me._

**Kawaii miku 13: You're the fur to my Sierra. ;_;**

**D.G. BlackWolf: It's okay that your comments were late, as long as you comment, I don't really mind. Reviews give me a happy feeling.**

**SoraHarukey: Welcome, new person to the story. I'd have ended that with an exclamation mark, but I feel like killing myself right now.**

_I think I'll go drown in misery now… I actually had to look up baby names to get Kiera's last name and Johnny's last name._

_The meanings of the names are the real meanings- I looked it up._


	11. Chapter 11

Sierra yipped, and I shushed her quickly. Picking her up, I giggled and whispered, 'Hush, little one. Johnny doesn't like it when you make noise.'

She nuzzled me and wiggled out of my arms, running around the hotel room. The second Johnny and I had made it back, I'd dried her off. She was a very energetic dog. A Golden Retriever, I guessed, judging by her build and coat. I think that she was about three months old, just weaned from her mother.

Johnny was annoyed with me for keeping the dog, but nothing like homicidal rage. Just irritation.

I sighed, and leaned back. Sierra sensed my distress and snuggled up into my lap. I petted her absentmindedly. I was tired.

My mind kept slithering in circles. I couldn't think any comprehensible words, except, _I want to go home._

I wanted to go home and lay there, with Sierra, and not have to think about anything anymore.

'Nny?' I said.

'Yes?' was his reply. He was absorbed in the TV again.

'You don't know where we're going, right?'

'Correct.'

'Do you want a suggestion of where to go?'

'If you have any place that is a good idea, then go for it. As long as it's not a garbage dump or something.'

'I want to go to my old apartment.'

Silence.

'…Nny?' I reluctantly asked.

'I don't know if that would be a good idea. You could try to escape.' I knew there was something else.

'I won't. I promise,' I tacked on fiercely.

'I don't know.'

'Please?'

'I'm not sure about this, Blood.'

I didn't correct his use of my nickname.

'Nny, you left to escape. My house is quiet, no people bugging you, my neighbours are silent, except for maybe when they drop something.'

He gave me a withering look. 'Fuck it… Fine. I'm getting tired of having to kill people for a place to stay, anyways.'

'When are we going?'

'Now, I suppose. Make sure your rodent goes to the bathroom.'

'She's not a rodent. She's a dog. Probably a purebred Golden Retriever, at that.'

'Oh, so she's a blueblood?'

'I don't know.'

'Did you know the so-called blueblood humans are usually the nasty ones?'

_(A/N: Brb. I have to go kill my dog…)_

_(A/N: Sierra Karjala: One month from being 13 years old, she had to be put down. She was the best, sweetest, most amazing Golden Retriever ever to live. She mothered 13 puppies, and had to be put down due to circumstances from lymphoma and cancer. She left us at about 4:50 PM on Sunday, January 30th__, 2011. She'll always be in our hearts. We love you._

_Sweet dreams, baby girl.)_

'Yes, I'm aware of that,' I replied to Nny.

Sierra nudged me, suddenly.

'I love you too, baby girl,' I said to the little dog, smiling, petting her small head.

I took her to the bathroom area and put down newspapers. She sniffed them, and went. So, she was already trained. Good.

I picked the little animal up, hugging her to me. I liked her red bandana, but she kept tearing it off.

I plucked the messy papers up and threw them out the window. I was too lazy to bother with the trash can, since there wasn't one in the room.

'Well,' Nny muttered irritably, 'Let's go, then.'

I thought that maybe he'd been secretly hoping the dog would have suddenly died. Knowing him, he'd probably set a trap or something.

…

Sitting in the car, Sierra was being a little fidgety for a while, irritating Nny. Eventually, though, she settled into my lap and fell asleep. I was staring out the window at the passing buildings on the way back to our town. Nny didn't seem happy about going back to the town, but he couldn't object due to the fact he wasn't going anywhere certain anyways.

Idle conversation passed between Nny and I, eventually turning to our childhoods.

'Didn't you say something about your parents at one point?' he asked.

'I don't know, actually,' I replied. 'My mom died a long time ago. I didn't have any siblings, but my mother did have a miscarriage son before I was born.'

'What about your dad?'

'Well, he raised me the best he could, but he didn't know how to deal with me. My mom, in the bits that I remember, did pretty much everything while Dad just worked. He didn't like talking much, because he didn't know _how,_ really. He didn't know how to help me sort out my problems, or teach me to take care of myself. Eventually, I just learned.'

'So, you basically raised yourself?'

'In essence, yes,' I responded.

Nny nodded absentmindedly, concentrating on the road as we took another turn.

Sierra stirred slightly in my lap, and I patted her, rubbing her fur until she fell asleep.

The rhythmic humming of the car's movement started lulling me to sleep, until the jarring lurches from speed bumps and cracks in the road didn't matter anymore.

…

'Blood- I mean- Kiera- wake up.'

'Hmm,' I mumbled.

'We're here.'

'We are?'

I looked around blearily, suddenly feeling wetness on my face. It was Sierra, licking me.

'Cut it out,' I said, shoving the energetic puppy away from my face.

I sat up, and Nny was pulling into a parking lot.

'How did you know where I live?'

'Your sleep-voice.'

I picked the wiggly puppy up, and got out of the car. It was definitely my apartment building.

The parking lot was the same, the same old puddles collected from the rain. The same bad memories of my life flashing through my head.

…My break up with Lamar, when he had made me give back the ring for the blonde, trashy whore clinging to his shoulder.

Walking in, alone, so many times, wanting to stay out, but knowing I had no purpose outdoors. I slowly meandered my way across the parking lot, remembering certain places I'd stood in the light of the moon, sketching something or writing in my angst diary.

I could almost see holograms of myself, standing in this very lot, staring up at the moon, wanting to scream to God, '_Why do you fucking let me suffer like this! ?'_

The dawn was just breaking, a purplish red that danced across the sky, a couple lonely clouds drifting in front of the rising sun.

I stared down, nuzzling the puppy in my arms, and then looking towards the darkened doors of my apartment complex.

I walked inside a little reluctantly.

The lobby was the same, as well. Same old mail slots, rusty and dingy. Same old couches for people who were waiting for a cab, or for a family member to pick them up. I idly remembered that I had never sat in them before.

I pressed the call button to the elevator, and heard an obedient hum as it descended to the ground floor.

I rubbed Sierra's head and hummed soothingly to her as I got into the familiar elevator.

Nny seemed a little reluctant about following me into the elevator. 'Come on,' I pressed impatiently, as I punched in the number 4 on the elevator's panel.

Nny leapt in just as the upward descent began and stupid music began to play. I sighed.

I looked around at the familiar walls, a dull red that used to be very bright. I could pick out some immature shit people had written using their Sharpies in a moment of boredom.

And right in one of those corners, I knew somewhere it had my chicken scratch scrawl writing saying, 'K.A was here.'

Deep in thought, when the elevator stopped, it shocked me.

With an electronic _ding,_ the door opened.

I walked down the dark hallway, small noises of my neighbours emanating from the rooms. I clutched Sierra close, and walked up to my door.

The same old, stained red door, with the dingy gold knob and the letter 13 on it.

'This is it,' I said, unimpressively motioning towards the door.

'Isn't it locked?' Nny asked, raising a speculative eyebrow.

'I have a certain way of opening it. I'm paranoid,' I replied, shrugging somewhat sheepishly.

With that, I searched for the familiar crack above the door where I hid the string. It was there, like always. I pulled it, and a small _thump_ came from behind the worn-out door.

'What was that?' Nny asked, looking confused.

'A chair,' I mumbled, my face reddening. I felt stupid.

I opened the door, and shoved the chair aside.

Everything was the same.

Even the radio left playing quietly was the same, playing music too gently for me to hear. I managed to crack a small, cold smile at the simple way I had lived. I'd thought I had it bad, living alone, clinically depressed. Add Nny to the equation, the roommate you would never want. I felt very selfish for believing I had had it the worst back then.

A layer of dust covered the floor, and in the sink were dirty dishes. On the counter was an ancient meal, too mouldy for me to recognize. The air was stale, and I could see dust swirling gently by the window, through faded black curtains.

I looked at my art supplies.

The paints were still lying around, the unfinished print of a wolf, Zavé, still on the canvas. It was bone-dry and covered in a layer of dust.

I looked through the rooms.

My old bathroom, clothes left on the floor from my final shower. My old guest room, untouched.

And finally, my old bed, still unmade. My old figurines that I used to have conversations with, so that I could talk to my voices.

The little gray timber wolf, which was Zavé.

The little round black pool ball with the white number scratched off, which was Noir.

'Hey, guys,' I sneered at the objects, feeling a little stupid,

'_I did always find it childish being placed to a black ball. It fits me, though. Dark.'_ Noir grumbled.

'_And I, the wolf. A beast of beauty and grace,_ Zavé said happily.

Then I noticed my voicemail machine blinking, a hypnotic red light. I idly wondered why my electricity hadn't been cut off or something.

'Hmm,' I mumbled to myself, putting Sierra on the floor. She yipped and dashed off somewhere.

I pressed one of the buttons.

'_You have five messages. Press-'_

I pressed _play._

'Hey, err-' A rustling of paper. '-Kiera Artemus, this is the St. James hospital in Ohio. We are calling to inform you your father has minor grade lung cancer. He is being treated and will be released soon. It is March fifteenth today. Call us back. I trust you have caller ID.'

My dad, cancer? I could have seen that coming, considering he smoked a lot. They'd said it was low grade- he must be fine by now.

'_Listen again, delete, or-_'

I clicked _next._

'Kiera, where are you? This is your friend, Jake. I heard about what's going on, but why'd you up and disappear like that? People are gettin' worried, you know?'

Jake, my friend? Hah, he was a guy that stalked me around for kicks and tried to have sex with me.

_Next._

'Kiera, where'd you go-'

_Next._

'Kiera, your dad has-'

_Next._

'Hello, this is the Highland Morgue. We are calling to inform you that your father has passed away as of July fourth. Please pass this message on to any family members that you know.'

I stopped, suddenly.

My dad was dead?

_Dead?_

They'd said they were treating him, didn't they?

I sat there in shock, as the machine droned on.

I was surprised when the tears started. It wasn't like I didn't love my dad, but…

I mean, my dad never really cared much, he smoked, and was depressed. But it was too early for him to die. I never called for guidance or anything, but he was like a security blanket. I knew he was there.

And I wasn't _there_ for him to die. If I was dying, I'd want whoever I could with me. He didn't have anyone but me.

That meant he died alone.

…All alone, breathing his final breath without anyone there holding his hand and saying, 'I love you. Sleep well.'

A sob caught in my throat, and I moaned. 'No…'

He had been alone, all alone, to die. I'd never been the greatest daughter- I mean, Dad and I never got along well because I was strong-willed and he disagreed with most of what I did.

But that was no reason for me to abandon him. That's probably what he thought I did.

Tears fell from my face, and a howl of grief and anger welled up.

'_No!'_ I screamed, and Nny ran in.

'What! ? What happened?'

'I'm a horrible person,' I wailed. 'My… My dad-'

'What happened to your dad?' he asked, sitting down surprisingly close to me.

'He…'

He waited patiently for me to catch my breath.

I sniffed, and tried to compose myself. 'He- he died of cancer… An' I wasn't there. He was always alone after my mom died… All he had was me… And I wasn't there for him.'

Nny didn't seem sure of what to say.

I sobbed, my breath turning into quick gasps, I was hyperventilating.

Nny didn't seem quite sure what to do with this.

'Hey, hey. Er, it's fine. He… He probably knew that you would have been there…'

I gave Nny a little smile through my heaving sobs. 'Are you trying to console me?'

'I guess.'

I bit into my hand, trying to slow my breathing. It was hard to get enough air with the panting, shuddering breaths that I couldn't control.

Suddenly, I grabbed Nny, and held him tightly, gasping for air and whimpering.

His body was warm, and smelled nice. Not like I would expect him to. I would usually assume that he'd

smell like rotting flesh and evil intention.

He didn't. It wasn't like a teenager's scintillating perfume that burned your nose out. It was just there, a tiny scent that was kind of musky. It wasn't 'manly,' like those stupid shampoos that smelled a lot like sweaty body odour.

It was Nny's own special smell.

His hair was weird, too. It wasn't nice and clean like his smell, it was a bit greasy and very erratically arranged, but appearing to be like that almost on purpose. He never played with it, though, he just left it the way it was. Sometimes he'd slick it back with something like blood or water, but that was it.

I sat there, snivelling like a child, digging my nails into Nny's back in anguished grief.

He didn't move, he didn't respond. He didn't hug me back. He just sat there, uncomprehending.

I sobbed into his shoulder, until the awkwardness was too much to bear.

I drew back uncertainly, and slowly shuffled away from him.

'Sorry,' I mumbled, sniffing.

He looked very tense, his fists clenching and unclenching. His jaw was taut.

'It's… Fine,' he hissed.

'I shouldn't do that.'

'No… It's fine… I… It's Mr. Fuck and Psycho Dough Boy- they don't consider it a pleasing experience like I might.'

This surprised me. He _enjoyed_ being embraced?

I sat there, crying, listening to his irritated catlike sniff-breaths grow less close together, and a sigh as he relaxed again.

'As I was saying, I really don't mind, as long as you aren't doing anything _filthy, _like placing your paws on any inappropriate sections of my person.'

I nodded, trying to calm down, then felt tears well up again, remembering that my dad was _dead. _I couldn't stop the images lancing my brain, choking me.

Nny reluctantly scuffled down the bed, and held me close.

After a couple moments of silence, he took a deep breath and said, 'Come on. I… I bet he wouldn't have wanted you moping around and grieving.'

I said between hyperventilated breaths, 'I- I k-know, it's just- so hard, knowing that- he's gone- f-forever.. And I didn't even f-fucking say _goodbye…_'

Suddenly, my head started spinning, and I collapsed backwards in Nny's arms. His grasp on me instinctively tightened.

'Bl- I mean, Kiera- what's wrong?'

'Lack of oxygen… Losing consciousness.'

'Huh?'

'Not 'nuff air…'

I tried to slow my staggering, shaky breaths, but couldn't. I continued hiccupping air uncontrollably.

'Come on, breathe properly!' he snapped.

I tried to sit up, and bit fiercely into my arm, probably causing severe bruising.

Slowly- very, very slowly, it worked, and Nny withdrew quite awkwardly.

We sat in silence for a while, until my dog ran in, yapping like a terror and surprising me.

'Sierra! Shush!' I snapped. I turned to Nny. 'I need to go clean myself up.'

The tension in the air in the room was too much to bear.

I stepped into the bathroom, splashing my face with cold water and staring at myself in the mirror.

I looked so different from when I'd last seen this mirror.

I had dark circles under my eyes, and small lines from my scars. There were many of them, not extremely noticeable, but enough for you to wonder what the hell had happened to me.

I sighed, gazing into my green eyes, my black hair a bit more than shoulder-length.

I looked at my arms, slashed with little lines, scars.

I bit my lip, trying to avoid crying again. I hated crying, as it made me a lot more sensitive to things that bothered me for a while.

Splashing more cold water on my face, I dried it with a towel. I looked better, just tired and sad.

I stepped into the main room, and stared at my painting.

I remembered the angst and anger within me when I'd started the painting, suddenly.

That was nothing. My dad was dead.

I shook my head angrily. With my teeth bared in a snarl, I picked up the print, throwing the canvas to the side, breaking it.

Sierra ran up, yapping at me and going to look for the source of the noise.

'It's nothing, Sierra,' I said. 'Just bad memories.'

I picked up another canvas I'd already bought before Nny had kidnapped me.

I placed it on the board, and stared at it critically.

Painting wasn't an option yet. It was too light out for me to paint properly. I did my best work at night, under the moon.

…

'Fuck,' I hissed at myself in the other room. Blood's angst, why did it affect me? Where did my concern originate from?

Why _did_ it originate?

She was a pet. An accomplice, at most. She was not an interest. She couldn't be an interest.

It was an impossibility. Of course I enjoyed Blood's company- who wouldn't?

She was deliciously dark, intelligent, cautious (sometimes), brooding-

I dared not think _pretty,_ as she was covered with an array of scars from head to toe. All of which were my doing, save a couple she had inflicted in her childhood.

Her tattoo, however, I had left untouched. It was two tiger striped on her cheek, and quite a good way to frame her dainty face- to show she was still dangerous. I'd learned this when she had tried to attack me a couple times. She'd never beat me in a fight, but she could definitely give you a good kick or two.

Of course, with age, this tattoo would become an abomination rather than a compliment to her appearance.

But there was always the option of freezing the tattoo in time- freeze the youth, in death, it would never happen.

But, no. I had adamantly decided not to kill Blood. It would be very unproductive in my curiosity on the human psyche.

She wasn't an interest- she _couldn't_ be an interest. That would blind me in my answers.

She was my experiment. I controlled _me._ Love is something you _choose_ to happen. It doesn't occur on its own.

'_But what if it does?'_ Nailbunny murmured. _'What then?'_

'It doesn't,' I snarled.

'_Then why are D-boy and Mr. Fuck silent?'_

'What does that have to do with anything?'

'_Think, Nny- they feed off of your misery. If you're happy, they can't do that.'_

'So I should _allow_ myself to lust after Blood?'

'_A poor description at best, but yes, in my opinion, it's a good idea to rid yourself of the Doughboys,'_ Nailbunny answered.

'Smart bunny,' I murmured. This was a possible idea- I remember when Devi came, the Doughboys were all but silent, except for the one moment.

The one moment that I slipped up, and lost my chance of happiness with Devi forever.

If I _were_ to try being interested in Blood, I would have to be very, very careful not to make a blunder like that again.

But I _couldn't_ be interested in Blood. She was my pawn. A toy.

I shook my head, and pinched the bridge of my nose in irritation. This wasn't working.

_Maybe I should just let her go,_ I thought.

No- I couldn't do that. I didn't want to. The fascination I found in her odd way of thinking was too much to just release.

Humming a bit, I wished I had something to kill. I found that when I killed, I could ask these questions to the captives. Sometimes they'd listen, but usually they would just scream and scream.

Then I could laugh, and usually I found the answer that way.

…

_Sorry if this was too fluffy. I was sobbing half the time I wrote this chapter over my dog. I may have to go to the hospital, which means the story would be on hiatus for a while._

_Sorry, you guys._

32 _reviews… Thank you, and I mean it. I can't use exclamation marks right now._

**Ley the Homicidal Maniac: Thanks for the prayers, but it was too late for Sierra.**

**TheBrokenChild: Johnny needed a bribe. Blood wouldn't tell him her name without something from him, so I figured I'd give him a last name for fun. I found out while looking down the list that the name 'Cullen' means beautiful. Weird, huh? That explains the Twilight series.**

**Criminally Insane Angel: Thanks for the review- I'm working on moving on. It's a bit tough, which is fairly easy to imagine.**

**CrazyChic111:Thanks- hope you liked this chapter.**

**InvaderRusty221: Naughty, naughty- I never do my homework. I write this fic instead.**

**(ANON): Um, thanks for the review, although it was a little irrelevant… Anyways, thank you.**


	12. Chapter 12

I sat back, my arm draped over the couch, watching TV. Sierra was curled up at my feet.

Sighing, I looked down at my dog, then back to the TV. I didn't have anything to do.

I had a throbbing headache, and I was out of Tylenol.

'Ugh,' I grumbled. 'Fucking headaches.'

'_Quit whining,'_ Noir growled.

It had been a week since I'd received the news about my dad's death, and I was doing okay, except I was thinking so much it made my brain hurt. That, and Noir's constant snarling.

Nny had continuously given me these speculative looks that were starting to make me a little nervous.

When I'd ask, 'Why are you staring at me?' he'd laugh, and wander off somewhere.

I idly stared across the room at my empty canvas.

It sat there, watching me.

Begging to be stained.

'_With blood,'_ Noir inputted unhelpfully.

A canvas couldn't _watch,_ could it? It could only sit there, looking blank.

I lay back on the couch and stretched, a groan of boredom escaping my throat.

'Enjoying yourself?' I heard the familiar growling hiss of Nny's voice.

'No. No, I'm not,' I replied irritably.

'Why?'

'Because I can't find a form of entertainment anywhere.'

'I thought you were above things as monotone as that.'

'No, not really. Everybody requires amusement- even you, Nny. You kill people for fun.'

'Touché.'

I sighed, and got up angrily, pacing back and forth across the room, Nny's intent gaze following me back and forth.

'I'm tired, Nny.' I mumbled.

'What do you mean?'

'There's physically tired, mentally tired, and just plain tired. I'm tired of life. I don't feel good- ever. Sure, there's those _moments,_ but they are worthless in the big picture.'

'A single molecular spot of light in infinite darkness,' Nny replied.

'Exactly. Nothing is bright anymore, nothing is enjoyable, nothing is _pure._'

'I've found myself enjoying things lately. Usually my moods affect you in one way or another.'

'That's because when you're in a bad mood, you're more liable to beat the shit out of me, whereas when you are feeling good-natured, you are slightly merciful.'

Nny chuckled. 'Ouch. You got me there.'

'That canvas over there, it tortures me with its _emptiness._ I get so many ideas flashing in my mind, but I know I'll start and never finish it. That's the shitty bit of it- so many great ideas, yet no inspiration.'

'Well, then, find something that inspires you.'

'But what? What could possibly motivate me to do what I used to? I remember as a kid, I'd sneak out of bed and draw all night. Nowadays, that lust to create art escapes me entirely. Where did it go? And why is it gone?'

'I don't know.'

I got up and stormed over to the canvas. 'You can drain my life all you want, but you won't ever be what you think you are! Forever blank, you piece of shit!'

Nny interrupted my tirade. 'Blood, you're talking to a canvas.'

'I know. I'm pissed off.'

…

Time to put a simple test into play.

I almost let out a snigger as I walked over to Blood and placed my hand on her shoulder comfortingly.

I said as sincerely as possible, 'Your need to create art will return eventually. Just try doing things- other things- that you like, for now.'

It worked- she calmed down immediately. 'I guess you're right, Nny.'

It was too easy, influencing Blood as soon as I truly paid _attention_ to it. All I had to do was something that seemed genuine, and I could ask her to jump off a bridge or shoot herself in the head. She'd comply willingly, without doubts.

It was fascinating.

'_But remember she's a person, Nny, a special person,'_ Nailbunny pressed gently.

Stupid bunny. He wanted me to try falling in love with Blood to see if it would silence those impetuous fucks, the Doughboys.

And, happiness, la la la- skipping into the sunset. Common _human_ ideals. I wasn't like that.

Blood went to lay on the couch again, looking tired and upset. She hadn't eaten for a while, either, as her father's death had sucked away her appetite.

In fact, when I thought about it, the death had sucked away everything. She was very mellow, and blank most of the time, save a few moments of emotion- but it was usually irritation.

She slept sometimes, but usually lay staring into space for a few hours before that could even happen.

I, personally, liked the little apartment- it was neat, nice, and had a dark, quiet atmosphere.

'I just don't understand this anymore. I used to think I knew what I was doing, and always had a purpose. Lately, I can't think of anything to do except lie around and feel like shit.'

I wasn't sure what to say to that. I think Blood just wanted to talk to someone.

'Maybe you should write your thoughts in a die-ary,' I said. She didn't notice my pause between words. It was obvious she thought I'd said _diary_ rather than _die-ary._

'Possibly. I had a book for that, but it's at your labyrinth,' she replied. 'Besides, I think it's my voices, they won't shut up lately.'

'What do you mean?'

'They kept telling me to go home, and now they keep telling me to listen to the whispers. None of it makes sense.'

'Maybe the whispers are impulse. Maybe you should obey some of them.'

She laughed. 'You don't want to know what my impulses are, Nny.'

This interested me. 'Why not?'

'I'm not going to tell you.'

I growled, and she shot me an irritated look.

She stared at the canvas again. 'I have an idea for a painting.'

'What is it?' I asked.

'Noir. She doesn't have a form. She likes it that way,' she grinned evilly. 'And I'll give her one. One that she'll hate.'

…

'_What do you mean by a form I'll hate?'_ Noir asked irritably.

I didn't respond, as Nny was standing there, staring at me.

Getting up, I stalked over to the canvas and stared at it, pictures flashing through my mind.

Then, it all started when I picked up a pencil.

…

'_No! NOO! What the fuck is wrong with you! ? This can_not_ be my form!'_

I growled with pleasure at Noir's angry screams. She couldn't hurt me- not physically, although she seethed with the desire to.

'It's very fitting,' I mumbled.

'_A _rat_ is vermin! Crawling, dirty, polluting vermin!'_

'You crawl through my mind, dirtying and polluting it. I think it resembles you a lot more than you'd care to admit,' I replied.

I heard a mental snarl, and a lot of thrashing.

Zavé was laughing her ass off at Noir's reaction, gleeful at the usually irritating shadow's fury.

My mood while creating the painting had turned more and more foul. I was very, very bad-tempered at that moment, and the screeching arguments in my head were not helping.

Fuck, fuck, fuck! I couldn't stand this feeling of anger and anxiety.

I looked away from the drying painting, the rat's red eyes burning into mine. I couldn't look at it for long, and walked down the short hall to sit in my room.

Nny had disappeared to the guest room, I think. He seemed to somehow manage to vanish in my six-room apartment.

Seven if you count my closet.

I lay back, staring at the ceilings. I needed to relax. Just relax- stop thinking. Stop being angry.

I mumbled to myself furiously, trying to think of something.

Music tended to help. My Skillet CD was around somewhere, but I didn't want to listen to it.

Closing my eyes. I tried to relax. My bed was a little lumpy, a little flaw I had yearned in my captivity. Little things from home, the smells, the sounds, the memories- they all helped me feel better.

Like I was still sane. Like nothing had ever changed.

Nny walked in, and asked, 'What are you doing? You never sleep at this time.'

'I'm annoyed,' I replied.

'You're always annoyed.'

'I want to be happy.'

'Well, you can't just be happy- that's not how it works.'

'Obviously,' I replied bad-temperedly.

'The illusion always dissolves,' I growled. 'Never permanent, the happiness never lasts. Even if it _were_ to last, its beauty would be marred by sadness and hate.'

Nny nodded. 'Stop it in its tracks and refuse the disintegration.'

'Being blank would be easier than battling to be happy.'

'Something I've considered attempting- becoming cold, heartless, unfeeling of anything.'

'But we are feeling beings. Emotional, sexual, and thoughtful. We can't go back to our roots like that, it would be devolving.'

'That would take a very long time, yes- so how can you pursue happiness? It is the nature of all things to chase contentment.'

I sat in thought for a second, my mind dancing in circles endlessly.

'Fuckitty fuck fuck,' I growled angrily.

'Well, you were fine while you were doing that painting, weren't you?'

'No, Noir was yelling at me all the time.'

'Why?'

'She likes being formless. Having a form makes her angry.'

'You gave her one?'

'Yes.'

'What is it?'

'A rat.'

He nodded thoughtfully. 'Maybe you should just go to sleep.'

'I can't,' I moaned. 'I want to, but I can't.'

'Draw?'

'I just made a painting.'

'I don't know, then.'

My mind was reeling. I couldn't think, act, do anything.

'Can you take me outside, Nny? I really need some fresh air.'

'Yeah, whatever.'

Weird, he was actually obeying requests for once.

There was something going on with him, I was sure of it.

And it was the only thing I was sure of any more.

…

We walked along the pavement. I watched her movements, her hands clenching and unclenching in fists.

No doubt, she was just stressed and irritable. No reason for it- it happened to me quite consistently.

'Hey,' Blood said, suddenly. 'Do you want to go get food?'

'Hmm,' I mumbled. 'I suppose so. You haven't had fast food in a while, have you?'

'No, I haven't. I need to do some stupid stuff.'

'Like what?'

'What I used to do to pass the time- go to fast food joints, buy stupid stuff, hang out in front of coffee shops.. I miss just doing what I used to.'

I figured that doing this would assist me in the whole 'bonding' thing. I was interested how Blood would react to the whole 'listening to her' thing. Usually, her ideas were worthless to me unless I actually bothered thinking about it.

We walked down the way, and she stared at the ground. It was night, of course, as going outdoors during the day pissed Blood off to no end.

'I'm not crazy, Nny, am I?'

It was an unexpected question.

She continued. 'I'm just… I don't know what's wrong with me lately- I feel like something's clawing to get out- I want to attack _everything!'_ She snarled and spasmed, suddenly, and turned to punch a concrete flowerbed.

I felt a little sympathetic- she wanted to kill, but didn't have the stomach to possibly ever commit such a misdeed.

'You need to release some energy and relax. Go out more often. I will escort you.'

She gave me a very suspicious look. 'Nny, why have you been so lax in your punishments lately? And you're _nice_ to me. You _never_ do that. Are you sick or something?'

I shook my head. 'No. I'm fine.'

'There's something going on with you, and I'm going to find it out.'

I snapped, 'Watch your boundaries! You seem to frequently forget that I hold the key to all your freedom!'

Suddenly, Blood's face contorted in absolute seething fury.

'_You…_ _Dare…_ Threaten me?'

Her teeth showed in an animalistic expression, and suddenly, she was leaping for me before I even could comprehend it.

…

I knocked the fuck to the ground, a red haze covering my mind.

'_How dare he? !' _Zavé screamed, urging on my fury.

I pounded him across the face again and again, his limbs quickly twitching to life to throw me off.

I saw him advancing, black rage flashing dangerously like fire in his eyes.

He went to hit me, but I knew his moves. I dodged to the side, and kicked him in the knee cap. Hard.

Nny staggered slightly, but regained his balance, his head whipping furiously from side to side, trying to track my quick movements.

I darted back and forth from his blows, clipping him here and there.

Suddenly, his leg suddenly shot out and caught me in the shin.

I fell forwards, and was soon flat on my back, with Nny sitting on my chest, glaring down at me.

His lip and eyes were twitching, and his nose was bleeding.

I glared back up, and struggled wildly to free myself.

'Hey, hey- enough of that,' he laughed.

This was _funny?_

'You son of a bitch,' I breathed. 'Is this all a joke to you?'

He gave me an amused look. 'Oh, although this is very funny, your pathetic attempt to overpower me, but I digress. This is not a joke at all- I am assisting you, and you decide to attack me? What stops me from strangling you to death right now?'

'I don't know,' I replied.

'Well, do check yourself next time to be sure that this doesn't happen again.

'Otherwise, I'm afraid I will have to kill you, Blood.'

…

**Not a spectacular chapter. I had some writer's block. Keeping them in one place is a pain in the ass, especially a six-room apartment, and, with Blood's personality, is not good.**

**Crazychic111: Thank you. Sierra would wag her tail if she were alive. ;_;**

**Thunder's Winged Heart: Your name is cool. Thanks for the deviant art comments and stuff (if that was you xD) And don't worry, calling her Kiera is hard for me too.**

**D.G. Blackwolf: I wanted to put some hugging in, and I had the chapter finished when I realized it ran up to it too quickly, so then I extended it by a good two thousand words or so. That's why it took so long, that, and my mom was interrupting my writing a lot.**

**TheBrokenChild: I'm not particularly fond of the name 'Chogan,' but I figured it couldn't be anything super-attractive as it would go against Nny's personality. (Imagine: Johnny 'Cullen.' Are you happy with Chogan now?)**

**Anyways, thanks for reviews, etc, etc… Have a good night. Tomorrow's Friday, so I'll start the next chapter tomorrow.**

**Who knows, they might kiss. -wink wink- (I actually don't know. I'm making the story up as I go- and in Math class when I'm not paying attention.)**

A little note: The more reviews I get, the more guilty I feel to update faster.**  
**


	13. Chapter 13

_A request from the author:_

_Please listen to the song 'Time For Me' by Paul Collier. The name on YouTube is '__Are you Stressed or anxious? This may help you. PLEASE WATCH (music by Paul Collier) (36__)__'_

_It is the imaginary piano music later in this chapter, and through the flashbacks. Try to be relaxed- I was totally in the zone when I wrote this and it is kind of fluffy and messed up._

_Enjoy the thirteenth chapter._

…

When I woke up, I was still annoyed.

After our fight, Nny and I had kept a tense silence as we visited places until going home.

I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, wanting to go back to sleep. I didn't care for being awake at the moment.

Zavé started mumbling in some other language, and Noir was just there, trying to be upsetting.

'There has to be more than this,' I growled. 'More than grief and anxiety.'

_I need a hug,_ I thought. _And someone to talk to that isn't psychopathic._ _The insanity is getting to me._

Suddenly, Zavé said, '_You need to stop mourning and move on. Stop thinking about it and do stuff that you like.'_

'But how?' I murmured.

'_Stop relying on Nny. Do what you want when you want to- go out, go do things.'_

'But he'll kill me.'

'_If he intended to, he would have by now, don't you think?'_

'You're right,' I whispered.

I sat up, thinking. I _would_ go out. I needed to. I had to escape for a little while, get some coffee and sit and think.

Maybe I'd write a little. I remembered that I used to do that. I slipped a little notebook into my pocket and a pen.

Getting out of bed, Johnny was nowhere in sight. He was probably in the guest room doing something weird.

I stepped to the door, half-expecting something to jump out and bite me.

I placed my hand on the knob.

Nothing happened.

Slowly twisted it…

Nothing.

The lock clicked, and it creaked open slowly.

Silence- nothingness.

I quietly stepped out of the apartment, closed the door, and left, after making sure the string-chair mechanism was working.

As I walked down the hall and into the elevator, I felt strange. Naked, almost- I was used to Johnny hovering over me like a demon's shadow.

My first flicker of happy feeling in a long time suddenly burst into light.

It felt so good, the feeling. A tiny little flame that was blowing into life, and growing. It wasn't _hopeless _anymore. It was nice.

I was glad I'd thought to bring a notebook.

…

I sat in front of my favourite coffee shop, a light fog covering the city.

Leaning back with my favourite kind of beverage, things could not be more perfect.

It was my most loved café kind of place, as it was open all night.

The city lights danced, and the fog moved slowly. I could make the moon and stars out from the misty haze, and sighed.

This sigh, however, was not angry or sad. It was a sigh of contentment. I was alone, nobody watching me. Nobody demanding anything. Nobody hurting me.

Piano music played quietly from the speakers in the store, completing the mood. It was so eerie. So beautiful.

I closed my eyes, and listened to the music, feeling weightless. Perfect. Celestially quiet.

The silence echoed, bouncing in the quiet city, the stars almost seeming to dance.

My life flashed through my head, first day at school, scared of being alone.

Crying alone in the dark because I was choking on anxiety.

My mother dying, standing at her bed side, watching the heart monitor go flat.

The first time Noir spoke.

The first time I tried to kill myself.

Cutting myself the first time, and painting a picture of Noir with the blood.

My first love, ending with him leaving because I wasn't 'pretty' enough.

Zavé speaking for the first time.

Living in solitude, sheltering myself away from people, hating them.

Stopping myself from crying and using my blood as tears.

Waking up screaming, again and again.

The days growing longer, my emotions getting flatter.

Another love. Happiness for a while.

Being left for someone else.

Writing poems. Sketching. Being alone.

Long nights, alone with myself. Noir trying to get me to kill myself.

The second suicide attempt.

Long days in the hospital, alone.

Lamar, when I was fourteen.

Thinking he was my salvation. My angel on white wings to save me from myself.

The first kiss we had, the first time I cried around him, the first real laugh I could remember.

Four years together, our relationship getting progressively worse.

He proposed to me, and that was the time I thought he would fix everything, and we would be fine again.

Then, he left me alone again. Alone, for a blonde bitch who couldn't understand letters more than six words long.

Sadness again. Long nights thinking of him. Noir taunting me.

Moving out to my own apartment when I couldn't stand living with someone else anymore.

Pain, sadness, and bills to pay. Nothing to do but sit in the very seat I was sitting in at the café, feeling miserable.

Long days and nights alone, nothing to do but scream in pain on the inside.

Being abducted by Nny.

The first time he beat me, when I tried to escape and he slashed my arm and broke it.

Lying alone in that room, bleeding and crying.

The first time I left the room, stumbling after Nny in blind pain.

The faces of the captives, screaming for help, for death, for God, for their mothers, their brothers, their spouses, their children.

Months in captivity, my mental barriers weakening and growing unsure of everything.

Leaving on the 'trip.'

Finding Sierra.

Going back to my apartment.

There was so much, too much. The confusion was constant. The pain was never ending.

I smiled, and sighed again. The night almost sang, my little flicker of good feeling never wavering.

Zavé sang and laughed, while Noir was extremely upset with my good mood.

Humming quietly to myself, I opened my eyes.

It was still the same, the night soft and perfect, the wispy clouds like idle thoughts drifting across a star-strewn sky.

The moon bounced off the pavement, glittering gently on the concrete.

Twinkling lights turned on and off, the fog putting a perfect contrast in the night air.

I exhaled, and smiled. It was time to go home.

…

When I arrived home, I felt like I was on cloud nine. I felt so good.

Nny was waiting at the door for me, looking absolutely furious, but I just brushed past him and went to lay in bed, savouring the night air in my lungs and the stardust in my eyes.

'Just where the _hell_ have you been?' Nny snarled.

'The first enjoyable experience in months,' I replied.

'What were you _doing_ out without my permission! ?'

'Nny, I'm sorry about that. I was about to go crazy. I just needed some _time.'_

'Where _were _you?'

'A café, I drank some coffee and listened to 'the whispers.' All in all, I have had a very good night. Please don't ruin this for me.'

'What were the whispers?'

I got up and turned the radio on, twisting the knob to the station at the café.

Soothing piano played, and I opened my window to reveal the foggy starlit city.

I smiled. 'It's peaceful.'

I could see that Nny wanted to hit me until he came over and looked out the window.

The moon accented the fog perfectly, the soft piano bringing a feeling of utter calm to the atmosphere.

For the first time, Nny actually looked… _tranquil._

No crazy glow in his eyes, or anger. Just utterly peaceful.

I sat back on my bed, watching out the window as he stood there.

Somehow, he managed to look striking in the moonlight. His tired face was outlined deeply, but the silvery light accented his tanner skin.

'Go to sleep, Nny,' I said.

'Sleep… I detest it. It's evil, sucking my life away,' he replied.

'But you're tired. You're always awake, fighting and angry. You should just go to sleep and _forget_ for a little while. That's why I sleep- to escape the monsters for a few short hours.'

He turned to me, looking a little sad and tired. 'I'm not sleeping, Kiera. I can't.'

'Why?'

'I'm already probably insane, and sleep makes me feel even more so. The confusion is too much.'

It made sense to me.

We watched the night for a while, silent except for our breathing.

It stayed that way until the sun started to rise.

…

When the room started turning light, that was when Nny finally moved, interrupting the quiet.

'Thank you for that,' he murmured, and left my room.

I sat in the silence, the good feeling fading. I desperately tried to cling to it.

I got off my bed, and stepped down the hall, into the main room.

Sitting on the couch, I hugged a pillow to me.

Nny stepped into the room and looked in my fridge, taking out a sandwich he'd probably made.

Through a mouthful of food, he said, 'Where'd your mood go?'

'Trying to retain it. It's fading quite quickly.'

'I could fix that,' he murmured, with a sly grin.

'Huh?' I replied.

Before I knew it, he removed the pillow from my arms and replaced it with himself, kissing me.

Kissing me?

His mouth was stiff and pressed roughly on mine.

Somehow, to my surprise, I kissed him back without hesitation.

We slowly, slowly moved to have him straddling me on top of the couch.

…

He broke apart from her, smirking. Blood's eyes were wide with surprise, small, shocked little breaths emanating from her mouth.

She tried desperately to relax, and Nny bit savagely into her neck, grinding his teeth with pleasure into her pallid skin.

He pulled back when he heard her utter a soft cry of pain, and watched with a leering grin as it started turning into a large, black bruise immediately.

She let out a little whimper, and he soothed the bite with small kisses and lapping of his tongue.

It was fascinating, everything, the _lust-_ he could hardly bear the impulse to beat her senseless and take her. It was a feeling he had never felt before, the desire to rape.

'Biting me won't make me your property,' Blood growled, stubbornly glaring at him.

Ah, so she wanted _more?_ Nny was perfectly willing to comply.

His object of _interest_- while watching the night, he had silently been arguing with Nailbunny. The dead rabbit had won, and Nny could no longer resist. She was in submission like prey, her black locks spread out underneath her on the worn reddened couch like a silky black shadow.

He grinned again, and expertly (although he had no experience) he kissed her gently down the neck, urging forth a purring groan from her throat.

He then traced his tongue silkily over her tattoo and hummed, 'You are beautiful… Dangerous, obedient, unpredictable. You never fail to surprise me.'

Nny kissed her softly, chewing her bottom lip gently, then pried her lips open with patience using his tongue.

Immediately she responded by intertwining her tongue with his, and battled fiercely for dominance.

Blood's arms, which had been at her sides, circled to crush him in an embrace.

Nny grinned. 'Your strength cannot match mine, Blood.'

With that, she thrust her tongue deeply into his throat and noted, with satisfaction, that it made his breath hitch and shudder.

He fought back ferociously, until they pulled apart, gasping for air.

Blood tried to sit up, and he held her down by the shoulders, grinning almost evilly.

'What… Will it take to make you _my_ property alone? Away from shits like Alec… Mine, all mine.'

He laughed lustily, not in a disgusting way, but a Nny way. A quiet chuckle of anticipation.

Blood reddened (which seemed impossible at how much she was blushing already) and replied, 'I don't know.'

'Your virginity? Your will? A promise of love? Those… They are empty, but may place some emotional chain bond between us.'

Then, he grinned again. 'More scars?'

Blood shrugged under the weight of his hands on her shoulders. 'Your choice.'

'I can't think of anything right now… Mm, you are too beautiful to resist,' Nny whispered.

They stared into each others' eyes with neither love nor hate, as he kissed her again.

…

_Bad? Awful? Disgusting? What do you think?_

_**TheBrokenChild: It better be. ):**_

_**Raven Samantha Byron: Your mouse must be pretty brutal to make it hurt from scrolling.**_

_**Ley the Homicidal Maniac: Oh, I'm pretty sure we're not the only ones… And Blood will hurt Nny eventually, yes, yes, she will.**_

_**D.G. Blackwolf: I thought for the longest time you were a girl. -sobs- I am so ashamed… But thanks for the reviews. They make me happy.**_

_**Kawaii miku 13: Is it cheese cake? That's my favourite cake ever.**_

_**Thunder's Winged Heart: Yeah, Nny's head went from his ass to Blood's mouth. How do you like that for a change? :D **_

_**Crazychic111: Oh, I don't know about that.. I think Nny is pretty much a crazy house all on his own. O3o**_

_**Criminally Insane Angel: Thanks for the concern. C: Naughty naughty, sneaking on the computer. You didn't waste my life, you actually guilted me into posting this lemon-like stuff.**_

_So I sincerely hope you enjoyed this… It took me seven hours of deliberation to write the kissing scene… Please tell me what you think!_

_-braces herself for major flaming-_

_-Sam_


	14. Chapter 14

A few weeks the incident, I was still uncomfortable and a little embarrassed around Nny.

He kept_ staring _at me, until I locked myself in my room for hours on end.

The weird thing was, I didn't feel violated. I could go so far as to say… I had _liked _it.

The thought of the experience was strangely invigorating. I obsessed over this, exactly _why_ it had occurred, _when_ did I decide I did not hate it, and _where_ was this going to go?

Because I knew that with Nny, it would not be a one-time thing.

God damn, was I _confused_. Fuck, I was more than confused. I was like a wild animal trapped in a corner. I didn't know what to do. At all. All I could do was stare into space and wonder, _why, why, why?_

I hated Nny for not making me hate him. I hated myself for not hating Nny.

And I especially hated myself for not feeling sullied. It would have been easier if I had felt tainted.

Why didn't I feel violated- was I just stupid, or was I blind?

I needed time alone- away from the apartment, but Nny was now very careful of watching me to assure I stayed indoors. It was driving me crazy.

Sitting on my place on the bed, I stared out the window at the sunlight, my eyes burning from being open too long. I closed them and sighed, rubbing them gently with my fingers.

Then, I _screamed._

It wasn't a high-pitched girly squeal, a loud roar of indignant frustration and rage coming from my depths.

This wasn't short. It went… On and on. My throat was raw.

When my noise ceased, I collapsed backwards onto my bed, feeling a little dizzy.

Nny stepped into the room. 'Blood? What the hell was that?'

'I don't feel great, Nny,' I replied, feeling grateful for his presence.

Why did I feel like that? _'You care about him,'_ Zavé said. No- I couldn't care for him. It was unthinkable. He just wanted that so that he could take advantage of me and use me for bad purposes.

I snarled at Nny, flinching away from him into a corner.

'I thought that you didn't do that anymore,' he muttered, giving me an odd, tired look.

'You're trying to contaminate me- make me full of filth and sin, like you!' I snapped.

'Huh?' His eyes didn't flash. He was tired, clearly, otherwise he would have been on me like an angry wasp by now.

Instead of responding, I got up and shoved him.

He didn't say anything, just gave me a sorrowful look, which made me even angrier.

'Fight, you little bitch!' I sneered. 'What, you scared?'

I punched him, then kicked him in the shins. He fell to the floor and curled into a ball as my blows hit him, again and again.

I yelled and cussed and kicked, but nothing made him move.

'Come on- beat me up, fight me, cause me more agony! Go ahead, I know you want to, Nny!' I scorned.

Nothing.

I kicked him one more time, making a hollow noise in his back, and sat back onto my bed. I glared at his backside, now dusted with my footprints.

'Get up, you shit,' I barked.

Nothing.

Suddenly, I felt overwhelmed by a sense of upset.

I slipped my shoes on, ran down the hall, and out the front door.

…

I wandered along the streets, people bustling by. It was the day, and I stuck out a bit, due to my dark clothes and scars, which were very visible as I was wearing a T-shirt with no sweater.

Questioning glances were constant, and I kept my head down, feeling persecuted. Fuck, was this annoying.

After a few more minutes, I decided I could look for something to entertain me while confined in my apartment.

Stepping into a movie rental store, I looked around quietly. The place was rather busy, but not unbearably so. I received more penetrating gazes in the store, but ignored them efficiently.

As I wandered past a man who appeared to be in his 30s, he coughed.

Not a cough, a nasty little sneer of, '_Ugly.'_

My head whipped to glare at them, my eyes blazing.

'_What did you say, you little punk?'_

There was nobody there. What the hell?

I received multiple odd looks from the surrounding people, which were met with a sharp look from me. They quickly diverted their gazes to other things, but I knew I was being watched now. I decided it would be best to leave.

I hissed to myself, stepping into an alleyway and leaning against the wall, feeling stressed. I wasn't surprised when I felt my eyes start to sting with frustrated tears.

Suddenly, strong hands gripped me and a voice hissed, 'Don't move. At all.'

It wasn't Nny, and it wasn't Alec. In fact, it sounded a lot like the voice in the movie store.

'_Let go,'_ I snapped.

I heard a click, then cold metal on my temple. This guy had a loaded gun.

'Come with me, or we're going to have a bit of a problem.'

He pulled me none too gently, and I tentatively followed awkwardly in a head lock.

We were going farther into the alleys, a maze of them everywhere.

Three other men were waiting farther in, all grinning ghoulishly.

'Good prize,' the one in the middle laughed, lighting a cigarette.

What was happening?

My fearful gaze lit on the man who was holding me. He seemed to see my thoughts. 'Eh, no, we ain't gonna rape you, girl, but we know of the guy who's keepin' you, see- we don't like him. An' we know he likes _you._ You're his bitch, see? And we can use you to get him to quit killin' us.'

One of the three men across from him laughed. 'Yeah, then, we can get around to killing _him.'_

So, Nny had upset a gang- I was unsurprised, judging by the amount of people he'd killed, but the fact they'd discovered him was shocking. Nobody _found _him, _he_ found _them_.

The guy who was holding me continued. 'Anyways, we're gonna keep ya locked up, see? Then you're gonna make a fine prize to ransom for this guy's life.'

I growled, and that greeted a punch in the face.

I fell to the ground, and wiped blood from my face. 'Take it from here, boys,' he muttered, and stalked off.

The three grabbed me, and although I fought, kicking them in the genitalia several times, I was tied up before I knew it.

Then, a bash to the head, and it went dark.

…

_Love_

_Something perceived as complicated, confusing, and full of mystery, but it is merely lust. Nothing more, nothing less. It is a common fantasy that everything is as complicated and intricate as the spider's web, but, however desirable albeit it may be, it is not so. When your heart is 'broken,' you believe you will never go on, but you do, trudging endlessly, a slave to your mind, craving only companionship, or, 'love.'_

_This companionship never lasts._

…

I woke up tied to a chair, a lamp over me, a guy sitting in front of a desk, like a police officer.

He snapped a finger, and my eyes opened enough to see clearly.

It was a guy. A nondescript person, with dark brown hair and sunken-in eyes. He looked to be in his forties, and wore quite a lot of bling.

I tried to speak, but no sound would come out. The guy just sat there, staring at me, trying to desperately move.

That's when the pain set in.

Fire, everywhere- fire. A blazing pain of smouldering lava, burning me from the inside out.

I tried to scream, but couldn't.

Finally, words managed to come out. '_Why does it HURT! ?_ Make it stop, please, please,' I begged, sobbing.

'We put some drugs in you. They won't kill you, but I've got the antidote,' he sneered, holding up a little vial.

'Please,' I implored. 'What do you want from me?'

'Johnny C's location.'

'I thought… you knew that!' I screeched, the burning fluctuating. I spasmed, and felt like throwing up.

'No, we don't. Please, do stop screaming.'

I couldn't. It hurt too much.

He got up, gently tipped my head back, and poured a bit of the vial into my mouth. The fire instantly receded a bit, but still lanced through me like a hellish firework show.

'Now,' he said. 'Where is Johnny C.?'

'I won't… tell you,' I gasped hoarsely through the pain.

'This will have to be difficult, yes?' he murmured.

'Nny- I would never… betray him!' I barked.

'Oh, but he tortured you. Can't you see your scars? Or are you blind? Or just plain stupid?'

'No- he's different,' I wheezed. 'He- he cares… He tries to stop… Hurting me. I know he doesn't… Want to hurt me.'

'What about all the others?'

'They… Deserve it.'

'How selfish of you, Kiera.'

'I… Don't have time… For pity or sympathy. In… A world like this… Only you and… The people you love matter.'

'So you _love_ Johnny?'

'I… Don't know. But I know… I'd never… Let you kill him.'

'That doesn't explain the huge love bite on your neck_.'_

'So… what if I care… for him? He is… a good person… deep down.'

'If we killed him, you'd be _free.'_

'I'm… Never free. Nny… Has given me a reason. To… Live and fight. To… Look forward to the next day.

He… May not have meant to do… that, but… everything… is better. I may… still hate myself… and life, but… I have… _Meaning._ And… that's all I ever… Wanted.'

'How sweet,' he chuckled. 'But, I'm afraid that won't save your little boyfriend. You see, he tends to kill our members, and sometimes our clients, and it has a bad effect on business. When word gets out that the customers are dying, well, you know. Business goes.'

'I… don't care,' I breathed. 'Let.. Me out of this chair!'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot do that,' he said, leering evilly at me.

I was too weak to hold my head up.

I fell limp as he injected me with more liquid fire.

…

Where was she?

Where did she go?

Nny couldn't stop thinking this, feverishly. Ever since the incident, his twisted mind was corrupted, obsessing over Blood. He was full of affection, yet not. He wanted to hold her and never let go, but also wanted to kill her and laugh as her eyes grew cold and empty.

'Where is she?' he growled. It had been at least eight hours, and the sky was dark.

Suddenly, a noise, and his ears pricked. A door knock.

He moved the chair carefully out of the way of the door, placing it as thought it were a kitten, knowing Blood's hands had touched it.

He opened the door and peeked through the crack. 'The hell do you want?'

'Oi, man. Take this letter, it's important. Gotta message from the _boss,_ y'know what I'm sayin'?'

'No, I don't 'know what you're sayin'',' I snapped. 'I just lost something important, and I need to find it.'

'Thass' what this letter is for, man.'

H snatched it from him and slammed the door in his face, ripping the envelope open hurriedly.

'_Oh, so your little 'interest' has disappeared, Nny?' _Mr. Eff sneered.

'Shut up, Mr. Fuck,' Nny snapped, his heart thudding strangely. He hadn't been scared for a long time.

_Johnny Chogan,_

_We have Kiera, or Blood, as she is known in your twisted mind. If you do not turn yourselves in to us, we will kill her._

There was a picture, of Blood, screaming, tied to a chair. You could see blood seeping from cuts in her skin, and his grip on the paper tightened, ripping it slightly.

_I am fairly sure you know where we are, as you are quite the well-travelled individual. If you are honestly unaware of our whereabouts, go to any bar- we know you._

Suddenly, the nice script was replaced by a shaky scrawl, barely legible.

_Nny- Nny- Nny- Nny!_

It was Blood's handwriting.

Written in blood.

Nny snarled, and ripped the paper in half, punching the wall and then continuing to attack the rest of the room, yelling and cussing.

After that, he burst out the door, and didn't stop running.

…

_Oh-ho-ho! Plot development! I was working on making the story a lil' more interesting, as I was considering discontinuing it. Lots of emotion in here, and less OOC, I'd love to think._

**Sugar Caki: I hope you liked it! XD Should Nny and Blood kiss again, it will probably be somewhat more painful. :3**

**Crazychic111: Hmm, is that a bad thing, or good thing? Your choice. I personally find the psychological warfare fascinating.**

**Ley the Homicidal Maniac: I'm gonna take a wild guess and say… It wasn't horrible, just bad enough to kill you?**

**TheBrokenChild: I admit, I'm confused. I forgot which voice was which.**

**Kawaii miku 13: Cheese cake… nummaw.**

**Cheeto-ScorpioDimagram: Dude, you have Tourettes? That's kinda cool. Was it a good thing, your tourettes going crazy in that last part? Or was it so bad you had a seizure? O.o**

**D.G. BlackWolf: Well, it wouldn't really be JTHM if it wasn't kinda violent-but-sexual. It can't be like *smack* 'Oh, ha, ha, we kissed, we're together now.'**

**Naww, we gotta have some mental clashes, man. And I'm glad you listened to the song, that chapter just doesn't flow w****ithout it.**


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N:__**A VERY SERIOUS WARNING:**_

**There is rape in this chapter, and it is described in detail. I will disregard flames. The rating of the story will be changed to 'M' as of this chapter. Again, flames WILL NOT be taken seriously, I will delete them. If you find described rape offensive or disturbing, please skip that part of the story.**

_-on a less serious note- _

_I am so sorry that the last chapter was completely underlined, I did _not_ do that, Fanfiction tends to be kind of glitchy and does that. Anyways, the problem is fixed now, and you can go back and read the chapter without the underline now._

_Again, sorry about that._

…

I had broken. I'd told them where Johnny lived- I was going to be responsible for his death.

'Now, how do you think Johnny would attack us?'

I whimpered, and received a punch across the face. This was different from Johnny- he wasn't a specialist in torture. He caused pain, what you thought would be unendurable agony. Sure, it hurt a lot, and he knew how to make you bleed, just not enough to kill. Nny was an expert of killing- not interrogating.

I had been left in the chair since arrival, I don't know how long. Currently, I was staring at the floor. I was too weak to lift my head anymore, the burning drug always coursing through me.

Sometimes I'd twitch or shudder. Sometimes I tried to hold my breath and pass out. It never worked.

They would continually ask questions, but I couldn't talk anymore. I couldn't scream.

'How would Johnny attack us?'

Another needle hit my arm, and I started shaking, filled with energy. Adrenaline- I had had to take this before at one point in my life, but not an amount like _this._

'I'm _not_ going to tell you,' I hissed, and earned a clubbing on the head.

God, I hoped Nny would arrive soon… Or that I would die before then.

The liquid fire- they injected more. My arm was riddled with puncture marks, and I knew that if I pushed them, they would have to stop or I would die of overdose.

The adrenaline faded quickly, and I slumped down again.

They went to inject me again, and the guy who Zavé had nicknamed Kess said, 'Stop. You all can leave now.'

The men obeyed and left. I could hear their footsteps, then the door closing.

I hung my head, and suddenly I was untied, shoved on to the floor.

Kess leaned over me and smiled sweetly. 'Since you can't lift your head anymore, we will have to keep you like this so that we can see if you are lying or not.'

'F-fuck you…' I whispered.

Suddenly, I saw him smirk. 'Oh, so you still have spirit? I suppose that we need that to change.'

I thought that there was more injections coming, until I saw him undoing his belt.

_No. NO. NO!_

He slipped his pants off, then his boxers.

'_Run!' _Zavé screamed.

'No,' I sobbed. 'Don't- get away from me!'

'_Kiera, I'm your friend, I'm here, just… Don't listen to Noir!'_

He pulled my pants down, and thrust hard, the agony lancing all through me, and extracting a soul-shattering screech.

'You're tight,' Kess hissed. 'Is this your first time?'

I could feel myself ripping, and it was the worst pain I had ever experienced. Even worse than any knife.

He slipped his hands under my shirt, violently plunging repetitively into me, bringing my blood to splatter everywhere.

Screaming in pain and desecration, he laughed at my pleas.

His pace increased, and I tried to drag myself away, being awarded with a punch in the stomach. My screams turned into gurgling, and I choked, winded, as he finished.

He cleaned the blood from his member using a Kleenex, and threw it on to me.

'Here. Wash yourself. You're all bloody and disgusting.'

…

Zavé was still yelling on my head. I lay in a small pool of my own blood, my spirit… Broken. Shattered.

'_Kiera, you're fine, aren't you? You always pull through everything. Nny is going to come get us. We'll be fine.'_ She sent me images of him hugging me, and sobbing into his shirt.

I knew that couldn't happen- touching Nny was something I just didn't do, except for my father's death.

A sudden thought crossed my mind. Oh, god, what if I became _pregnant! ?_ What the _hell_ would I do?

Zavé whispered, '_Calm down.'_

She usually didn't try this hard at all. Was she developing a new personality?

'_I'm not Zavé.'_

Huh?

'_I'm Kestrel.'_

'What are you?'

'_I'm a mouse.'_

'You're like Noir, then.'

'_I'm a mouse, not a rat. I am her opposite side- your kinder, nurturing side. I am here to assist you, as the throes of insanity deepen their effect on you.'_

'I'm not insane.'

'_I will not argue. I am here to help you while you battle this experience.'_

'How can I escape?'

'_I don't know.'_

'Fat fuckin' help you are,' I mumbled.

'_Shush, Kiera- rest. I will be here to guide you when you wake.'_

'I can't.'

She went quiet, and Zavé muttered, '_Wannabe.'_

Noir laughed at me suddenly, and my pain, so all three voices started arguing.

Oh, my… _God._

'Shut up,' I choked, to no avail.

…

Eventually I had fallen asleep, somehow. I woke to the sound of the door crashing open.

My pants were still down, and I weakly tugged them up to cover my bare thighs just enough.

'Having fun?' Kess sneered.

I didn't respond. His buddies weren't with him. I realized, now, that he was actually in his twenties- the light he had been under had etched his face into deeper detail.

I whimpered slightly. I didn't want him to touch me again.

'Well, Kiera, we have found out that your little lover boy Nny is on his way and should be here quite quickly.'

Oh, no.

'No,' I gasped. 'No, please- don't do anything to him.'

'Oh, but I will, after I give you a chance to say your last goodbyes.'

Last goodbyes.. How would I be able to live normally after everything? It had seemed like I'd always known Nny.

Even if I hated him, he had been good to me, in a sense. He'd listened and at least tried to care. I definitely had Stockholm's- how stupid of me. I was so stupid, a cliché idiot getting caught up in your own desperate attempt to find affection in life.

'I hate you,' I said to Kess.

'Is that all you have to say?'

'Yes. I hate you a lot. Please go away.'

'I have to greet our little friend, anyways. Enjoy the painlessness while you can… I'll be back.'

I knew what he meant. Oh, God, did I ever know, to my forever-scarred sexual innocence.

Kestrel said, _'What are you going to do, Kiera?'_

'What _can_ I do? They're going to let me see him, then they'll kill him. I'm weak, and can't walk.'

'_You know that you can get up. I know you know that. The drugs wore off. They were only causing psychological pain- they just cut you for dramatic effect when taking the picture. Get up, Kiera.'_

Why _should_ I get up? What was the point? I wasn't a fighter. I was the kind of person who hid behind her pretend-to-be-tough exterior.

'_You are tough, Kiera. Anybody else would have killed themselves in Nny's prison- but you endured, and came out stronger than anybody else.'_

It was just pep-talk. I couldn't do it.

Zavé suddenly yelled, '_Hey, you fucking whiner! Have you considered that we might want to _live! ?_ Now get the fuck up and _go!'

Noir agreed, for the first time in her existence. _'Go, Blood, you bitch. It's not over yet.'_

Even though they were only voices in my head, I felt thankful.

I twitched my hand, and sat up, ignoring the stabs of pain in my belly and genitalia.

Needles littered the floor and the desk, full of various liquids. Some money was in piles, neatly stacked around the room.

I heard the door click, and I dove back into my position on the floor.

'_-HEY!_ Where is Blood! ? Where-'

Kicking. Screaming.

'You have twenty-four hours,' I heard Kess door shut, and the lock clicked.

'_Let me out! Let me-_' I knew he had seen me.

'Blood?'

Footsteps. Not his steel-toed shoes, but just footsteps.

I saw bare hands waving over me, my half-closed eyes flickering open.

My vision was blurred, but I saw him defensively standing back. 'Blood? What the hell- why do you look like that?

I waited a moment, my vision still fuzzy, then growing clear.

Nny had no shirt on- just black jeans. No shoes, nothing, just black jeans.

He was covered in bruises, probably from my beating on him. He looked very tired, staring at me dully.

'Nny- why are you naked?' I mumbled.

'I was carrying weapons. So they decided to take everything but my pants, because I couldn't keep anything in there. Explain to me what the fuck happened. Now.'

I sat up, and realized my pants were still open. I zipped them up hurriedly, which Nny noticed, but didn't guess what happened.

Thankfully.

'Well..' I mumbled, 'These guys, I was walking, after I beat you up.. A guy, he grabbed me, and took me to three others. Then they were talking about you killing their business… I don't expect you to remember, but it's fairly obvious that this is a drug cartel.'

I looked away from him, ashamed. 'They set me on fire. They did something, and it was like fire, an injection. And they asked me where you were, and I told them… I'm sorry, Nny…'

'It's fine. Tell me the rest.'

I sniffed a bit, avoiding crying. 'They took a picture of me in the chair, then sent someone to give you a letter. They kept trying to interrogate me, but I didn't tell them anything else.'

'Why are you bleeding?'

I shivered. 'No reason.'

'Blood, you're lying to me. And I really fucking hate liars.'

'They cut me.'

'There's too much blood for that- what actually happened?'

I snapped, '_Nothing,_ Nny! Just quit it!'

'Blood, I swear to God, if you don't tell me-'

'I don't _want_ you to know, so I'm not _telling _you. How fucking hard is that to understand?'

He got up and punched me across the face, shocking me. A lot.

'You asshole…' I snarled.

Forgetting about my pain momentarily, I got up and punched him, then tried to jump away from him as he readied himself to beat me. I didn't get far- within moments, the agony befell me again. I fell to the ground, holding the space between my legs and whimpering.

He kicked my back, and punched me, ignoring my screams of pain.

I rolled over, and tried to stop him, but he landed a kick to in between my thighs, opening all worlds of pain, and I writhed, screaming, trying to escape the raw, throbbing nerves.

'No, _no!_ Nny!' he snarled and laughed, then kicked me there again.

He stopped, suddenly, stepping back.

His toes were slightly stained in still-fresh blood.

'You make me _sick,'_ I snarled, trying to drag myself away from his horrified expression.

'They-'

'Don't say it,' I interrupted. 'Just… Don't.'

Silence ensued, and stopped trying to drag myself away for a moment, then feebly pulled myself, pain lancing through me.

'I hate you, Nny.'

'Huh?'

'I hate you. I hate everything. I hate… I hate it all.' I picked myself up, staggering to my feet, and showed him my arms.

'Riddled with holes like a crack addict. Riddled with scars like a reject of society. I am _nothing._ Riddled with pain, and no caring from _anyone. _I'm _trapped_ in this fucking circle, and will be until the day I die.'

With eyes full of pain, he muttered, 'I care.'

'How can you be so sure?' I snarled. 'Just moments ago, you were beating me! Just kill me- kill me now!'

I gestured to the desk, where knives and drugs lay. 'Those are the tools of your trade. Go ahead, hurt me- I know you want to! I see it in your eyes, all the time. Then you decide to _kiss _me! Am I a joke to you? A big, fat, fucking hilarious joke? I don't _like_ being confused! I don't _like_ it when you're trying to fuck me over! Come on, do it- kill me!'

'Blood,' he choked.

I stepped forward, urging a stab of pain and ignoring it. My voice was growing louder. 'I've been trying so hard to do what I can, and all you bother with is do what you want and kill people! Did you realize at _all_ that a _person_ can't be a fucking _pet! ?_ Did you realize at _all_ that every day, things get _worse! ?_ Yeah, so, I got some meaning- fan-fucking-tastic! I can't _do_ anything with it!'

I collapsed backwards onto the floor, and sobbed emptily. 'I can't… I can't. I just… Can't, Nny. I don't know what to do anymore.'

I said in a strangled voice, 'They _raped_ me. They took my virginity. Something- the one thing- I wanted to be special in my life. The one thing that _I_ alone could keep control of. And it's gone.'

Nny sat down, and held me gently. 'Blood.. No, you're Kiera. You're a very precious Kiera, and I promise that it was _not_ your virginity that he took. He merely took your _belief_ that you are a virgin.'

I tried to escape the cradle of his arms, but he pulled me closer, rocking me like a child.

Uselessly laying limp, I mumbled, 'I don't know what to do.'

'We'll figure it out eventually.'

…

'_Kiera,'_ Kestrel whispered. _'Wake up. You can't sleep.'_

'Why? I want to,' I murmured. I had only slept for about fifteen minutes.

'_You need to make a plan to escape.'_

'But Nny's here, he'll do something.'

'_He will need your help, Blood. Use Zavé- listen to what she says.'_

Zavé was a beast, a very angry individual who did not care for much. She was animalistic, and frequently told me to do violent things. For the most part, I ignored her.

'Blood?' I heard Nny say. 'I mean, Kiera.'

'I don't care what you call me,' I said.

'Who were you talking to, just now?' he asked.

'You,' I lied.

'You were talking _about_ me, not _to_ me.'

'Kestrel. She's a new… Addition to the collection of voices in my head.'

'Ah.'

I tried to get up, but Nny held me back again. I blushed. I'd been sleeping in his arms? Tre cliché.

'Nny, I feel… Weird.'

'Like what?'

'I'm not really sure. I just feel very strange, and conflicted.'

'Hmm,' he mumbled.

Suddenly, I blurted out, 'Can I have a hug?'

He laughed. 'A little blunt of you, but yes, you may.'

I reluctantly pulled myself into his arms, feeling a little awkward, but good nonetheless.

…

_I swear to God, this story gets worse and stupider every chapter… Ugh…_

**Sugar Caki: I'm pretty sure ham doesn't come from sheep. And Johnny probably won't get slaughtered. Funfact: I hate it when people kill their main characters off, especially when you spend three hours reading a 40,000 word story. :l In a oneshot, okay- you're not really attached. In a story? I mind very much. I read a fic yesterday which was very good until she was raped, went insane, and Johnny tried to commit suicide with her.**

**The catch: only one bullet. Which he used on her, first, of course. Did he run home and kill himself? No, he went to a coffee shop and met Devi. Which pissed me off even more, because that meant it went from this awesome love story to the usual shit.**

**Ley the Homicidal Maniac: I assure you the next chapter is 'hot,' as I actually had to take the end of this chapter and make it the beginning because I've hit over 3,000 words and my average is 2,100. Wait, wait… No, it's 2,600, with the extra bit it was 3,000. I didn't like writing the rape section, but for the next little bits, it has to be done. I assure you, things will be getting very hot and fluffy very quickly.**

**Kawaii miku 13: I am confused by this review. Cupcakes+Cake=Relevance to Chapter? O_o Well, I'm failing math class anyways. (as you all know from my previous note..)**

**Crazychic111: *main character killing hate* Ever watched Wolf's Rain? There was five main characters. THEY ALL DIED as a sacrifice for the world. Did I find it sweet and inspiring? No, I was like 'watching all 26 episodes of this was a fucking waste of my time.'**

**So, no, don't worry, this story will be very cliché and have some semblance of a happily-ever-after.**

**If it has a bad ending… you know what that means… SEQUEL!**

**Cheeto-ScorpioDimagram: I'm not even trying to decipher this review. O.o I was up late last night finishing Chapter 14, so I'm kinda wiped right now.**

**Invaderrusty221:Violence is good. And making your friends read my story. Now, if you get them to **_**review,**_** we might have somethin' going, here…**


	16. Chapter 16

When I broke the contact, I said sadly, 'I don't want to die.'

'I thought you did.'

'Not any more. I don't want to die.'

'I'll protect you, Kiera. I promise.'

I smiled at him, tears running down my face. 'Nny…'

'Yes?'

'Never mind.'

It was quiet, and I sat there, feeling my conflict.

I curled into a ball, my forehead in my knees. I wanted food and water. Dragging myself over to a money pile, I made something of a bed out of it, and gestured to Nny.

'I don't want to sleep,' he replied to my motioning.

'I don't want to be alone.'

He gave me a strange look, almost like pity, then came to sit next to me.

Zavé said, _'Sit up. Pay attention to escape routes.'_

I did as she told me to, looking around. There was only one door to escape through in the very large room. It was a supply room with a concrete floor, a single desk littered with drugs, a lamp, and a chair.

And bloodstains, which made me shudder, feeling sick to my stomach.

'Nny,' I said, 'Zavé wants us to escape.'

'Who is Zavé?'

'She's one of the voices. Tells me to kill people.'

'How will we escape?'

'Zavé says to kill the people when they enter.'

'There is a good chance we will be killed- they have guns,' Nny said, giving me a look as though I was stupid.

'It would be better than just _dying,'_ I replied.

'Good point.'

I thought for a moment, and then said, 'We _both_ need to sleep and gain our strength if this is to work.'

'I don't want to sleep,' Nny grumbled, irritated.

'Nny, come on-'

'No.'

'Well… Can I try something?' I murmured slyly.

'Like what?'

I leaned forward and kissed him.

His eyes widened, but eventually, he returned the kiss, deepening it and slipping his arms around me.

'This won't make me sleep,' he growled.

I tipped his head back gently, kissing his neck.

My gaze over his chest, thin and non-muscled. You could see his ribs, but they weren't painfully obvious. His skin was tanner than you would think, actually.

Suddenly, his head snapped up, and he rolled so that I was underneath him, kissing me roughly.

'If I sleep, will you sleep?' I asked.

'Fine,' he growled, nipping at my jaw.

He rolled off of me, and I curled up, facing away from him, not wanting to impose too much on his personal space.

Instead, this greeted his arm flung over me, and a murmur of, 'Precious, precious Kiera. I will not let them hurt you any more.'

I snuggled up as closely as I dared, and then went to sleep without any mercy from my thoughts.

…

I awoke to Nny sleeping beside me peacefully. I knew he was dead to the world from his deep, even breaths.

I slowly crept out from under his arm, then got up. My pants were stiffened from the dried blood, making it a little hard to move.

Humming slightly, I mumbled, 'Tut-tut,' when I saw the knives left out on the desk. They would prove to be useful in Nny and I attempting to escape.

I looked over my shoulder at the sleeping young adult, and then back to the knives. The smaller ones would be good for his throwing arm. The larger ones would probably prove useful for my more inexperienced hand in close-up combat.

I looked around for other weapons, and only found knives, with a gun that had one bullet.

Idly, I hoped Sierra was okay. She was smart- she'd find a way to get food.

Tired and sore, I looked over at Nny again, who was still sleeping peacefully. I realized, suddenly, I'd never seen him sleeping before- that I remembered, anyways.

I moved the knives away from the desk and kneeled on the floor, sorting them carefully. Big knife, little knife, in-between knife. _Why do they have so many knives?_ I wondered. _Maybe they used them for drugs or something._

'_You'll never escape,'_ Noir sneered.

'Fuck off,' I growled at her.

'_You're weak, now- Kess has left you broken. You're pathetic. Nothing but a whiny lump of shit.'_

'I'm better than that, Noir.'

'_How are you so sure? Maybe you're just self-centered, or, worse, delusional and destined to always fail in life or death.'_

That struck a nerve. I ignored her and concentrated very, very hard on my work.

It was torture to sit and wait for my rapist to return, with possible reinforcements. I doubted there would be many, as they were supposed to get Nny, who without weapons, couldn't do a lot. Nny sure as hell was strong with a good fist, but against the thugs working for Kess, he wouldn't have a chance.

'Zavé?' I said.

'_Yes?'_

'I need you to tell me what to do when everything goes down.'

'_I will. I planned on it anyways.'_

I remembered, idly, the first time Zavé ever talked- I couldn't remember if it was before or after Noir, I just remembered sitting alone in my room, and suddenly hearing her voice for the first time.

We had been something like comrades for a long time, neither friends nor foes.

I picked up a knife, fascinated by it. How did someone get the idea? Why?

None of that mattered, however. I had to focus on one thing, and one thing only- saving myself, and Nny.

I imagined myself fighting, and cutting them. Grim pleasure at the thought flooded me, and I twitched, my grimace growing into a sadistic grin.

Shaking enveloped me, my imagination running wild. Violence, knives, and blood, and I let out a raspy little laugh.

I slammed the knife down, probably breaking the tip on the floor, and roared with malevolent mirth.

It was hilarious- everything. The desires, the hate, the lack of understanding- all related to _violence. _Or lack thereof.

I remembered as a younger kid, wanting to kill everything, everyone, suddenly realizing the likeness Nny and I shared. The only difference was, Nny _acted_ on it.

Well, this was my chance to let my true colours show and have one hell of a time with it.

'Blood?' It was Nny. I'd woken him up.

My laughter ceased immediately, and I turned around to face him. 'Jeez, sorry, Nny, I didn't mean to wake you up.'

'No, no, it's fine- why were you laughing? What happened?'

'Just having a bit of a conceptual grasping moment.'

'How grand. What was it about?'

'I'm just fucked up, is all, and I just realized how truly fucked up I am.'

'Mmm, that's a bit of a broad concept. Enlighten me.'

I motioned to the knife, then picked it up. The tip was fine, save slightly bent. 'I held it in my hands, and imagined hurting people. Their blood, their soft flesh-' I shuddered with the sick pleasure again. '-and I was filled with utter bloodlust. Something, I am fairly sure, any normal human shit would not experience.'

I cracked my knuckles. 'Nonetheless, they will be coming, and I am… Looking forward to hurting them.' A twisted smile carved itself into my features.

'You're interesting, Blood, but I'm wondering when you became this warped.'

'Not sure. But we should get ready, nonetheless, we have a bit of a battle to fight, don't we?'

'According to you and your sleep-voice, yes- yes, we do.'

I stared at the knife again, then shuddered and threw it to the side. I would have paced, but my inner-thigh regions were still too tender.

Plus, I had to save that for the battle- I couldn't get myself all pain-ridden before the fight.

'Are you going back to sleep?' I asked Nny.

'Fuck no, why the hell would I do that?' Typical answer from him.

Then, a sigh. 'I wish I had my shirt. I _really_ don't like not having my boots, gloves, or shirt.'

'You're not really one to complain about stuff like that,' I laughed.

'I know. But there's nothingness right now, and it bothers me.'

I sat back, staring into space some more. 'You may want to prepare yourself. I'm shit at throwing knives.'

Hearing the undoubtedly immediate rustle, he walked over and looked at my collection of sharp edges.

'These aren't so bad,' he remarked. 'A little dull, but they're okay.'

The solitude was unnerving, just me and Nny alone in a room- mind you, not in a dirty way, but a strange, comrade way.

'_Time to go to sleep, forever, Blood,'_ Noir sang.

'I refuse!' I snapped. 'I will _not_ bow to you and your pathetic notions of demise, Noir- I will live, and I swear that before I breathe my last breath, I will be rid of you!'

'_How grand,'_ she replied dryly.

'I will destroy you, and rub your filthy stain from my mind someday,' I whispered.

'You need to work on not talking out loud,' Nny commented.

'Well, I'll be damned if I'm not in a bad mood right now, Nny. Well, actually, I'm already probably damned- you get what I mean, though.'

'Hmm, I can agree with that to some extent- what with all that occurred.'

I sat, pinching the bridge of my nose. 'Something's fucked up- I can't figure it out, and I can't fix it.'

'_Everything's_ fucked up. That's just how it is,' he answered.

'I understand that, but something within me is fucked up, more than the rest, tipping the scale just the tiniest bit out of balance- but enough to make a difference.'

'_Just kill yourself,'_ Noir said. _'That'll fix it.'_

I ignored her.

Actually, I was quite bored, so I went and did what I used to do when I was bored.

I lay on the floor, put my hand up in the air, and waited for the blood to run out.

Nny walked over and toed me gently. 'What exactly are you doing?

'I am amusing myself. The 'do not disturb' sign is on,' I replied.

'You know, you sometimes actually manage to creep me out. You do the most random, stupid shit that I've ever seen anyone do, but somehow survive to not be a bitch.'

'Well, after being called a bitch God-knows-how-many-times by my dad and others, I kind of decided to prove I would be the least-bitchiest female on the Earth.'

'Well, you succeed quite well, but not flawlessly- but, of course, flaws are what make things _interesting._'

I nodded, staring at my hand and trying to wiggle my fingers. I dropped it to the floor, and stared up into the black nothingness.

Then, I picked myself up into a sitting position and stared at the door. I really hated it, a lot- that door was the only way out, and it was locked.

I got up and limped over to the door, trying to open it weakly. It wouldn't open, just as I had expected. I snarled under my breath, a growl resembling a canine.

'_We're going to kill them,' _Zavé whispered.

'Yes, yes, we will,' I replied, licking my lips in anticipation. I wanted to see blood.

Lately, my mood swings had been outlandishly often- I wasn't sure _why,_ but at least I didn't stay in a depressed conundrum for days on end.

Instead, it would turn into lust- or bloodlust, either way, it didn't particularly matter. The feeling were essentially the same. Maybe I had a blood fetish or something. That would be something that I could figure out at a better time, though.

'Shit, I need some music,' I whined.

'Why music? There's more important things going on.'

'I need to be in… 'The zone.' I don't take drugs. Music is my drug.'

'Poetic. We have more important things to focus on, Blood.'

Suddenly, I heard footsteps, and ran across the room to stand next to Nny, who was busily picking up knives.

I picked up two of my own, and waited for the door to burst open.

I heard the lock click.

The door creaked as a cautious person slowly opened it. Suddenly, they were shoved through by impatient companions.

Before they could turn to face us, Nny had thrown a knife.

They fell, shrieking, and I laughed as multiple people surged through like a tide of individuals.

I waited till they were around Johnny and I in a circle, and we stood, back to back.

'On my count,' Johnny hissed. 'One, two…'

Before he counted _three,_ Zavé hissed, '_Go! Now.'_

I leapt forward, screaming bloody murder, and slashed someone's belly open. They fell, and shots rang out. I was moving too quickly, however, and all shots missed me.

Hearing other screeches of pain and yells, I knew Nny was hitting his marks easily. I slashed someone's hand off, then someone else's throat open.

I had no experience with knives, but you do what you have to do when the time comes.

Of course, I held no _regrets_ about killing these shits- they were responsible for a permanent loss of my innocence, drugging me up worse than any hobo, and, of course, making other people's lives miserable for their own selfish ideals.

I laughed and snarled as I tore another person's throat open.

'_Behind you!'_ Zavé snapped.

I whirled around just as he leapt to stab me, but missed- I pierced him in the small of his back.

He didn't get up.

With the screams of the men, more arrived, confused by the sounds of their deaths.

'_Get a gun,'_ Zavé hissed. _'You won't last in close-hand forever, especially with such shitty reflexes.'_

'Bitch,' I muttered, but swooped quickly to grab a deceased person's handgun.

With the grace of a newborn kitten, I wildly rang off five shots, and then got hit in the eye by the recoil.

I dropped the gun and held a hand to my eye, looking wildly for a knife, a gun- anything.

There. A knife.

I picked it up, and whirled around in time to see a guy aiming at me. I quickly rolled to the side, and then felt agony lance me as my tender genital region protested violently.

Ignoring the pain, however, I ripped at his leg and watched him fall, screaming, as his tendon was slashed in half.

Johnny and I were back-to-back again.

'Hey, we're pretty lucky,' I hissed. 'We didn't get sh-'

Before I could finish my sentence, a sudden flash of agony blasted my side. I looked over, in a daze, to see a gun-wielder.

Nny snarled, and whipped a knife into his chest.

'Come on, Blood- run. _Run!'_

I couldn't. I was shell-shocked, standing there, looking at my newly acquired orifice.

'For fuck's sakes,' Johnny howled, exasperated.

I shook my head, then tried to focus. It was torture to focus on fighting and staying on my feet at the same time, but I managed.

Slowed considerably, however, I did my best to keep on moving.

I couldn't run, but I picked up another gun and rang off four more shots, far more careful this time.

Suddenly, though, I looked down to see someone burying a knife in my leg.

It was all I could take- I collapsed, and lay uselessly, struggling to move.

Before I could get up, Nny grabbed me and got us the hell out of there, right as I passed out.

…

_A long time it took for me to write this… I've been soooo tired, and school is really getting to me. I started this when I was super-sick with mono, so the updates will probably slow a little._

_I'll try to update every… Say… Sunday? And if I finish a chapter before then, I'll post it. It'll probably be fairly irregular, though._

**Ley the Homicidal Maniac: Rape is bad. Don't do it. Aand, the random hug thing would have made sense, but I cut the chapter off there and made it into this one.**

**Criminally Insane Angel: I missed you~ An' chocolate it good. And it is very advanced.**

**Kawaii miku 13: I think marrying paper would be difficult. When you had sex, you'd get all cut up.**

**TheBrokenChild: Lazy ass. And your story confuses me. It's like, 12 at night, anyways.**

**Thunder's Winged Heart: You're a wonderful mother. O.o And it's probably going to get fluffy… Not really sure.**


	17. Chapter 17

Nny slung Blood over his shoulder and got the hell _out_ of there. The idiot- why did she have to _jinx_ them like that? !

'You _fucking_ moron,' he snarled, running through the halls, dodging bullets. He never got shot- he was practically invincible, somehow, the way he always escaped.

'Shit- _shit,_' he cursed, as he burst outside. It was night- the stars twinkled maliciously at him, almost as though they were laughing at his fear.

'_You should have driven,__'_ D-Boy sneered. _'__Otherwise your oh-so-precious object of affection wouldn__'__t be in danger.__'_

'Fuck you,' he snapped.

After everything- the _rape,_ the _cuts,_ the _drugs-_ wouldn't whatever pathetic omnipotent being that could possibly exist have had enough?

Apparently, no, to his chagrin and fury.

Her apartment was closer than his house- he had to give in to chance that there would be correct medical supplies.

Left, right, left- he knew the way by heart, somehow.

_The fury, the rage, the anger__…__ Follow, follow. Listen. No, no, no!_

Nny's mind was fast-paced, churning out unintelligible word sequences constantly.

Suddenly, he heard the screeching of car wheels, and he looked over his shoulder to see a black limo following them.

Shit.

Nny knew that he would have to fight tooth and nail. They wouldn't leave without some bloodshed.

Placing Blood down like a fragile glass case, he whipped his fingers into claws out and stood protectively over her.

Multiple people spilled from the car, and he immediately leapt forward, screaming a blue streak riddled with swear words and senseless insults.

He tore someone's stomach open with a practiced hand before they could even react, and they fell, the glassy-eyed look of death falling on them like a ton of bricks.

It was beautiful, and sweet like a cherry Brainfreezy.

His laughter turned to snarls as he ripped another individual's throat open.

Nny was lucky that he had practiced this- otherwise, he would never have been able to fight them.

'Have fun in Hell,' he laughed, as he snapped someone's neck with an experienced demeanour.

'Anyone else want to try me? Come on,' he giggled 'I can take way more than this- is this your best?' He looked over their shocked expressions. 'C'mon- I'm a guy wearing only _pants, _for God's sakes. You seriously can't hit me?'

He smirked. 'Pathetic. You're just as annoying as ingrown hairs.'

With this, Nny turned, picked up Blood, and darted off before they knew what the hell had hit them.

…

He placed Blood down on the carpet after opening the door- he'd left it unlocked in his haste to find her.

Nny looked around, scowling a bit. There wasn't really much he could use for fixing her wounds up. His nakedness, however, was taking priority in his thoughts.

Crossing the room, he picked up one of the shirts she'd left lying around and pulled it over his head. It was rather effeminate-looking, sure, but he really didn't appreciate walking around half-naked- it just wasn't his thing.

He crossed the room again and then moved Blood to the couch. He hoped that it wasn't particularly precious to her, he noted, as her body fluids steadily stained it within seconds.

'Blood, Blood,' he mumbled, shaking his head. 'You do the most dull-witted, unintelligent things that I have ever seen, sometimes.'

He was thinking of all the things she'd done- found that little puppy she insisted on keeping, fallen down a flight of stairs, cut herself, laughed and cried at the same time, and ripped a piece of paper to shreds after she'd spent four hours drawing on it. Of course, the paper-ripping was because she was tired and had misplaced a single line.

With that recollection, he smirked, then slowly twisted to move to the bathroom, and rifled through the drawers and cupboards.

So, she had some semblance of decent medical objects- bandages and disinfectant, mostly.

Nny found tweezers, the one most important thing. With the bullet still in there, no matter what he did, it wouldn't matter. The wound couldn't possibly heal well with a hunk of metal enclosed within it.

He stepped back into the other room, and carefully lifted her shirt up. Not too far- he didn't want to subject his eyes to anything… Vulgar.

There. The wound was not looking particularly good- it was angry and torn, crusted blood plugging the trickling ooze.

The young man pried the hardened blood from her skin using the tweezers and cleaned the wound a bit with disinfectant. He looked at the wound, sizing it up, and then decided.

He thrust his hand in, ignoring the hitch of Blood's breath in her unconscious state as his fingers closed on the bullet.

Ripping the slug out, he threw it over his shoulder and pressed a cloth onto the reopened wound. It was a raging torrent of blood, staining the cloth and soaking in between his fingers. He snarled irritably, and ran to the bathroom. He tripped over his feet while grabbing several much larger towels, practically screaming at himself in his head.

With the cloths in hand, he darted back to Blood's side on the couch, shoving towel after towel onto the gushing river of blood flowing from her side.

…

Self-awareness. How strange.

And pain? I hadn't felt that in… Ever. I was a separate entity, in a sense, but also, I was not.

'Please stop touching me,' I said to the foreign hands on my side. They retracted immediately, a wet something or other peeling off slowly.

With that, I sat up and viewed my body. It was odd- I had wounds already, one of which was spurting blood violently. I frowned at this- the surge of crimson fluid definitely wasn't healthy.

I was lanced with scars, as well. That couldn't be good- I couldn't remember much yet, which probably wasn't a good thing either.

I looked at my hands. Hmm, they weren't paws or claws. They were just hands. I had other limbs, legs and arms and toes- and a very, very tender genital region, for some reason. Was this how I was supposed to feel, or was I damaged?

Looking over at the individual whom had just been dealing with my injuries, I noted that he was male, and viewing me with a suspicious glint in his eyes.

I ignored him, however, and stared at the back of my hands. _Beautiful,_ I thought, turning my hands over. I hadn't been in control before, no matter how hard I tried.

Then, my gaze snapped back to the male, who was approaching me slowly. I snarled wolfishly, and spun out of my sitting position to perch on the couch. God, that hurt- my wounds were severe, apparently.

'Get away from me,' I snapped. 'I can deal with myself.'

My voice seemed strange. Last I remembered I had no voice- now, I could make _sound._

'Blood?' the male asked. 'What's going on?'

'That's not my name,' I replied. Was it? I really wasn't sure.

'Kiera, then?' he guessed.

'No,' I replied. 'I don't know.'

I did know my name, actually, but as memories that weren't mine slowly trickled back, I knew that if I told him, he would be very upset. He would possibly kill me or find a way to relinquish my control.

_What the hell?_ I heard a little annoying growl somewhere in the back of my mind. _What happened? Why can__'__t I move?_  
Oh, so _that__'__s _what happened.

I chuckled and beat the voice into silence. _I_ was in control- not her.

'Please give me the medical supplies, Johnny,' I said, gesturing fluidly towards the multiple objects on the floor.

'What exactly do you need?'

I pointed at the disinfectant, rolling my eyes testily. Everything felt strange, every movement- even an inhale was a wonder of mixed confusion.

He handed me a bottle of iodine, which I poured onto my cuts, hissing in painful distaste.

With that, I waved towards the roll of bandages, which he then passed to me.

I rolled up my pant leg and then spun the white tape around my stab wound. After that, I rubbed some more iodine on the gunshot cavity. Staring at the wound, I then placed more bandages than was necessary over it. I looked over my handiwork, satisfied that it would suffice and I would not bleed to death. The stab wound would heal by itself- the cut was deep, but nothing vital was damaged.

I got up, my body protesting. I ignored it, feeling a little annoyed. I stretched myself slowly, then walked down the short hall to the room with my bed in it.

I looked through the messy room, and then I spotted the dresser. Rifling through the drawers, I found a new pair of jeans- which were black, of course. I also discovered another black T-shirt with a simple cartoon skull on the front.

_You__'__re an asshole. Get out of my clothes,_ the little voice said.

'Yes, but I'm in control now, am I not?' I replied.

_Fuck you! You stole my power when I was weakened, you god damn cheater!_

'Come, now,' I murmured. 'Surely you can evolve past resorting to cursing a blue streak.'

_You__'__re a bitch,_ the voice snapped.

'Yes, yes I am,' I answered. 'But you can't do anything about it anymore, can you? And I will be working on making your life a living hell for when I decide you can wake up again.'

_I__'__ll take control again soon,_ the voice promised.

'Until then, I can do what I like, and you can merely watch.' I chuckled at this idea, the embarrassing things I could do.

_Don__'__t touch Johnny, or I will kill you_, it hissed.

'How can you kill me? I am merely a more powerful entity.'

The voice roared, and attacked the barrier between our psyches savagely. Ouch- so that was what it had felt like when _I_ did that. Then again, I had been much weaker at that point.

I flicked the voice off of the wall with ease, and laughed at its fury.

Looking around the room, I saw various things- pens, pencils, paints, paintbrushes, and sketchbooks.

I opened one of the said sketchbooks, and flipped through it.

Multiple drawings littered the pages. Doodles of anything, really, were there. Things like dragons, wolves, and swords were commonplace, with notes about due dates and colouring.

When I decided that I had spent long enough trying to amuse myself, I lay back on the bed, grinning to myself I fell asleep for a nap without a problem.

…

'_Nny?'_

I heard the voice from the next room. I was busy scrubbing the couch of blood, after the psychotic amnesiac display Blood had decided to grace me with.

She'd just _forgotten_ who she was, for whatever reason- her eyes were cold, unrecognizing. Like emerald-coloured flint, no spark of distinction between couch and human.

And the way she'd looked at her wounds- it disturbed even _me,_ the way she just lifted her shirt up like there wasn't a gaping, ragged hole in her side.

The method of which she'd approached me wasn't Bloodlike at all- she seemed distant, and unflinching. None of the usual fear she tried to repress around me was present in any way, shape, or form.

Sighing, I stood up and stretched, multiple joints in my back popping. I slunk down the hall, casting a wary gaze at the shadows on the wall.

Stepping into the bedroom, I was presented with a wild-eyed Blood, glaring at everything and anything. 'Where is he,' she mumbled. 'This place- what? How did this happen?'

I strode forward. 'Blood- Are you okay?' I inquired.

Her face twisted into a terrified snarl. 'Kess… Get the hell away from me! You've taken too much!'

Who was Kess? Wasn't that the person who raped her?

'I'm not Kess,' I tried to say.

Her accusing eyes, however, flashed dangerously and I knew that in her current state of mind, talking to her further would probably cause more damage than I could fix.

'You're a liar- you filthy bastard! I have eyes, I can see you!'

She crawled backwards and curled up on the bed, weeping pathetically. 'Go away, Kess. Leave me alone. Stop hurting me.'

I left. Confused and irritated, I wondered exactly how unbalanced and volatile her mind was now. What the hell was going on?

…

All I could _see_ was nothing. Insanity- everything was knives and needles. Kess flashed up constantly, and I couldn't feel _anything_ except fear and dread.

Constantly, the flashes sped through my mind. His face, his laugh, his snarl, his violent words… And actions.

I lay on my bed, staring into space, unblinking. All I could hear was the malicious laughter and my own screams resounding- distant thoughts, yet much closer than I could find bearable.

_Nothing's there,_ I thought frantically. _I'm fine. I'm in my bed, at home, Nny is down the hall- Kess is gone, and I won't lose control again… It won't take over._

What exactly had done that? How the _hell_ had it happened? I remembered the stabbing of my leg, and nothing much in between- just an utter loss of control. I recalled pieces of it clearly. I had been unable to speak, unable to move, only watch my body do what _I_ should have been doing. It was like a pathetically plotted horror movie- unbelievably cliché, but also very difficult to guess what would happen next.

What was going to happen? Would I lose control again, or would I be fine? I shuddered as an involuntary recalling of my memories flooded my mind again.

I couldn't lose control. It just was an unimaginably dire situation to even think of.

My mouth opened, and I tried to call for Nny again without losing it again. I had _known_ somewhere that he wasn't Kess, but I just couldn't make the connections between reality and my fucked-up mind.

I stared at the ceiling again, making note of the little bumps and cracks that I should have been productive enough to fix among my rampant depression, before Nny captured me. Then again, they added a bit of personality to the previous scenario of my life. Man, I'd thought that back _then_ I had been confused.

I had had no idea what the hell was coming next. What a fucking joke _that_ was- like my misery back then had been anything worthy to take note of. Now, I was screwed over a million times worse. Back then, the damage had at least been _repairable-_ now, I would be stuck with my psychotic delusions for life, in all likelihood.

More memories flashed, and my muscles spasmed in ghosts of the terror I'd felt.

_Rape, infinite pain, more than I could imagine…_

_Terror,_ _coursing through me like lava, knowing what's coming…_

There was too much to remember, yet at the same time, not enough. I was confused. No, I was more than confused- perplexed. I was baffled, bewildered, mystified, chaotic and tangled. I couldn't find a word to describe just how incredibly fucked-up I was feeling.

Another flashback swamped my vision. I cried out, curling up and shuddering all over.

Noir laughed, and said, _'Enjoying the movies? I dug them up just for you.'_

So, it was _Noir_ causing this. But what exactly had taken over?

There was one thing, I was sure of, however.

Something was wrong- even more wrong than usual.

But what, exactly, was wrong? _That_ was the most important question out of them all- if I had that answer, I could fix everything.

The flashbacks receded a bit, and I sat up, waiting for a trigger to go off. Suddenly, I wondered, where my dog was.

'Sierra?' I called. 'Sierra, where are you?'

I stood up, and looked around, and suddenly felt a weight on my leg. There she was. She couldn't be too badly off, anyways- it had only been a day or two. I couldn't remember- it could be weeks, for all I knew.

'Hi, baby girl,' I murmured, petting her small head. I sat down again, and she jumped up to lay her head in my lap. She sighed contentedly, her tail wagging.

'Nny!' I snapped. 'Come here!'

I felt like my power over my unstable mind was currently quite decent.

He slunk into my room, giving me a suspicious look.

'I'm fine,' I sighed. 'Involuntarily hallucinated memories tend to make someone's mind go a little askew.'

'What the hell was that, anyways? You didn't recognize me at all- you didn't have any _fear.'_

'Something… Happened. I lost control completely. I don't know what.'

'Well, get a hold on yourself. If that happens again, I may have to do something about it, Blood.'

…

_Omfg… I'm so lazy about writing!_

_Good news: I'm making a webcomic about this story, except it won't have Nny (however, a similar character will be inserted.)_

_It will be about a somewhat different story with a little more of a backstory. The first page is nearly complete!_

_EDIT -link fix-: www. perpetualasylum . webs .com_

_Remove the spaces._

_Bad news: I'm getting very lazy with this fic and may put it on hiatus. Right now I'm too tired to respond to reviews… sigh… Haven't slept properly, my school is kicking my ass because the term is almost over._


	18. Chapter 18

I paced my room for what felt like the thousandth time, staring at the floor and hissing to myself quietly through my teeth.

Kestrel mumbled, '_Go to sleep, Kiera. You'll feel better if you sleep.'_

I replied stubbornly, 'But what if that _thing_ takes over again while I'm asleep? I can't let that happen. It could take my mind _permanently!_ Then, where the hell would I be? What would I do?'

'_I don't know.'_

'Well, the problem is, _I have to know._ Otherwise, I'll be trapped in this cycle forever- I'll be in rather deep shit, don't you think?'

I sighed angrily, and fell backwards on to my bed with a small _whoosh_ of air. I felt very different and distanced from my normal self. I was more anxious and irritated than usual, with a lot more questions buzzing about in my head than I considered natural.

'_Just give up,'_ Noir sneered. _'You'll never escape this.'_

'But I will,' I replied. 'I have to. Otherwise, nothing will be worth fighting for anymore.'

'_Oh, like precious little Johnny?'_

I sighed again. 'Yes, like _precious little Johnny,_ as you phrase it.'

I tried to imagine it- being unable to control my own body. It was a scary thought, thinking of the things I could do.

Losing control… I couldn't. It was just too abstract. It was too _unreal._ I had never believed in the fairy tales and movies- I walked my own path, carving a jagged sculpture of myself out from the scraps I'd been left by society.

From pain, innocence fled, from darkness, it cowered, and from life, it died.

'Nny?' I called.

He stepped into my room, looking a little annoyed. He was wearing a trench coat for some reason, rather than his usual black T-shirt, jeans, and his boots. He had found another pair, somehow. I assumed it was while I slept, because I only remembered him being barefoot. 'Yes?'

'I have a request,' I said. 'It may seem a little strange.'

This interested him. His eyes narrowed, and he clasped his hands together behind his back. Rocking back and forth on his feet, he replied, 'What might this request be?'

'You know how I lost my self-awareness not very long ago?'

'I remember quite clearly, Blood. I may have forgotten much of my life, but I haven't forgotten that. Anyways, does this have to do with that event?'

'Yes,' I responded.

'Go on,' he allowed, making a small gesture.

'Well, if it happens again, I was wondering if you could try to knock me out- I don't care how, please try to avoid killing me- but you can hit me, use needles, whatever- so long as I am out cold. So my idea is that if I regain consciousness again after that, I regain control.'

He smirked faintly. 'That sounds rather elaborated. So, you're saying, you just want me to knock you out if you fuck over again?'

'Essentially, yes.'

'I will comply, I suppose, Blood,' he said while giving me a bit of a questioning look.

I sighed, and hunched my shoulders in exasperation. 'God, I hate this. Every piece of the puzzle that gets thrown in is just as soon overshadowed by another more difficult one. It's like a riddle in another language.'

'What are you talking about?'

'I don't really know. My life in general, I guess- I'm not going anywhere. I don't have anywhere to go. I'm trapped in an endless advance towards something I don't even know _exists._ In fact, I don't even know what I'm marching towards! What's the _point?_'

He laughed quietly. 'Blood, the point is that there _is_ no point. You simply go in one direction, and do what you feel is necessary. There is no absolute reason for existence; you must find a way to create your own motives.'

I sucked in a breath of frustration. 'But I can't figure out my own goals. I just walk along, trying to figure out what the hell I can do to pass the time.'

'Well, if you think that that is your purpose, then it must be,' he responded inexpressively.

'But I _don't!'_ I growled, vexed. 'There's something _more,_ I just know it, Nny!

He sighed. 'In death holds the answers, at least that's what Psycho-Doughboy tells me. He really just desires my demise, for whatever reasons he deems necessary.'

He sat beside me, and Sierra growled until I shot her a look.

'I don't know what the hell is happening,' I moaned. 'It's all just an endless circle of human drama.'

He waited for the inevitable continuation of my whining.

Uninterrupted, I explained some more. 'I mean, I remember a lot, but I've forgotten a lot, too. It's all fuzzy and indistinct anyways. Nothing is _concrete_ anymore. It's like fog in the sky, or pouring milk into water. It slowly clouds over, and you see it, but just decide to ignore it.'

I sat silent for a moment, my mind churning feverishly. Nny looked tense and irritated, his jaw clenched almost imperceptibly. I had to watch him carefully half the time, so that I could catch how he was feeling to avoid being beaten. Any normal person would not notice his concise flickers of body language, but it was a necessity leading to survival for me.

I sat silent for a few more moments, then realized. 'But I _can't_ disregard this like I have before. I have to face myself head-on, and tear away the loose ends to fix the picture.'

My hands turned into fists, and I clutched myself around the middle, almost as though I was trying to hold myself together. I wasn't falling apart physically. However, mentally, I was already in hell as far as I was concerned.

'I need to escape my shortcomings and just do what comes to mind. It doesn't matter what others think, I'll just be _me.'_

Nny laughed tersely. 'I like your thinking, Blood. Maybe it's time we went on another trip- I've been itching to go away again. I don't desire my house at the moment.'

'Well, I can't entirely disobey you, can I?'

'Your opinion holds _some_ value to me- unless I disagree with a passion- so I would hope I have your consent. Without it, however, I would still go anyways.'

I shrugged. 'I don't mind going on a trip. It's not like my apartment has anything of importance to me.'

Nny smirked. 'Are you positive?'

'Yes.' I patted Sierra's head as she looked at me.

He gazed out the window, where dawn was rising with smoky red tendrils stretching across the sky. 'We will depart tonight. I dislike traveling during the day,' he decided, drumming his fingers absentmindedly on his bony knee.

With this, he got up, the trench coat trailing behind him like a cape. 'Stay in this room, Blood. Leaving it may subject you to some things you would rather not see,' he warned.

'It's an order,' he added as an afterthought.

I nodded obediently. 'Yes, Nny.'

Then, I realized something. '_Hey!_ You're not _killing_ people in my _apartment_, are you?'

He laughed abruptly, an almost evil cackling. 'Maybe, maybe not! I doubt it's really any concern of yours, is it?'

'Do you have any _idea_ what a pain in the ass it is to get bloodstains out of a carpet?'

'I don't have carpets. I have concrete and hardwood, so no. No, I don't.'

'Don't kill people in my a-'

He swiftly struck me across the face while I was mid-sentence. I was thrown onto my back from the blow. I sat up, rubbing my cheek while giving Nny an irritated and incredulous look. He hadn't hit me in a few days.

Not since the _r-word_ incident, anyways.

I shuddered at my small recollections of it. I liked pushing it all to the back of my mind, but it still occurred to me sometimes that the events were not a dream, no matter how much I could possibly desire that.

'God save us, hmm, baby?' I murmured to Sierra. 'Like God would ever do anything. My life up 'til now has been nothing.'

She looked up at me quietly, and I continued cooing to her quietly.

'_She's almost like your daughter,'_ Kestrel purred. _'It's good to have animal therapy to ease stress.'_

I inhaled sharply in annoyance. I didn't bother reprimanding her- insulting Kestrel did nothing- besides, she was _nice_ to me.

'_Go to sleep,'_ Kestrel told me.

'I'd rather not,' I replied. 'I really don't want to right now.'

She said nothing.

I looked around the room, thinking of all the hours and days I'd spent holed up in there. Hours drawing, hours screaming, hours crying and sobbing and cutting myself.

Cutting myself and using the blood to paint portraits of hate.

I shuddered at the thought of that, and then looked around again. A small blue book sticking out from one of the shelves caught my attention. My sketchbooks were always black- I'd never had a blue one. What was it?

I got up and looked at it quizzically, and then pulled it out from the shelf. It was leather-bound and dusty, suggesting age in the cracked leather.

I opened to the first page. The year was seven years before- when I was eleven.

_Jan 12_

_I want to kill someone. I'm angry. Nothing makes sense. No sense… The anxiety hits me as soon as I'm alone. I feel the screams and see the images, the hazards. So much beauty in the new fallen snow yet it is all blood at the same time… Wading in blood and pain, destroying all that will be…_

_I WANT TO HURT PEOPLE_

After that was a bunch of scribbled lines I failed to decipher. I winced at my uncontrolled insanity, and flipped through the pages.

It was mostly drawings of random things. Knives and blood drops.

Then I hit another wall of text another nine or ten pages in, and pored over it, trying to decode my scratchy handwriting.

_We always stand alone  
In a world full of darkness, black and cold  
To the light that is never shown  
The laughter and tears, hopes, dreams and fears, tenfold  
To the angels that never sing  
On black feathers of which they take wing  
Love, the beautiful lie, never proven true  
Black-hearted me, my light is you  
The difference, the clash, the awakening noise  
Emotions so complicated, I could never make a choice  
Intertwine the colours, show me how to dance  
The darkness tells me I ain't never gonna have a chance  
I want to fall to my knees and cry to the skies  
With every cut and drop of blood, a part inside of me dies  
Walking alone at night with the stars all gone away  
There's no chance in hell I'll ever learn to play  
So take this message to whatever God you can muster  
Happened to one of you once, cussed her out_

After that, it was a bunch of nonsensical scribbles that I couldn't read. I tried to make letters out so hard that it made my head hurt, but I found nothing.

I sighed irritably, and flipped to the next page.

_This night holds prowess, a moon of golden promises and lies.  
I fail to understand the point of my existence, for my mother is dead and my father is practically an android.  
I question my motives and my point to live, and I question my love of Lamar constantly. Why do I care? What is the point? I can see in his eyes the little ticks of irritation when I start a discussion. I am simply nothing to him, and he is my security blanket. I fail to leave him, however, for he knows too much already- Zavé and I are fully aware of that. I have condemned myself to suffer under his influence for however long due to the way I ran my mouth so foolishly.  
God damn, I'm too hasty in my relationships- then again, I've never actually had a relationship. I've never had friends or anyone. Just myself and my drawings. In fact, I don't know why I'm writing in a diary- I'm not really the sort of person to do that. Maybe it's merely that I want to recollect these things someday. I'm not sure why I would be interested in my past self, but I suppose it would be a bit of a mental trip._

I snorted. It sure as hell was, seeing how fucked up I'd been and I was only _eleven. _And I didn't remember meeting Lamar that early- my sense of reality back then had been very skewed, which was something I definitely did remember.

_However, I can't escape this webbing- I constantly desire to walk outside, but I know I have nowhere to go and nobody to walk with me. So, here I sit, mourning my very existence and cutting myself again and again._  
_For reasons unbeknownst to me, I cannot fathom as to why I haven't killed myself. I want to, I plan to, yet I don't. I do not fear death, but I cannot find myself to welcome it. I'm in a very dark place. I can't find my way out._

The entry ended there. It was enough for me- I really didn't want to read anymore. I could feel my depression had soaked into this book thoroughly. I didn't feel like crying at the moment.

I put the book down gently, and then went to lay in my bed and sleep.

Except that was the moment right when the screams started down my hall.

…

_Wheeeee! Sorry my chapter was late, I am suffering from a major Minecraft addiction. If you want to open a multiplayer server and chill, that'd be epic. Hit me up._

_Anyways, comment responses._

_Cheeto-ScorpioDimagram: Yes, woa._

_BloodsuckerHater: Yes, yes, it does… Trust me… It actually happened again with this chapter, but I was like 'FUCK THIS SHIT!' and burned through it._

_Thunder's Winged Heart: Microsoft is a bit of an ass sometimes, isn't it?_

_Ley the Homicidal Maniac: Oh, my god… I really was missing a few more 'FUCK's. And Open Office I think is what I am/was using… I think I just need an external hard drive to speed up my comp._

_Invadderrusty221: Really? I thought that chapter was a little badly done. Oh, well._

_D.G. BlackWolf: o.o YOU CAN EXPRESS RAGE, YOU KNOW. Rage a little! Pee on someone's door! It's good for you._

_InsanelyA.D.D: I like your username. It interests me. And I actually did file that complaint, but the universe felt like it wanted to igore me at the moment._

_Rii hime: It probably did._

_Crazychic111: You should._

_TacoSandwich: Yeah, I really don't like this crap sometimes.. Blaah…. Sometimes I don't even reread it. I'm not rereading this chapter._

_Kawaii miku 13: DAMN IT TO HELL IN THE FIERY ABYSS OF… penises… or something…_

_BloodRaven: The webcomic link is fixed now. :3 Don't worry._

_BY THE WAY! Ghyriffin (I hope I spelled that right :l) made me some fanart! For your enjoyment, here's my reaction!_

_-zzz- -_-  
-zzz- o_-?  
-zzz- o_o  
-snerk- O_O  
-maniacal laughter- :OOOOOOOOOOMG I LOVELOVAELLOOOVE_

_Make me fanart. It sustains my spooooky existence._

_OH! By the way:_

_Blood is absoFUCKINGlutely NOT based on Devi. I JUST read I Feel Sick like three days ago, and was like OH MY JESUS FUCKING CHRIST! PEOPLE MUST THINK I'M TOTALLY A PLAGIARIST!_

_I'm not. I swear I had NO idea. I thought Devi was just a person who lived in an apartment up until now! –sobs-_


	19. Chapter 19

The screaming down the hall was pissing me off to no end- I wanted to run down there and kick Nny in the face.

One, he was in _my_ apartment, staining _my_ carpet with blood.  
Two, I was feeling pissy.  
Three, I was sleep-deprived and had been lying in my bed for the past three or four hours.

I hissed quietly under my breath, pinching the bridge of my nose and letting out a long breath.

'_You should leave,'_ Kestrel murmured. '_Leave and don't come back.'_

Well, _this_ was a new side of her.

'Where exactly would I go?' I replied. 'This is my apartment- it's the only shelter I've got.'

'_You have old connections, don't you?'_

'Like who?'

'_That girl… Tenna or something. She had a friend who was a lot like you named Devi?'_

'Oh, yeah… She was annoying as hell half the time, though. But I suppose I could do that.'

'_Well, you better think of something fast- Nny's dragging you along on his 'trip' tonight, remember?'_

I froze. Oh, damn. Damn it. If I wanted to leave, I couldn't make an elaborate fool-proof plan, I had to bust the hell out of there in the space of less than twelve hours.

'_Am I alone? Am I falling, am I wandering, am I crying, am I dark, am I light, am I evil, am I good?'_ my mind howled.

It was hell, this circle of questions. The answers danced tantalizingly, but always out of reach. I never found the peace I searched so desperately for. I

'_Shun the light, I shun the light, I have to escape, find the home, find the place-'_ I whimpered, trying to shut my mind up.

'_Shut up, no, no, shut up, please, go away, the blood is following the whispers-'_

I eyed the blue book again, and then reluctantly pulled it from its place on the shelf. I flipped through scribbled-on pages and torn papers, my eyes heavy with tired sadness.

There was so much pain contained in this book, it almost overwhelmed me. It was just _agony-_ over and over, day after day, year after year, the tear stains and blood drops bringing forward self-pity I hadn't felt in a long time.

'I should have saved myself,' I whispered. 'I should have fought my demons.'

But I didn't, which brought forth utter insanity.

I slowly turned the pages, poring over every detail.

'_Agony-'  
'Why does this happen-'  
'I lived to my birthday. Dad forgot again-'  
'I wish-'  
'I wonder-'  
'I'm alone-'_

There was too much. It was me, I knew, but it wasn't at the same time. It was something distant and scary, something I had forgotten for ages. Unwanted memories resurfaced, but somehow I sucked them up rather than rejected them.

It was filling my mind with _something_ rather than mere empty rage. It was odd, actually seeing my past self.

I finally reached an empty page, and picked up a pen, clicking it dramatically to myself while cocking a small smirk.

Scrawling as quickly as I could, I wrote a long time.

In the paper I confined my anger and hate.  
In the paper, I composed my happiness and content.  
In the paper, I trapped my screams and tears.  
In the paper, I kept my insanity.  
In the paper, I captured  
Myself.

Just myself.

…

The room down the hall was surprisingly silent. The floor of the apartment was covered in blood, limbs, and organs. I had expected for Blood to run down the hall screaming bloody murder, but apparently she was tired or feeling hopeless. Save a couple shrieks of irritation from her neighbours, (who never did anything anyways) I hadn't been interrupted.

Where the hell was Blood? How very unlike her it was to not get upset. Or, perhaps she was just feeling particularly submissive.

I shrieked with laughter. Ha! Like Blood would _ever_ stop fighting and roll over like a pet dog!

'_Or maybe she would,'_ Mr. Eff hissed rudely.

'Oh, fuck off, Eff,' I sighed; leaning back onto Blood's worn and dirtied couch.

'_You know, Nny, she has seemed a bit upset lately,' _Nailbunny pressed.

'Oh, come off it. She's fine,' I snorted.

'_You know that it isn't true. She's confused. She's hurt. She's trapped, and now she has this alternate personality to deal with as well.'_

'Well, I've had worse than she has. She'll just have to deal with it.'

'_Have you ever been raped?'_

The question struck me like a bullet, immobilizing my mind. _Have you ever been raped?_ No, I haven't. I didn't even remember how the hell I'd ended up crazy, but I knew it wasn't via rape.

'…No.'

'_You know that she isn't fine. You just don't know how to deal with it- remember Devi?'_

I shot onto my feet and snarled, _'Of course_ I remember! I tried to fuckin' _kill_ her and I know I shouldn't have!'

'_You're doing the exact same thing right now, except in a different form.'_

'But, Nailbunny, I don't know _how_ to deal with… Emotion. I refuse to accept sensation. I hate passion. I reject feeling.'

'_But Kiera does not. That's a pathetic excuse, as you aren't even _trying.'

'I should try, but I can't. I merely can't, Nailbunny- that's the only answer I have.'

'_Take a good, hard look, Nny. You're going to lose her, mentally or physically, if you don't start trying harder.' _

'Well, why would it matter to me? She is merely a pet,' I replied.

'_Oh, get your head out of the sand, Nny. You know that you have feelings for her.'_

'No, I don't, Nailbunny.'

'_Yes, you do!'_

'_FUCK_ you, you little rabbit! You don't _fucking _know _anything _about me! I know who I am! I know that I don't give a _SINGLE FUCKING SHIT_ about Blood!'

'_Nny…'_

'Shut _up,_ Nailbunny! Fuck off!'

He was silent, to my satisfaction. I snarled to myself and paced the room angrily. I didn't care about Blood- she was nothing.  
NOTHING.  
_NOTHING!_

I roared and threw a knife at the wall. It stuck, quivering like a shot arrow. I sneered, and flung another one next to it.

I threw various blades across the room, each one hitting the exact spot I threw it to, until I got bored of this.

'Fucking bunny,' I snapped. 'Putting his fucking nose where it doesn't fucking belong.'

I walked down the hall to have some sharp words with Blood. I attempted to fling the door open to discover it was locked.

'What the fuck is this?' I growled. Then, I jiggled the handle again. 'Open the door, Blood. _Now.'_

There was no response. What the hell? She _always_ obeyed!

I violently kicked the handle off the door. It flew off of its place on the door easily, denting the wall and then falling to the floor. I kicked at the door, and then shoved it open. The room was empty, a cool breeze flowing in through a sunset-lit curtain.

Blood stains spattered the floor, and a note. Did Blood really attempt to take her own life?

I snatched it up, cursing under my breath in irritation.

_I don't know the date, or the year_

_I hold little passion for myself. My life is a downward spiral of confusion and anger, along with general insanity. Of course, this is based on something. Let me explain.  
I was kidnapped by a person by the name of Johnny C.  
Attempting to retain myself was my only possible task through this difficult time. The whole period has been full of trickery and madness by this particularly corrupt young man. (Although he is older than I.)  
He has gone from hater, to lover, and back again. Then he will be a friend, a nemesis, a keeper, a protector.  
He's like a fucking shapeshifter, for God's sakes. He's never in the same mold- it's constantly changing.  
It's…. Fucked up. It's so fucking fucked up, I can't even begin to explain how fucking fucked up it fucking is. I mean, I care about him to some extent, but at the same time, I hate him so much I want to rip his throat out and feed it to my dog.  
I constantly stare into space, longing for the outdoors.  
Which brings me to the point of this note.  
I am leaving, Nny. I am not coming back. You can try to find me, and drag me back. I can't live like a trapped animal anymore. I've taken my dog and the clothes on my back, and that is all.  
I can bring myself to apologize for leaving you. I know that you are in a lot of pain, but you refuse to acknowledge that I feel pain as well. This is the main reason as to why I decided to leave- otherwise, I really would not have cared so much as to escape._

_Please try to forgive me, in your twisted mind, I know that you could find that somewhere._

_-Blood_

I stared at the paper for a long time. Blood? Gone? She decided to head out the window like she thought she could escape me?

'_But she did, Nny,' _Nailbunny murmured.

I had no response to that.

'_I'm sorry, Nny, I know that you care about her.'_

'But… Why would she leave?'

'_She stated it plainly. She was fully aware that you cared, and that you didn't want to recognize that she was in pain.'_

'But I _couldn't._ She should have known that.'

'_So you concede to ignoring her?'_

'…Yes,' I managed to force out. 'I was being careless.'

'_Are you going to go after her?'_

'Well, should I?'

'_Well, on one hand, she left for a reason, but on another hand, she may attempt to do something to harm herself. It's your choice.'_

'I _should_ go after her,' I mused. 'But I have no idea where she'd go.'

'_The likelihood of her leaving the city is low. She has no car, and she isn't the type to do that anyways- she'd probably go someplace you disliked.'_

'True- Blood is a bit predictable sometimes.'

'_Then try to follow the footsteps. Besides, she can't go that far, she has a bullet hole in her side and a stab wound in her leg. She can _play_ tough, and she _is_ tough, but she can't always _be_ tough.'_

'She's tougher than nails, that's for sure,' I pondered, chewing my nails slightly. 'Blood never gave in to me. Any other person would, but she didn't.'

'_She has a powerful mind. Corrupt, but powerful.'_

'Yes,' I murmured.

…

I limped through the street, breathing raggedly. Sierra was in tow behind me, stepping on my heels. God, did my wounds ever hurt after I started _moving _again.

That, and I had forgotten where Tenna's house was. I was trying to remember, but failing with some semblance of desperation.

A person walked up to me. 'Hey, you look lost, sweetie,' he said.

'Yes,' I murmured.

'Where are you lookin' for?'

'The apartment building… Err… What was it called…'

'_Blatantly Cheap?'_

'Yeah.'

'Oh, that one's down this street.' He pointed to the left, where the building was standing mockingly, making me feel like an idiot.

'Thanks, man,' I replied.

He looked me over, his brow wrinkled. 'Are you okay? You look kinda sick.'

'I'm fine. I was dealing with some problems.'

'You're a self-harmer?' I heard a lot of surprise laden in his voice.

I smiled coldly. 'Yes, I am.' I showed him my arms, lanced up and down with white scars.

A ripple of sympathetic disgust visibly shook him, and he recoiled subconsciously.

'I'll be going now,' I said, with a respectful dip of my head as I prepared to leave.

'Wait!' the man said, grabbing me by the shoulder. 'Let me escort you.'

I shrugged. 'Each to his or her own. Go ahead.'

He slung my arm over his shoulder, helping me walk. Sierra followed us, and he raised an eyebrow her. 'Is this your dog?'

'Yeah. She's a good one.'

'I can tell.'

I wasn't sure if he was being sarcastic or not, but I didn't particularly care. We continued on our way down the street, which wasn't very busy (due to the fact it was about 10 PM) and were uninterrupted.

'So, how old are you, miss?' the guy asked.

'Eighteen, nineteen, or twenty. I don't know, exactly,' I replied.

'How can you not know?'

'Would you believe me if I said it's because I haven't looked at a calendar for a while?'

'No, not really, but I guess I have to believe you, huh?'

'Well, I don't have another excuse, so, yes.' I smirked.

We were at the tall building, and he opened the door. 'Ladies first.' I nodded, grinning slightly. 'Thank you.'

I hadn't encountered anybody who was polite for quite the while.

Limping on in, I looked around. The lobby was quite nondescript, a couple of chairs to the side, along with mail boxes.

I stepped into the elevator and pressed 4, and was shocked when I turned around to see the man still with me.

I stepped backwards involuntarily into the wall, Sierra snarling at my feet.

'_Whoa!_ Whoa, there. I'm not gonna hurt you,' the guy said.

'Then, why are you following me?' I snapped.

'I just want to make sure you get to where you're going,' he replied.

I didn't entirely sense any bad thoughts from him, so I relaxed slightly. I didn't take my eyes off him, however, until the elevator _dinged_ and I stepped out.

'Which room is it?' he asked.

'If I remember right, 413,' I answered.

My arm was once again thrown over his shoulder, and he helped me on my way down the hall to the room I was searching for.

'Here we are, room 413,' he murmured.

'Thank you, sir,' I sighed, knocking on the door.

'I'll be here later to check on you. Don't be surprised,' he said, as he left.

The door opened, and I saw Tenna, armed with Spooky, pink bunny slippers, and pajamas.

'_Kiera! ?_ What the _fuck_ happened to you! ?'

…

_Early postage! Oooh._

_Weeeeeehaw! Finally, something sort of exciting. I got bored and decided I should bring more canon characters in.  
I have decided I will 100 percent sure write a Invader Zim fic after The Empty Grave is finished, possibly begin it while finishing TEG.  
Shout out to the Hoofed twins! Hi there! (You know who you are…)_

_Anyways, my birthday is actually tomorrow. March thirteenth. Ooooo, how scary.  
By the way, congrats to Kawaii miku 13 for being the 100__th__ reviewer! (I believe you were also the first!)_

_crazychic111: I dunno, maybe Blood is just special like that._

_Ley: Nah, I write up to 140 WPM (words per minute) so it didn't bug me that much. And she does know where she's going now… Ooh, what will Johnny do to the naughty girl for running away? ;o_

_TheBrokenChild: To be honest, that whole review really confused me._

_Kawaii miku 13: You're special. Very special._

_InsanelyA.D.D: Still liking your username. And don't worry, story updates every Sunday. I'm planning on an extra update per week; I just need to figure out the day. Maybe Saturdays._

_By the way, if anyone would like a little appearance in either this fic or the IZ fic, do tell me. Just send me a message with your character, and I'll incorporate them into the story somehow._


	20. Chapter 20

Adorning fluffy pink bunny slippers, Spooky, and a large, fluffy pink bathrobe, Tenna opened the door. She was rubbing sleep out of her eyes as I awkwardly thought of something to say.

'…Hey there, Tenna.'

'Kiera? The _hell_ are you doing here this late?'

'It's kind of a long story. I could elaborate… Um, can I stay here for, like, the night or something?'

'I don't know…'

'…Can I sleep in your trash can?'

'Fine, you can stay in the apartment.'

'Thanks.'

She opened the door so that I could step through, and I flopped backwards onto the couch. Sierra jumped into my lap, and I patted her head.

'No offense, Kiera, but you look like a wreck.'

I laughed. 'Yeah, I know- you won't fuckin' _believe_ the story I have for you. Hey, does Devi still live here or did she move?'

'Nah, she's still upstairs. I heard her yelling a few hours ago. What was this about a story?'

'Turn on the light.'

She obeyed, and stood still, staring at me for a second. I saw her pupils noticeably dilate. She sucked in a breath and screeched,

'_Kiera! ? What the _hell_ happened to you! ?'_

I smirked. 'Shit went down. Devi's little buddy met me.'

'Oh, God…' She shook her head slowly. 'I'm going to call her up.'

She stepped into the other room, and I lay back on the couch gingerly. Sierra curled up into my chest, and I sighed. The loss of blood was making me tired.

Closing my eyes and resting, I heard Tenna having a quiet conversation in the other room. '-Yeah. She looks like she went through a lot. No, she's okay, for the most part, but you won't believe the _scars-_ What? No, she has this little dog with her. Yeah. I don't know the name. Why am I calling you? She said she met a friend of yours. I think it might be that Johnny guy you were so scared of.'

The words grew quieter and indistinct. I floated into a half-asleep state, and Tenna hovered back into the room with near-silent footsteps.

When the door was flung open by Devi, I jumped considerably, scaring Sierra.

I looked up, rubbing tiredness from my eyes. 'Yo.'

Devi looked mostly the same. The purple dye she used to have in her hair was long gone, replaced by a shoulder-length cut with black dye. It looked a lot like mine. She was wearing a baggy black shirt and sweat pants, both splattered with dried and fresh paint stains.

She looked me up and down quizzically, looking fairly surprised. The thing with Devi was, she didn't freak out like Tenna did- she was less expressive. She was more cold- soundless. Calculating.

Her eye twitched, and she looked over to Tenna. '_Nny_ did this?'

'She said that apparently your 'buddy' met her.'

'God, I'm not surprised- but really, I'd think that Johnny would have killed her by now,' Devi replied.

'I don't know, this is all what Kiera said.'

I coughed, interrupting their conversation, surprising both of them. I sat up and said, 'I can tell you the whole story, if you like.'

'That… Would probably be for the best,' Devi answered

I sighed. 'This is going to be a while.'

…

Through the next couple hours, I brought them through my adventures over my time with Nny. It had, apparently, been almost a year since I suddenly disappeared.

I told them about the way I'd been taken, tortured, beaten, and driven up the wall. I poured out the ways I'd been handled with affection, hate, and everything in between.

I reluctantly said, 'There was a couple times where he kissed me. I don't really know why.'

Devi nodded, and motioned for me to go on.

I continued my long story. I told them about when we left, our journey across the places, until we ended up in my apartment across town.

'Just today, he was killing people in my apartment. I don't know who- I decided that then was the time to high-tail it out of there. When he was distracted, you know?'

Devi nodded, her head on her fist. She had taken up to sitting on a kitchen chair that Tenna had dragged in. 'What about that gang place?'

I shuddered. 'Well, there… I … I… Well, I think you can… Guess…'

'Nny _raped_ you! ?' Devi gasped.

'No! No, he didn't! He saved me from the guy!'

'Why?'

'I don't know.'

'Let her finish, Devi!' Tenna interrupted.

Devi sat up, making an apologetic gesture. 'Sorry about that, Kiera.'

I continued.

My story was a little out of order, due to the fact there was so _much_ to recall.

I laughed a little as I told them the story of how I got Sierra, the little yellow blob of wet fur on the pavement. Devi couldn't believe I actually was allowed by Nny to keep her.

'He seemed to have a soft spot for me,' I replied to that.

I talked about my apartment and the things I did, and the short while I wasn't in control of my body.

I recalled, bitterly, the ways he had treated me. He went from my worst enemy to my greatest lover, to my friend and comrade, to my keeper and punisher.

The experience had been hell, yet strangely invigorating. It opened my eyes to my own mortality- and the fact that I should cherish it.

I sighed. 'It was weird. That's really all I can say. It was the longest and most memorable time of my life, that's for sure.'

'_No kidding,_' Zavé grumbled.

Devi was stunned. 'So, Nny let you _live?_ And he did all this to you?'

I nodded. 'I'm not exactly sure why.'

'And... You're fine?'

'Devi, you have no idea exactly _un-fine_ I am. I'm pretty sure you'd be scared to know what is now in my head. Especially in contrast from a year ago.'

Tenna interrupted, 'So, don't you need a doctor or anything? Especially after…' She winced. 'Uhh, you know… And being with a nut job for about a year?'

'I'd really rather not, Tenna. I think I'll do fine on my own. I need a place to stay, and that's all.'

Devi said, 'Well, you could live with me for a while. Or you could stay with Tenna- it's just that my apartment is bigger, so Tenna's doesn't have a guest room. I have a storage room you could stay in.'

'Well, it _is_ probably quieter at your place. I'm hoping that you've outgrown the habit of screaming at your paintings.'

'Yeah.'

I heard a squeaking noise, to see Sierra chewing on Tenna's little Spooky thing. It surprised me to see it out of Tenna's hand- it was practically super glued to it half the time.

'Sierra,' I snapped tiredly. 'Drop it.'

She obeyed, and jumped into my lap. Tenna made a squealing noise of horror, picking up the toy and dusting it off.

'Well, we ought to go upstairs- it's about 2 AM now, and you're undoubtedly pretty fuckin' tired.'

'No shit,' I replied, and smirked.

Tenna waved us out, and Sierra followed me around the place up to Devi's apartment.

As expected, it had a fresh painting, unfinished, in the middle of the main room. Various paints and paint brushes were strewn about, along with canvases. Things like scrunched up paper balls and pencils were less common, but also seen scattered among the artistic carnage.

'I see that you've gotten neater,' I remarked, grinning.

'Hey, your place was worse than this, if I remember right,' Devi replied.

I followed her into the next room, where a couch was. A lot of paints and unused artistic materials were stacked dangerously.

'You can sleep on the couch for now. I'll see if I can find something better. One sec, I'll go get a blanket,' she told me.

'Okay, thanks, Devi,' I replied, then went to lie down.

Sierra slept on the floor, and I stretched out, feeling some of my many scabs cracking and bleeding a little. It was a sensation I was very accustomed too. Yawning, I scratched absentmindedly at a healing wound and cracked my knuckles.

Devi stepped back in, flinging a thin blanket over to me. 'Here. I'll scavenge around a bit more tomorrow.''

'Thanks,' I said again, as she left, closing the door.

I closed my eyes, smiling slightly.

Free.

I was free.

…

Nny walked around the town, his steps paced furiously. He felt panicked, and alone. God, how could he have _done_ this?

'_Foolish meat bag,'_ D-Boy said.

'Fuck off, you god damn Styrofoam statue,' Nny growled.

He shivered slightly, shifting from foot to foot as he pulled his trench coat closer around his thin frame.

Starting off down the street again, his footsteps made a distinctive _clink clink_ noise. A chill wind licked at his body again, and he grumbled irritably.

'_You won't find her tonight, Nny,' _Nailbunny murmured. _'It would be better if you did this tomorrow.'_

'No,' he snarled. 'Finding her is vital.'

'_But what will you do when you find her? You can't just drag her back. It would be cruel. No, you need to find a way to get her to come to you willingly.'_

'That's a novel idea, Nailbunny,' the young man replied. 'I think I just might do that.'

With this, he turned tail, and melted into the shadows of the night once more.

Walking through the alley ways, Nny sighed. It was exhausting, this mental circle. He had never truly cared for someone before, not that he remembered, anyways.

In effect, caring for Blood took a physical and mental toll on him of unbelievable proportions. When she was around, Nny had thoroughly convinced himself he simply did not give a shit about the young woman- he could kill her whenever he deemed fit.

The moment she disappeared, however, it was hell watching the shadows moving through his room, knowing that he didn't have anyone to get up and talk to. He had grown increasingly accustomed to this over his time with her.

'I face quite a problem, don't I, Nailbunny?' he whispered. 'It seems as though my emotional side crept up on me when I didn't even fucking know it.'

'_You are an emotional being, Nny. If you shun that half, you are shunning your very existence.'_

'But I hate myself- a lot. I despise the blood that stains the walls of my corrupt, insane mind. I despise the scars that I have inflicted on Blood. I despise every time my heart beats.'

'_Kiera doesn't despise you. You want her to be happy, don't you?'_

'Yes,' Nny hummed. 'I want Blood to be happy.'

'_I bet that if you like yourself, she'll be happier. She doesn't like seeing you upset. At least, that's what I think.'_

'Why would she care if I'm upset or not?'

'_Well, seeing it from her perspective, every time you are upset, it causes her physical pain when you beat her or cut her. When you're happy, you spend time together and talk. Do you see what I'm talking about?'_

'Yes, that makes sense,' Nny purred. 'That is very good logic you have there, Nailbunny.'

Nny fingered his butterfly knife, taking comfort in the familiar handle. He had had it as long as he could remember.

'_Nny, focus,'_ Nailbunny chided.

'I am,' he replied.

'_This isn't the time for killing. It's the time for searching.'_

'Sorry, Nailbunny,' Nny replied. 'I'm just not used to this.'

I mean, how could he be used to it?

He couldn't remember anything besides a world of killing and hate throughout his adulthood.

It was changing. Nny knew that without a doubt.

…

_Sorry about the slightly late chapter! I've been having these weird tiredness problems lately, and my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday because he THOUGHT I was cheating on him… -sigh-_

_Anyways! Reviewer responses!_

_Raven Samantha Byron: Oh, don't worry, this isn't one of THOSE stories, where everyone dies and the author sits at her desk, cackling because she knows that that isn't what really happens._

_Abi (ANON) : Actually, I haven't read that. No clue what it is. xD Nah, long reviews make me happy. And I'll be watching for your acc to come up! :P_

_TheBrokenChild: Being honest, I thought I was supposed to laugh because your spelling was kind of weird. Then I noticed the 'long, deep, and hard' and I was like. 'Oh. Lol o3o'_

_Kawaii miku 13: You're the only one from FanFiction that wished me a happy birthday! ;_; Oh, well. Happy early birthday :D We're not Pisces together… Sigh._

_Crazychick111: Well, you'll just have to find that out, won't you? MUHAHAHAHAHAHAH!_

_Ley the Homicidal Maniac: God, that was such a retarded mistake. I hope I never do that again!_

_By the way, guys, the IZ fic will, in all likelihood, be up today._

_I've been extremely busy working with school and DeviantArt. If you could check me out, that would be awesome. My user name is SunwingtheWolf._

_I also got my first recognition! I was commenting on someone's Nny cosplay when they suddenly were like 'HEY! ARE YOU THE PERSON WHO WROTE THAT FIC ABOUT NNY AND BLOOD? IT'S AWESOME!'_

_And I was bein' all chill and cool and stuff, and I was all like, 'Yep.'_

_I felt like such a hardcore author._


	21. Chapter 21

'Good morning,' Devi said, as I walked into the kitchen.

'What's up?' I answered.

'Cooking some eggs. Do you want any?'

I was shocked. I couldn't remember the last time food had been cooked for me.

'Um… Yes, please. Thanks.'

I went and sat on an art stool, twiddling my thumbs apprehensively. Sierra was sitting at my feet, looking up at me.

Devi looked over, a confused look adorning her features.

'Hey, why are you so nervous? It's just eggs.'

'Johnny.'

She flinched, and realized what she had just brought up. 'Oh, fuck, I'm sorry, Kiera. I wasn't thinking.'

'It's okay. It's easy to forget.'

'Is it all right if I ask some things about Johnny?'

I paused. 'Yeah… Sure. It's fine.'

'Well, did he ever feed you? You're a fucking _stick_, if you haven't noticed.'

'Really?' I murmured. I looked down. Wow, I really was pretty skinny. 'Well… he didn't feed me unless he was feeling sorry about something, in a good mood, or bored. Most of the time I had to scavenge, but Nny never eats. So there wasn't really anything around. I got used to it after a while, I guess.'

'He really treated you like shit, didn't he?'

I muttered, 'N-no… It wasn't like that.'

She turned around, her mouth agape. 'Are you saying you actually _liked_ being a slave to him?'

I stood up and snapped, 'I wasn't a slave! I was…'

She sighed. 'Stockholm's Syndrome, huh?'

'No! I'm not that stupid.' _Am I?_

'Well, you seem to care about Johnny an awful fuckin' lot, Kiera.'

_Kiera's not my name… It's Blood. I was _his_ Blood._

'Look, Nny and I were kind of like comrades. He didn't _keep_ me; he actually let me out sometimes. No punishment, nothing.' _Well, there was that one time I got wasted…_

'Kiera, I think you need to see a psychologist. And a doctor, for the rape-kit.'

'I'd really prefer to not get into any more drama, Devi. I'll just deal with it. If I could deal with a year of Nny, I think I can deal with this.'

'What if you're pregnant?'

A pang of shock ripped through me. It wasn't like I hadn't _thought_ of it. At Nny's, I frequently missed my periods anyways because of malnutrition.1 1: I looked this up.

'W-well… I have… I've thought of that. I'm just hoping to hell…'

'That you're lucky? Come on. You know that you need to check.'

'I know, Devi. I think you could understand my fear at least a little.'

'Look, Johnny tried to kill me once. I hid in my apartment for _months_ because of that little shit. And now? Seeing what he's done to you? I know you wouldn't walk up and piss him off. He had absolutely no reason. I'm fuckin' _terrified_ of him now, Kiera. I know what fear is. I understand.'

I stayed silent, digesting this information.

'But how can I raise a kid?' I rasped. 'I mean, an abortion's possible, but what about the kid? Never gets a chance at life. But I'd hate growing up, knowing that I was an accident.'

I buried my head in my hands. 'How the hell can I deal with this if I _am_ pregnant?'

'Look, Kiera. You're free. You can do whatever you think is right with the kid if you're pregnant. Johnny won't come after you. He's not _that _stupid.'

…

_Somewhere in the very same city…_

Nny sneezed.

'_Somebody must be talking about you,'_ Nailbunny said.

'Oh, come on, that's a Japanese fairytale.'2 2: It actually is.

_Man, this city is fucking huge,_ Nny thought. _I don't think I'll ever find her unless I knock door-to-door- wait a minute!_

Her favourite places. What were they?

_The coffee shop… She wouldn't dare come to her apartment; she's not that fucking stupid… Probably likes the book store for inspiration… She'll need art supplies, knowing her…_

He walked along, trying to think of all the places she would be. It ranged from the park to an Italian restaurant. Blood was unpredictable like that; unbelievably aggravatingly so.

'What order do you think she'd go to those places in?'

'_Hmm,'_ Nailbunny said. _'Well, she would probably want to get some things first before settling in. Then she would probably do more leisurely things, like going for walks.'_

'Smart bunny,' Nny replied.

Since Blood's departure, the city had lost its glow. It was now merely shadows full of inner demons again.

No more contented moments, thinking, _hey, when I get home, I have someone to talk to. _No more little appreciations in the fog that Blood had taught him to see. No more laughs or cries of frustration- it was gone.

Nny was alone again. And he fucking _hated_ it.

Alone.

_Fuck, I hate that word,_ he thought, melting into the gloom of the city's alleyways once more.

Except, afterwards, he tripped over a hobo.

Life isn't all it's cracked up to be, especially in a day of the life of Johnny C.

…

When Devi and I arrived at the clinic, I was wound tighter than a lab rat on cocaine.

'Kiera, you'll be fine.'

I looked up. I desperately wanted to say, _Kiera's not my name, it's Blood!_

'_Kiera, what a foolish name. So normal. So unwitting of the life you are living. Especially considering that you now bear a child!'_

'I'm not pregnant!' I snarled. 'You fucking bitch!'

Luckily, the clinic was empty except for me, Devi, and the receptionist, who didn't look up from his work.

'…Are you okay?' Devi asked.

'You didn't hear that,' I replied.

'_Idiot,'_ Zavé grumbled.

'_Shut up!'_ I replied mentally. I was used to being alone, so talking to the voices wasn't a problem.

'_We need to work together on this,' _Kestrel interrupted.

'_Oh, shut up, goody-goody!'_ Zavé snapped.

'_Temper, temper.'_

'_I'm not the one trying to be a fucking teddy bear! I'm pretty sure our host is fine without your cuddly little mental hugs.'_

'_Maybe you should try to be nicer, too, Zavé.'_

She went silent, fuming.

'The doctor will see you now,' the receptionist said in a bored voice.

Devi and I stood up, and we walked down into the doctor's room.

She looked up. _Oh, thank God it's a girl,_ I thought. I had no idea what I'd do with a guy interrogating me.

'Oh, hello. So, what are you two here for?'

I opened my mouth to say, when Devi cut in on me. 'We're here for a rape kit, a pregnancy test, physical exam, mental exam, and possibly a few prescriptions.'

'_Devi!'_ I hissed. _'I don't need half of that!'_

'Shut up, Kiera,' she rasped.

I growled under my breath, and then looked up at the doctor. She was scribbling notes.

'So, what's your name?'

'Blood.' My eyes widened. 'Ach! No, sorry! It's Kiera. Kiera Artemus. Ignore that whole 'Blood' thing, um, it's just something, a nickname that I have-'

She cut me off. 'It's fine, m'dear. And who may you be?' she asked, looking at Devi.

'Devi.'

'Do you have a last name?'

'I'm not the one you're examining.'

'So, Kiera, why do you need a mental exam?'

'I don't. I'm fine. My _friend,'_ I hissed, sending a look to Devi, 'told you I need one.'

'I'm not the one who's talking to myself, Kiera.'

'So, she has been talking to herself? How so, Devi?'

When she said _Devi,_ the woman shot me a look that said, _I'm not asking you._

'Well, when we were in the lobby, she looked really distracted, and then started swearing and told someone or something that it was a 'fucking bitch.''

'Is this true, Kiera?' the doctor asked.

'It was Noir,' I snarled. 'Fucking hate her.'

'Do you have a voice in your head?'

'_Don't tell her!' _Zavé snapped. _'She'll try to lock you up!'_

My mouth agape, I tried to think of a possible answer.

'I'll take that as a yes,' she mumbled.

I couldn't exactly _deny_ it, as I knew I had probably been talking to myself before, except Devi didn't mention it.

'Is there more than one?' she asked.

I shook my head. 'N-no.'

'Now, I have a little test for your mental exam. We'll be taking you into another room so that you don't feel pressured. Try to relax. If you want to take a break from the questions, you can come back later.'

I gulped, and nodded. 'O-okay then, I guess.'

Devi whispered, 'Sorry 'bout this, Kiera, but it's for your own good.'

…

In the room, there was a little couch and a desk, with a pen and sheaf of paper on it.

I sat down, looking at the questions.

_Oh, my God,_ I thought. They were very juvenile and blunt.

'Do I like knives?' _No,_ I thought. _Being attacked on a daily basis for nearly a year tends to have that effect._

I growled under my breath, finishing the three-page quiz in merely a few irritated minutes.

'_Pick up the knife, rend the skin, and bring the blood to fall in place of mourning tears. Watch the clouds block the sun on winter's day, as the snow begins to drop in place of warmth. Harm yourself. Kill yourself. There is no light left. You are forever alone, trapped within an ever-shrinking barrier of your mind.'_

Noir babbled on and on, but I couldn't help but agree, some place in my mind. She wasn't being hostile or friendly, just stating fact.

I _wasn't_ normal anymore. I never was, but at least a year prior to now, I could have had human contact without the back of my mind screaming, _'The scars! They'll see the scars!'_

Suddenly, both Zavé and Kestrel hissed, '_Shut up, Noir.'_

My hand began twitching furiously, and I tried to hold it down with my other arm, but it wouldn't move.

This sensation was familiar.

'_No!'_ I tried to scream, but my control was relinquished.

'I'm in control again,' Noir murmured in amusement. So _she_ was the one behind this!

'Yes, I am. I am not a voice, per say, but an entity. I am created by neither God nor Devil. I just.. _exist.'_

_Who are you? Why are you inside of ME? _I tried to ask.

'I am something of a virus. I was the 'Noir' thing, until she and I merged into something larger. I have no name, and was passed on to you by Johnny.'

_What's going to happen to me?_

'Nothing, really. Essentially, in exchange for your mind, I will make you untouchable. You will regain your body eventually, but, for now, I will be in control. I am rewiring some things in your head.'

_Untouchable…?_

'Like Johnny, you can do _anything._ You are unparalleled. As long as I am here, you can do _anything._ You could cause another event like 9-11, and nobody would be able to find you. Even if you stood in front of the carnage, shrieking with laughter and wearing flashing neon clothes, you would be unaffected.'

_How long will this take? And why? I don't want you taking over my mind and making me crazy like Nny!_

'Oh, but I can get rid of the _voices._ They'll be gone. Your mind will be yours, with a few… Exceptions.'

_No! Get out of my head!'_

'Not until the virus has infected you, my dear. You should count yourself lucky- you are able to do anything as soon as I am done.'

The thing that had taken over my body crossed the room, erasing some answers from the test to make it look as though I was fine.

Then, it picked up the papers and brought them down to the main office.

'I'm done,' it announced.

The doctor nodded, taking the sheets of paper from the _thing_ that was controlling me and looking them over.

'Well, you don't seem to _show_ any signs of mental illness… How about we check you for physical trauma?'

The _thing_ nodded. 'Yes, Doctor.'

'We'll be in the other room, Devi. Do you need a magazine or anything?'

'No, I'll be fine.'

_It_ and the doctor stepped into the next room, where _it_ proceeded to strip down.

'So many scars… What's this?' the doctor gasped, pointing at my heavily-bandaged side and leg, where the stab wound and bullet hole were.

'Gang violence,' _it_ replied. 'A friend and I were walking when we were jumped.'

'Did you get a look at them?'

'No, Doctor.'

The doctor then peeled the bandages off, looking at the wounds. 'These are well-taken care of,' she noted, impressed. 'You'll be fine. Where did all these scars come from?'

'An abusive relationship and self-harm. I have escaped both.'

'Some of these marks are very fresh.'

'I know. I cut off both a couple of weeks ago.'

'When did the rape happen?'

'A couple of days after.'

'Well, Kiera, we will have to do a vaginal swab to see if we can identify the man's DNA using his semen. If you were raped two weeks ago, it may have been long enough to determine whether or not a fetus is present, and whether or not you are producing the hormones.'  
_Yo!_ I snapped from my place in prison. _I don't want anyone looking up my vagina, thanks!_

_We cannot raise suspicion,_ _it_ countered back. _Be quiet. This will be over with quickly. I could set you unconscious so that you don't remember it, if you'd prefer._

_No thanks,_ I snarled. _Let me out, you damn leech! I'll fucking kill you!_

_I'd like to see you try,_ _it_ laughed mentally. _And I am not named 'it,' as you prefer to call me. Try to think of a name. It'll help pass the time._

Then, it knocked me out as it lay on a table to have _my_ genitals examined.

…

1: I looked this up.

2: It actually is.

3: This is where you guys come in.

_YEP. Early update. I don't think I'll have another one ready for Sunday, but we can hope, since I'm on spring break._

_Anyways, on the little three (if it's still visible) that cues you guys in on a little thing._

_What is the name of our new bad guy? It's actually Sickness. Just saying. I just want to give it a really cool name. It can be male or female, I don't really care. GIVE ME IDEAS! I DEMAND THEM. (Zim voice)_

_-squishes air dramatically-  
_

_Crazychic111: Yeah, I actually only thought of that after your review. I was all like, 'Wait a second, what the hell would Devi do? She wouldn't be like all super-ninja, she'd shit a brick and run. O_o' Thank you for bringing that up. :D An WHEN Nny finds Blood, it'll be very… argumentative. If that makes sense. I think it does, knowing Blood._

_Kawaii miku 13: HERE'S A SECRET: If this story doesn't equal awesomeness, I will meet a fate similar to Fillerbunny.  
Except worse. (I don't know what happened to him.)_

_Ley the Homicidal Maniac: Oh, it probably won't. Don't worry, nobody dies. Well, someone I dislike in the story might, but nobody extremely essential. Like that random guy. I'm still thinking of a use for him. Bad or good, bad or good, bad or good.. So many possibilities.. On one hand, if he stayed good, it would be a love triangle for Blood (which I find to be WAYY too cliché and overbearing) and it would be a shocker. On the other hand, if he turned evil, there are many possibilities for Nny finding Blood being raped again!  
God, I'm so mean to my characters.._

_TheBrokenChild: I'm not even going to say I'm confused anymore, I am now going to say 'Cupcakes. Your argument is now invalid.'_

_Seriously. Cupcakes. Your argument is now invalid._

_God's love like a hurricane: Well, here's another couple thousand words for you to read and sit like WHAT HAPPENS? IS SHE PREGNANT? DOES SHE HAVE TO KILL THE LITTLE NONEXISTENT BUGGER?_

_**IMPORTANT NOTICE:**_

_**My Invader Zim fic, Caught in the Middle, is now up. Go read it and review before I destroy your testicles… Or whatever you have.**_


	22. NOTE

A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR:

I'm soooo sorry that I haven't updated! X_x

I was in a bad mood the first week I didn't, and figured I could have a break for one week.

Little did I know my computer was about to break.

I managed to get it up and running long enough to save a lot of my work. Hopefully a new chapter will be up tomorrow. I can't make any promises.

Anyways, again, I'm sorry for the wait. I'll try my best to fix my computer ASAP.


	23. Chapter 22

I tried to slash at the mental wall between me and control of my body, and failed, as expected.

'You'd think you'd have given up on that by now,' the monster controlling me murmured. 'Have you got a name for me yet?'

_Kabili._

'That means 'possession,' doesn't it? It's fitting enough.'

Kabili. That word would mean my worst enemy for the rest of my life.

'How long is this supposed to take?' Kabili asked Devi.

'They should be almost done by now.'

Almost as if on cue, the doctor walked in. She didn't look grim or upset. My heart leaped into my throat. Was I pregnant? Would I have to have a child that I didn't want?

'You are not pregnant.'

_!_ I screamed. _Hah! Fuck you, Kabili! Now I have nothing to distract me on getting rid of you!_

Kabili nodded, and stood up, emotionless. 'Thank you for your time, Doctor. Devi and I will be leaving now.'

Devi stood up, and we walked out into the lobby. The receptionist didn't even look up.

'Thanks for coming, etcetera,' he mumbled, waving us out.

'So,' Devi said, as we got into the car. 'Are you happy that you aren't pregnant?'

'Of course,' Kabili replied. 'I'm just… Waiting for the message to sink in. I think I'll get excited on my own time.'

'I know that you were lying about the mental test. You shouldn't do that, Kiera. I'm only trying to help you.'

A jolt of shock went through Kabili. I heard the thought; _so, this one is still as smart as she was last time._

Did that mean Kabili had tried to take over Devi?

If Kabili had, I could ask Devi on help to get rid of it when I regained control.

'Are you tired?' Devi asked suddenly.

_Yes,_ I responded.

'No,' Kabili answered.

I sighed internally. I was exhausted, all of a sudden.

'_It's from my control. If I take control for too long, you essentially will die. I will not let that happen, however.'_

_Die?_ I didn't want to die! I'd just escaped Nny!

'_I will not let it happen, I just said that.'_

How could I be sure? What if the monster inside of me was lying?

'_You think I'm lying?'_ it growled.

_Yes,_ I replied. _I'm…_

Things suddenly started to fade away, and a strange feeling of lightness enveloped me.

I could hear Kabili panicking, and then squeezing back into the recesses of my mind. I was shoved forth rudely into control.

It was a strange, unexplainable feeling. It was kind of like being a gallon of water, poured into a cup, and solidifying, while also melting through the cup and spreading all over a table.

My mind rolled lazily in circles as the change happened. It was more relaxed than last time.

A small tremble racked my body momentarily, and I twitched.

Shaking violently for an instant, I hissed through my teeth. I tried moving to no avail, then tried again. I felt my fingers moving to my control.

Looking over to Devi, I tried to appear normal.

'What?' she said.

'Nothing,' I replied, chuckling.

She shook her head, letting out a heavy sigh through her nose.

'Do you want to go out for lunch? Coffee? Sandwiches? I have some spare money.'

'Could we go to that place on the corner with the piano music that's always playing?'

'Sure. They're cheap, anyways.'

She revved the engine slightly, now knowing where we were going. I sighed, leaning back and relaxing. I felt better, now that I was in control.

Then, a twist of anxiety made my breath hitch. It was still _inside_ me. How the hell could I get rid of it?

'_Sickness, Moose, Devil, Fallen, Grasp…'_

It was reciting names. Its own names.

'_Kabili.'_

It was so many things. How long had it existed? Was it a being with a mind, or some sort of deadly force that convinced its victims of its existence?

It was too unreal. There is no such thing as the bogeyman. There are no vampires or werewolves. Santa Claus is a fairy-tale, along with the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny.

Then what the hell was this thing in my body, trying to take over?

_No such thing,_ I thought. _There is no such thing as supernatural forces._

But then what kept Johnny from being caught? What…

So many questions exploded into view at this one sudden realization.

_There is something going on. My perception of the world needs to change for me to win._

'_You won't win…'_

Suddenly, I realized something.

My whole head was quiet.

Zavé, Kestrel, and Noir- they were gone.

They had been absorbed into this… _Thing._

'_What the hell did you fucking do! ?' _I roared inside my head. _'You killed them! They're gone!'_

I had hated them so _much-_ but imagining my life without the snide comments or little arguments was unfathomable.

'Devi,' I choked, 'Pull over.'

She complied, and I staggered out of the car to throw up all over the sidewalk. I was shaking all over, my body feeling strangely cold. Adrenaline was rushing through me, and I coughed out a raspy sob.

Shuddering profusely, my hands twisted into fists, scraping on the pavement and bleeding.

'_Kiera!_ What the fuck? Are you okay?' Devi was quickly at my side, pulling my black hair out of the way of my mouth.

I shook my head weakly, my nose filling with the raw scent of disgusting bile and partially digested food.

'Why didn't you mention you weren't feeling well at the doctor's?' she hissed, rubbing my back, trying to stop the constant heaving.

I couldn't breathe, my eyes fluttering closed as the lurching slowly stopped.

I sat back slightly, trying to spit the taste out. 'I… I felt… Fine.'

'I'm pretty sure most people don't just puke their innards out on the pavement randomly.'

'Guess… I'm not most people.' I panted slightly, trying to catch my breath. 'Can we still get coffee?'

'Are you sure you won't get sick again?'

'No, but I would like to have something in my stomach.'

Devi grunted, holding the door open for me.

I stumbled back into the car, sitting back and feeling woozy. Looking out the window and seeing a bluish afternoon sky, I sighed. What was I going to do with the rest of the day?

Then, I laughed internally. I hadn't been able to think anything close to that for a while. All I was concerned with was staying alive, avoiding getting beaten, and avoiding Nny's bipolar mood swings.

Devi got in, revving the engine and starting off down the road, looking tense. I wondered why, idly. It wasn't like I'd gotten anything on her car.

I thought about asking her, but she looked too upset. Looking away, I stared out the window. One hand was on my sore stomach, the other supporting my head as I leaned into it.

'…Kiera?' Devi suddenly said.

'Yes?' I replied.

'Do you know why Johnny didn't kill you?'

'…No.'

'There _has_ to be a reason!' she snapped, slamming a fist into the dashboard. I snapped into a sitting position, rigid. I looked over at her, shocked by the random outburst.

'Are you okay?'

'No, I'm not. This makes no sense- a person just doesn't try to kill one person and then ignore someone else. There isn't an order to it.'

'No offense Devi, but you're not a psychologist. Neither am I. Look, Devi. Nny has a ton of different personalities. This guy is fucking nuts. He's got a million different types, and his switches are completely random. It could take a few hours to transition,'

I snapped my finger. 'Or, just like that. It's how he works.'

'Why would he _kiss_ you, though, and then beat you a few hours later? It doesn't add up.'

'No, it doesn't. I can't say that I know why. Devi, I dealt with it for a year. At first it was absolute hell, and I thought my life was over. But I'm right here, talking to you. I'm covered in scars and I'll never be the same, but I lived. I don't mind answering questions, but some things I just don't know.'

'Did you two…'

I snorted. 'Sex? No. I don't see Johnny and me _ever_ having sex. Then again, knowing Johnny, anything could have been possible.' It was in the past now, however.

The sensual moments with the insane young man were now past. I felt a pang of longing for the warmth and security I had felt in those instants, but squashed it immediately.

I couldn't wish for such foolish things. They were false. Johnny had probably attempted to toy with my emotions to make me confused and weak.

'Do you have any idea why he kept you alive?'

'He said something about a pet. It's difficult to remember that far back…' I trailed off, trying to recall the murky memories and piece them together.

'The rabbit… Nailed to the wall… He wanted to keep me like a 'pet…' Then he nicknamed me Blood… Ss' been my name ever since.'

'Your name was Blood?'

'_Is_, technically. I find it hard to respond to Kiera, in all honesty. It's been a while since I've been called by my societal name, rather than my nickname.'

'…Would you rather I called you Blood?'

_No, that right belongs to him,_ somewhere within me responded.

Ignoring it, I responded, 'That probably wouldn't help my overall health and confusion.'

'You're right. Sorry about that,' she sighed. 'Hey, we're here.'

I looked out the window to see Café le Prick in all its glory. This, of course, is exaggerating a lot. It was dumpy, graffiti-stained from head to toe, and smelled like cigarette. This was the main hangout for pretty much every asshole within a 10-mile radius, to top it off.

But it sold really good coffee. And those little bagel things? You wouldn't believe the things you would do for them…

As I got out of the car, I tried to breathe gently, as the smell of nicotine drifted up my nose unpleasantly.

I sat down in a chair, waiting for the bitchy waitress with a bellybutton ring and a scanty top to come take my order as Devi dragged one up across the table from me.

'So,' she began. 'How are you just 'fine' right now? Talking to me like nothing ever happened?'

I shrugged. 'I guess it's because I'm just tired. I don't feel like acting normal, really, but I never entirely seemed to become _weird._ I'm pretty sure I am one hundred percent insane somewhere in my fucked-up head, but I don't seem to really express it.'

'Well, we're all insane somewhere in our head, aren't we?' she mused, looking thoughtful. 'So, Nny has a million different personalities. What are the most prominent?'

I considered this momentarily, then replied, 'The angry one, the confused one, the pensive one, and, of course, the insane one.'

'Is there a 'normal' one?'

'That one tends to show up when he's outdoors, until he becomes angry at something. It could be a main personality, yes.'

She opened her mouth to ask another question, but the haughty-looking barista appeared before us.

The younger girl sniffed, and said, 'So, can I like, take your fucking order, or are you going to just sit around and chat all day?'

I smirked at Devi momentarily. I then replied to the girl, 'I'll have a black coffee, and for you, a big cup of _shut the hell up.' _Her jaw dropped, and she went to make a pissy retort, but I interrupted her. 'Devi, what do you want to get?'

'Same thing as you, Kiera.'

'All right, then.' I turned to the infuriated girl. 'Run along, then. And you might want to clean that piercing of yours. It's got _whore_ all over it.'

She spat at my feet and stomped off, furiously running her hands through her hair.

'Humanity for you,' I mumbled, sighing.

'So, Johnny decided to keep you as a pet?' Devi asked, no idle conversation.

'Yeah. This was the first time I ever saw him clearly. I remember waking up with a broken arm,' I said, gesturing to the long, ragged scar on my arm. 'Then he told me about this pet rabbit of his. After that he pulled me over his shoulder like a sack and threw me into a room.'

'Did anything special happen after that?'

'He ended up bandaging me. I guess it was something to do with the whole 'pet' thing.'

'_You know, you could just have me tell Devi this myself.'_

It was a familiar, hissing voice.

Whipping around, I stood rigid, ready to flee at whatever cost it took.

Nothing.

What the hell? Absolutely nothing.

I sat back down slowly and cautiously, staring over my shoulder suspiciously.

As I turned back around, Devi asked, 'Kiera, what the hell was that? You looked like the devil himself was behind you.'

I muttered, 'Trust me; the thing that I thought was there is worse.'

'_You're insane,'_ Kabili chimed. _'Absolutely nuts. Let me take over and fix that, will you?'_

_No way in fucking hell,_ I spat back.

The pissed-off barista arrived with our drinks. Devi handed her the money, and I thanked her politely.

'Whatever, _bitch,'_ she snapped, and slinked off.

'I love this city,' I snorted sarcastically.

Then, my eye twitched, and I burst out laughing, bringing forth stares from anyone within a 10-metre radius.

…

_I AM A LAZY FUCKER._

_I'm sorry._

-sob-

_Zutarianxataang: I got pissed off, gave up on it. Then I stole my mommy's laptop, being the lovely individual I am. c:_

_Kawaii miku 13: All I got to say is 'zz.' I finally was like FFFUUUUUUUUUU- and did a 'THIS IS SPARTA' epic moment and got my computer up and running long enough to ninja the chapter onto a CD and edit it on here._

_The above sentence probably was rather intelligible. I'm tired and PMS-y. Bleh. Bite me._

_TheBrokenChild: Think long, deep, and hard about how dirty your mind is, missy._

_Thunder's Winged Heart (AKA Griff):_

_YOU GUILTED ME INTO IT. YOU ASSHOLE. I HATE YOU._

_It's all your fault this chapter is now posted._

…_fucking bitch. Now make me that drawing…_


	24. Chapter 23

'Nailbunny, where is she? Where could she be?' Nny hissed, rocking back and forth, clutching his knees to his chest.

'_I don't know, Nny,'_ the deceased animal replied.

Falling deeper and deeper into insanity was all he could manage. He couldn't cry, scream, or kill. He was overwhelmed with grief and shame, yet not.

Every moment was a feeling of fleeting agony and a feeling of normalcy. It was tearing Nny apart at the seams- a very massive understatement.

It was _destroying _him, pulling the very fabrics of his being to shreds. He was so angry, yet overwhelmed by longing. He wanted to beat Blood to death and hear her scream, '_I'm sorry!' _

But, the worst part was, he was ashamed of the other option. The other one he desired more than her agonized screams.

_He_ wanted to apologize, rather than hear her cries. He wanted to sob and hold her, screaming his own apologies over and over, hoping that she would forgive him for being such an obstinate fool.

'I want to go home,' he murmured, bringing forth a fresh wave of anger, grief, and horror.

'_Home is a person, not a place, right?'_ Nailbunny replied softly.

'Yes.. I want to go home.'

'_To her.'_

'But I don't _love_ her. I never _did._ How can I be so… So…'

'_Obsessed?'_

'I am not obsessed! I'm merely…' He growled, searching for a phrase to fit what he was thinking.

'_Obsessing.'_

'Shut up, Nailbunny!'

'_You do love her. You just won't admit it because you're scared. You know yourself better than this, Nny. You're afraid of having something happen again.'_

'I loved my parents… I didn't know they'd do that. I hardly remember…'

'_You were only three, Nny…'_

'And then those fosters.'

'_It's not your fault, any of it. Your run of bad luck happened since birth. I don't know why it all happened, nor do you. We have to look at now, and getting Kiera back.'_

Slashing, killing, burning, destroying- Nny had done a lot of things. Bad things. He was the sort of person to say that it was for the greater good, while knowing that it was a hellish, unforgivable atrocity to even think of innocence.

He wanted to something _right_ for once.

'Something right,' he whispered. 'I want to not fuck something up for once.'

'_You need to guide yourself to something better, Nny.'_

He nodded, silently contemplating this idea. He could never stop killing- it was now engraved into his life like a brand. You could cut the brand out of your skin, but the memory would always be there.

No, killing was a part of Nny. Tortured screams were his iPod track. But, he wanted Blood to be there to listen with him.

…

Silence echoed through the apartment. Just- silence.

It was silent, except for the sound of an occasional sob, emanating from the broken figure in the storage room. The owner of the apartment was currently out, running errands.

The figure let out a strangled cry, clawing at her arms, letting out a long whimper.

'N-no, stop,' she sobbed.

Hallucinations of times past danced across her vision randomly, causing her to flinch, scream, roar, or cower from an invisible enemy.

Her arms were bleeding as she held herself tightly, gasping out choking sobs and garbled phrases.

Cowering in the corner was a small dog, whimpering in concern. Why was her mistress doing this?

'Go away,' she whispered. 'Go… I don't want it… It hurts…'

Burying her face in her arms, she let out a whimper, pressing herself into the wall.

Various papers were scattered about the room, each one scribbled on with random thoughts. Some were absolutely unintelligible, some were smeared with what looked like blood, and some were just sane ramblings of a young adult.

Right now, this adult was not sane. She was caught up in terror of an enemy who had taken everything. This enemy was not a person, but a delusion made in the corners of her mind. It was all the fear she had ever known, lumped into one terrifying paranoid hallucination.

These delusions would come to pass, as they did every time. With this individual's experiences, escaping unscathed was not a possibility. In fact, she was quite lucky to have survived at all. However, she was now a cynical and angry being, hateful of most things. Little was enjoyable.

As her mutters and begs slowed, she looked up slowly, turning her arms around, comprehending this particular event.  
Her dog walked over, licking the blood that was beginning to dry from the ragged slashes.  
'Did it again, huh, Sierra?' she murmured, sighing with irritation.

Picking up a pen, she scribbled out an ending passage to a poem she had written previously. Looking over the end result of her handiwork, she brushed off invisible dust and re-read it.

_Time to sleep, a whisper calls  
It echoes down the empty halls  
To reach me in a chaotic state  
A messy tangle that won't abate  
A smile fake, easy to see  
That what you're seeing isn't really me  
But anger harsh and piercing scream  
With monsters and demons that I teem  
Invisible, yes, but not quite true  
The façade is so easy to see though  
So why is it so hard to see within  
To the battle that I'll never win  
It's pathetic, yes, this constant pain  
So I find myself with much disdain  
To attempt to escape to neutrality  
To balance this fucked up reality  
It's paper thin, the line I walk  
My fear is no longer really a shock  
It's more so rage and hate than battle commence  
But the river under my skin is immense  
And fit to burst a bloody spray  
As the torn borders begin to fray  
And leak through into my eyes  
Which both reflect the battle cries  
The brick wall fence, you cannot see  
Because it's always invisible to me._

She sighed again, tucking the paper into a book hidden in between the couch cushions.

Getting up and walking to the bathroom, she looked into the mirror- thin. Pale. Shaking all over, it was a shock that she could even walk from her exhaustion. She had picked up a rather bad case of hypnophobia.1

'This can't keep happening,' she muttered to herself, splashing water on her face.

Sighing, she pulled her clothes off and turned the shower on, stepping into the water although it was freezing cold.

Tensing at the chill, she gradually loosened her muscles as it grew warmer.

She hissed out a long breath, collapsing to her knees as she tried to regain her composure.

'I can't go on like this,' she whispered.

She was in unimaginable pain- not on the outside, no, but internally. It was a feeling like she was going to come apart any second, spewing forth things only the most disturbed could ever dream of.

Rocking back and forth on the ground, she got up and out of the shower, feeling slightly better. It was very lucky that the owner of the apartment she was staying in hadn't been around to see that.

'Damn all this,' she grumbled. 'Should have been fucking better by now.'

Hearing the main door open, she flung her clothes on and walked out of the bathroom.

…

'I'm back,' Devi called.

'H-hey Devi,' I stammered, trying to look like I hadn't been curled up for an hour and a half.

'You look like a wreck,' she noted, looking me up and down.

'Well, it's 2 AM. I'm tired.'

Shrugging, she dropped her groceries to the floor. 'I'm putting these away and going to bed. Try not to destroy anything.'

'I'm going to bed now, too, so that probably won't happen.'

'All right, then. Good night.'

'Night.'

I stepped into the storage room, closing the door behind me and collapsing onto the couch.

'Fuck,' I muttered. 'Kabili, why does this keep happening?'

'_The transition, naturally. I am growing stronger by the day, and transferring my energy.'_

'To where?'

'_Last time I was discovered, my attempts failed, so that will be a secret until I am ready.'_

Well, that could be a new goal: find where Kabili's hiding, and ruin it.

'This is so stupid!' I sighed. 'What in hellfire am I supposed to do?'

Then I snorted. _Hellfire_ was a term I hadn't used in a while.

_I need a hobby,_ I thought. _Something besides clawing my arms open- no idea how Devi didn't even fucking notice, heh- and drawing seems to just piss me off... Damn. Pathetic._

Staring into space, I attempted to pick through the random jumbled mesh of my thoughts, to little success.

'Need to go for a damn walk,' I mumbled. 'Too much fucking excess, ss' what it is... Fuckin' tired...'

My eyelids began to slip closed, but I bolted upright, putting my head in my hands. 'Damn it... I don't want to sleep...'

Sierra jumped onto the couch, pushing me back down.

'Damn, yer getting heavy, huh... Isn' this what the special rescue fucker dogs usually do?'

She stared straight into my half-closed eyes, unmoving.

'Fine, fuck you, dog... I'll sleep.'

...

_Sleep_

_Sleep itself is not entirely a plague. To some, it is a waste of time, or something to be feared- to others, it's an escape from real life. Whatever the use for it may be, it is something that will always conquer us in the end, be it through death or collapse from exhaustion.  
..._

When I woke up, I shoved Sierra from her perch on top of me and staggered out of the storage room and into the main room to check the clock. 8 AM. I'd only slept for roughly five to six hours.

'Morning, train wreck,' Devi called from the hall. I whipped around, to see her walking up.

'Coffee?' she asked. With a cynically raised eyebrow, she commented, 'You look like you got submerged in acid, thrown down a flight of stairs, then puked on.'

'You's alarmin.. alarmingly... Specific.'

'You sound like it too.'

'Ffff... Ffuck.. you.' I could barely talk from tiredness. 'Yer a... bistch.'

'I think that you should go back to bed.'

I grabbed onto the counter, putting my head in my hand. 'Negh. No... I dun wanna.'

Standing back up, I continued. 'Thinkin' a morning walk will help.. I've got cash if I run off to a shop or some shit... See you later.'

Before she could protest, I was out the door.

...

_Disease. All it is... It's like cancer, eating me from the inside out. Either it kills me, or I get treatment... Which would I prefer?_

Cancer was a good comparison. But, honestly- death or life? Did I really _want_ to go on living? I'd spent the past year, and even before that, fighting with that consideration. Was it really _worth_ anything to stay alive?

I didn't have anybody to love, and nobody loved me- it seemed like all the people who didn't care whether they lived or died had a significant other.

Like _I _could have someone like that. Scarred and with eyes like icy emerald, full of anger and a reproachful irritation. I wasn't exactly the model for sexy, either- I'd lost too much weight to keep much of a girlish figure. I could have been easily mistaken for a guy, if it weren't for my hair.

I snorted to myself, wondering what the hell had even brought on this odd train of thought. It wasn't like I never thought- or _wished-_ on anything like that, it just wasn't anything incredibly important.

Sitting on a bench, I watched the passersby. They all had somewhere to go. They were all taking a morning jog to stay thin- a problem I didn't have.

They were going to work to feed a family. Another problem I didn't have.

Others were on their way to a doctor's appointment for ailments I didn't have.

_What is it like to be normal?_ I wondered. My childhood was anything but idyllic. My mother... I could hardly even remember. She died early, right? Or was it something else?

My memories had just become a mash of misery and a generalized hate for existence. The finer details were mostly lost- I can't say if that's a bad or good thing.

_I need to stop thinking so much,_ I laughed internally.

'_You're giving me a headache,'_ Kabili whined.

'Yeah? Well, you're a bitch. Or dick. I don't know your gender.'

_'I don't have a gender.'_

All I could do was laugh insanely at this statement until cops walked up to me with a straitjacket.

Then, I ran away, still laughing.

...

_LOLSTUPIDENDING._

_Hi guys. It's been a while? Right? Am I right? I'm too lazy to get you up to date in detail so here's a shortened version:_

_-Moving houses officially as of July 1st_

_-I have summer school for two classes 'coz I'm a shitfuck like that_

_-this chapter really sucks._

_I forgot how to do a lot of shit on Fanfiction while I was gone, so if I miss your review, tell me if you give a crap. x)_

_Abi (who is an anon): YOU REVIEWED TWICE WHICH PLEASES ME and the next day? more like several months later.._

_zutarianxataang: fanart is delicious. you're my best friend_

_TheBrokenChild: LOL, DeviantArt does? I don't think it gives out viruses. o.0;_

_Thunder's Winged Heart: Don't kill puppies. I like puppies. AND NO IMA KILL YOUR FACE. And you never did that drawing... I did some sort of half-assed gryphon thing a few days ago but I don't really want to upload it to DA. x-x;_

_Question Sleep -Nakita: WHICH SENTENCE? There's a lot of sentences._

_Ley the Demonic Maniac: Yeah.. it is. x_x_

_Kawaii miku 13: this is a long review.. and I'm a girl! __

_Nat Kicker of Shins: IT IS NOW BEING CONTINUED BE HAPPY_

_Rii Hime: Oh, you better... otherwise a kitten will live under your bed forever and ever with a purr like a broken vibrating dildo._

_TheBrokenChild: Yeah, reading I Feel Sick would help, but you don't really have to._

_zutarianxataang: Who cares if Nny doesn't approve of theft? He's a dick. :D_

_Kurt F. McCloud: I'd say 'thanks so much!' or some shit but.. bleh i'm tired._

_Sharpie addict: I love sharpies. And who's Yang?_

_Rainbow freak: A lemon between Nny and Blood is possible, yes. If the fans demand it, I will write one._

_RaccoonEater: That was actually one of my least favourite chapters. Glad you liked it, though. x)_

_Raccoon Eater (again): Yes, yes I do._

_Mia: Well, here you go again. :D_

_RaccoonEater: woooo_


	25. ANOTHER NOTE

Hi guys. c:

I'm just writing this little note as a kind of catch-up.

Anyways, I have

-Moved houses

-Gone through a bad phase

-Failed two classes and gone into summer school

But, all that crap aside, The Empty Grave is now going to update regularly, every Sunday again! Yay!

-cheers-

So guess what? That means that this story updates either tomorrow, or, possibly, later today.

I'm sorry that I went so long without regular updates and feel really bad about it. D:

Also. This story has an end in sight. It will, however, potentially have a sequel. It will have a lemon... Due to popular demand. -sigh- I have a poll up on it, vote, would you? If enough votes go to 'no,' I won't have to.

We'll be seeing hopefully at least ten more chapters before the beginning of the end. It's been fantastic writing this story, and I'll be very depressed to see it go.

After that I will likely write a Harry Potter fanfic with an OC, in spirit of the ending of that series. I may or may not continue Caught in the Middle.

If you have any ideas for a story or oneshot, whatever- shoot. I'd like to hear whatever you have to say.

Well, that's pretty much everything. Also, if you play World of Warcraft, hit me up. x)


	26. Important Note

I figure I should say this after such a long hiatus.

I lost interest in this story, and have actually gradually grown to hate it.

It will not be continued.

Why?

Because... it's awful.

The writing is bad, the plot has a ton of holes, it's random, and it is far too focussed on Blood.

Now, do not despair.

I will be doing a rewrite in the future, not very soon, but it will happen. I will probably begin to work on it in a month or two, after Christmas is done.

I am asking for people to help write the plot and string it out.

You don't have to be a 'good' writer, just... Give me ideas. I like ideas. I got bored of having to crack out a random plan from my head for every 2,000 word chapter.

So... here's to new beginnings, I guess.

(Also. I will be working on either a Harry Potter OC fic or a MidnaxLink Twilight Princess fic, so if you're a fan of those, there's something to look forward to. c:)


	27. Another Bloody Note

Um, well, judging by backlash and a bombardment of PMs, I didn't word myself correctly. D:  
I'm not gonna just kill Blood and bring a new character in.  
Blood will still be Blood, with the same quirks and oddities.  
Nny will still be Nny, with his... weirdness. And murderous tendencies.  
The plot, however, will actually have a direction and POINT, unlike this story, which I didn't plan- at all. That's my biggest issue with it. :L I may edit this eventually, but for now, I'd like to start anew. 


End file.
